Longing

Almost a year has passed. A year. And I feel a longing. A longing to go back. To return the the woman with the outstretched hand wearing the bubble dress who possessed the eyes of an angel and held that promise of peace. Almost a year has passed. a year. And I can close my eyes and see the time leading up to the end. And then the beginning. And still there is this longing. Not that there is a reason for it. Not that life back in this body is bad, or sad, or uncontented. But I have that remembering. of silence and nothingness brighter than when I look into the sun without sunglasses. Almost a year has passed. A year. Nothing has changed, and everything has changed. The world goes on People move People breakup People die People suffer People create People tear down People smile People become People live again. Almost a year has passed. A year. How did this happen. I promised myself I would pay more attention I would savor every moment I would be present and feel EVERYTHING. Almost a year has passed. A year. And life happens. Life sweeps in and blows you around and takes your hand and dances you in circles and laughs and leaves and sachets onto another. Almost a year has passed. A year. And life is sweet And I am cherished And I feel loved And I embrace those around me And I laugh And I love And I smile And I connect And I am happy... And still theres longing.

Mary Magdalene Name Day July 22nd

In 2001 I was in a serious auto accident. Seconds before that life changing event, I "saw" a woman sitting in the front passenger seat of my vehicle. She said to me "you're going to be hurt, but you're going to be fine". I have called her my Blue Angel ever since, but her correct name is Mary Magdalene. Mary's words came to me often during this period of getting to know myself through this challenge of the body; recognizing the strength that was within me; helping me to be still enough to hear the wisdom within my own cells; and giving me courage to challenge the health care system that shared with me more negative than positive possible outcomes... When I was well on my way to healing, Mary appeared to me again. This time it was in a painting that my Mother brought to me. My Mother told me the story of standing in front of this painting in a museum in Florida. She shared with me this story: "It was as if I was stuck in front of this painting... As if the woman in the painting reached out and held my shoulders and wouldn't allow me to move until I understood the message... " And so, my Mother, being more intuitive than she likes to admit, followed Mary's guidance, bought the painting and very ceremoniously presented it to me! When I opened the gift, wrapped in purple paper and tied with a blue ribbon, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a picture of MY Blue Angel (photo).

The Woman who sustained me through surgeries, being bed bound, through painful rehab and fear that I would not walk or use my left arm again, was starring me in the face AGAIN. Only this time it was on canvas, rather than in the front seat of my car... That moment, that accident, that experience with Mary, changed my life. So today, July 22nd, which is her "name day" I like to share some information about her with others and remind them of the importance of her existence in history, and in my life! Be well, Janet ~~~~~ There are many references to Mary Magdalene in the sacred writings of the Bahá'í Faith, where she enjoys an exalted status as a heroine of faith and the "archetypal woman of all cycles".[91] `Abdu'l-Bahá, the son of the founder of the religion, said that she was "the channel of confirmation" to Jesus' disciples, a "heroine" who "re-established the faith of the apostles" and was "a light of nearness in his kingdom".[92] `Abdu'l-Bahá also wrote that "her reality is ever shining from the horizon of Christ", "her face is shining and beaming forth on the horizon of the universe forevermore" and that "her candle is, in the assemblage of the world, lighted till eternity".[93] `Abdu'l-Bahá considered her to be the supreme example of how women are completely equal with men in the sight of God and can at times even exceed men in holiness and greatness.[94] Indeed he claimed that she surpassed all the men of her time,[95] and that "crowns studded with the brilliant jewels of guidance" were upon her head.[96] The Bahá'í writings also expand upon the scarce references to her life in the canonical Gospels, with a wide array of extra-canonical stories about her and sayings which are not recorded in any other extant historical sources. `Abdu'l-Bahá claimed that Mary traveled to Rome and spoke before the Emperor Tiberius, which is presumably why Pilate was later recalled to Rome for his cruel treatment of the Jews (a tradition also attested to in the Eastern Orthodox Church).[97] According to the memoirs of Juliet Thompson, `Abdu'l-Bahá also compared Mary to Juliet, one of his most devoted followers, claiming that she even physically resembled her and that Mary Magdalene was Juliet Thompson's "correspondence in heaven". Bahá'ís have noted parallels between Mary Magdalene and the Babí heroine-poetess Tahirih. The two are similar in many respects, with Mary Magdalene often being viewed as a Christian antecedent of the latter, while Tahirih in her own right could be described as the spiritual return of the Magdalene; especially given their common, shared attributes of "knowledge, steadfastness, courage, virtue and will power", in addition to their importance within the religious movements of Christianity and the Bahá'í Faith as female leaders

Thanks be to those who give us an opportunity to practice

This past weekend I spent in Vermont on a family vacation with my husband, daughter, daughter-in-law, and step son. It was a very long ride, with a cranky 16 year old, a nervous doberman, a husband who is not a good traveler, and me, who has been having some health issues due to lyme. Can you say "Meow"... Once I got used to the picking picking picking about how dumb I am (of course 16 year olds do know everything), how crappy we are as parents, and how un-fun our time together was, I needed help. On the first day there I did not have time to do my usual morning prayers, Qigong or walk with Brutus. And boy did I feel it. But the second day I made sure to incorporate those things that I normally do in the morning. I was up earlier than everyone else, and while my amazing husband made coffee, I went outside with the critters, and did 20 minutes of QiGong. After the first five minutes I was feeling better, and by the end I was really noticing the difference between practicing and NOT practicing. The second day went much better than the first. We spent time with BIG ROCKS at Smugglers Notch and visited a lovely covered bridge with a great stream that we were allowed to play in. The water was the great binder. My husband, his son, my daughter and her love all played in the water. There was laughter, and creativity, and wow an amazing Cairn that came out of that time.

When we were done we went home for some terrific grilling and a powerful bon fire. The next day we had to leave and travel the long 7 hours home... It was stressful to say the least. Again I did not have time (or shall I say MAKE TIME) for my morning practice and the teen was cranky and the dog was hot and the husband was uncomfortable and the wife (me) was tired. When we finally made it home I had had enough. I had been silent during the bickering with the boys. I had been silent when the step son wanted to rag on his mother. I was silent when the subject of money and work came up and the man child thought we should just give him what he wanted... I was silent ON THE OUTSIDE... But on the inside I was screaming. I was plotting, and planning, and running conversations and come backs in my mind. And boy was I feeling it in my body... So, after some time at home and allowing my body to get re-acclimated to home, I was ready for a conversation. My mind was quieted and I was asking the angels for their presence. I imagined myself on the side of the stream, watching the man and his child build a cairn. I imagined my heart being washed with that clear stream water. I imagined the building up, rather than tearing down, of our collective energy. And then I was ready... And the angels came. And the angels brought my step son into the kitchen. And the angels opened both our hearts. And we were able to be clear, kind, and keep the conversation only to what was necessary to work out our stuff. I did not say all the crazy stuff that had been running rampant in my mind during our drive home. He was not critical, sarcastic, and distant. I was able to really listen to him and he was able to really listen to me. And we both actually felt better about our relationship than we had in months (the consensus we came to). And I believe it was all because of the water... The softest thing moves the hardest thing. Thanks be!

Turtle Speaks

Today was all about Turtles. I saw one on my own this morning, and Fred Klock and I saw one (and rescued her) on our way home from our friends house. My turtle this morning told me a story. Maybe it sounds odd, but often times if I sit quietly with an animal or a plant or tree I get an "impression" of a story in my mind. Sometimes I can even hear their voices... Today's story began with me looking directly at my beautiful friend. Then I sat down in front of her, even though I was a little nervous because she was SO big and I don't really know much about the speed of turtles movement. It took me about 20 minutes to feel connected, I think she was as nervous as I was... And turtle said: You have been knowing things. Things that maybe others know but do not voice. All creatures should consider these things; Where they live, what they do as an energy exchange for their abundance or poverty, are they in right relation to themselves and their community. Can they be still. Where is your water? Know your garden, the soil, the minerals, even the worms. Know them. Spend time with the bees. Listen to their song, and pay attention to when they sing the loudest. Then she spoke about me. She said: It is time to speak your truth. To weave prayers around flesh. To sing your song. Don't hold the truth inside. Create your community. Call to you those who need to hear this truth. And take not it personally those who are not ready. Then she she stopped and took a deep breath. So I took a deep breath. It seemed like a long time that we were just breathing. Not doing. As I was not doing I noticed all the lines on her face, and she smiled. Her eyes were so bright. She said, your lines are coming. They will tell YOUR story. They will remind you of all those you love and have loved. These are your "family lines". Be good to each other. And do not look outside yourself for a leader. Now is the time of knowing and sharing. Then I was paying close attention to her shell. So green. Almost luminous. And she spoke again... Just as I have a hard shell that is beautiful to behold it serves a purpose. I Know when to retreat inside, or when to move swiftly to bite with my strong jaws, you must learn that too. The water is flowing now very fast. It is changing the landscape. Mountains are melting. Land is being built up. These changes are so great and swift that there are those who are afraid. Some feel like their lives are being torn apart, and they are suffering greatly. They do not trust the water. They have the false belief that the solid ground is their refuge. They hold onto how things have always been done. They know not their ancestors. They do not listen to the trees or learn the medicine abundant in their own locations. The hill, THIS HILL will protect you. She has been here forever. She has magic in her soil, and her water, and her inhabitants. Share what she tells you. She is very wise. All that she offers, she offers in a sacred manner. You must receive in kind. And celebrate those who come. They ARE coming. They have been called. The longing is in their hearts. Now is not the time to be shy. Be in awe of all that is. It still surprises me, although I am old and have seen much of the same for many years. I now see the mud as it is changing. Where we lay our eggs or plant our seeds must shift. I am shifting. You are shifting. Gather those who know what you do not. Share with each other. Be prepared. It will only be scary if you hold onto what you believe it should be. It will look different. It is already different. As are you. Then she put her head into her shell and pulled her tail and large clawed hands in too and I knew our conversation was over.

Unconscious... really means NOT conscious

This weekend I supported one of my favorite teachers in a weekend of Abdominal Meridian Massage. When in the role of supporter I setup the room, hold energy, demonstrate and help people find specific meridians and points when asked, and am a participating person when necessary (if the class is an un-even number). This weekend worked out that I actually gave and received this amazing work. One of the "head trips" about being a healer or in a healing field FOR ME (notice that is capitalized... I am not sure if it is this way for everyone so I don't want to lump us all together) is that I often am in the role of teacher or therapist and forget to be the student. AND I sometimes forget for myself (even though I remind my clients often) that healing happens and things arise when we are completely ready. AND often times it happens in layers. SO, this weekend was my (smack my forehead make a duh sound) reminder... While doing Abdominal Meridian Massage we contact the organs in the abdomen, the QI corresponding to that organ system and all that is "attached" to the physical area of the body that is READY to be "heard". As many of my friends know, I was in a serious auto accident in 2001. In that accident I broke my pelvis in 3 places and had to have a bone graft from my left hip to re-attach my arm by putting a plate wrapped around the bone chips from the hip and then screwing said plate to my sternum and humorous. As you may well imagine, I have done TONS and TONS of my own healing work in both areas, have been receiving work from other healers, get regular massage and energy work, and am gentle are loving to those areas of my body... So this weekend when my partner was working in the lower left quadrant of my abdomen and connecting to the energy of the large intestine (METAL ELEMENT) and stomach (EARTH ELEMENT), I was SHOCKED to feel once again the pain in my shoulder and hip. I felt the connections of those areas and thought I had already done all the work necessary to release the event and the pain... On a conscious level I have not had pain the those areas. I have been completely unaware that the energy was still speaking to me. Then in the afternoon session as my partner was working the areas again I was very "in my head" and logically telling myself what she was working on reminding myself that I had done the work, and so on and so on... Then all of a sudden I had an epiphany... It was one word. One simple word. SAFE. This may not mean much to someone who is unaware of meridians and their associations... BUT the EARTH element's meridians are stomach and spleen. AND the energy of the EARTH element is FEELING SAFE. WOW WOW WOW And then I began to laugh. Huge laughter. At myself. At taking myself so seriously. At thinking THINKING THINKING that the work was done. HA. The work is NEVER DONE. We get reprieves and times of still waters, and then when we are in the perfect moment in time, with the perfect experience available for feeling and "hearing" the body speaks. It reminded me that Unconscious really means we just don't know. We may make lists of all of our unconscious habits or patterns or whatever. And then we think we know. BUT we really don't know until we DO know. So, on that note I remind myself and EVERYONE else that UNCONSCIOUS means we don't know. It means that for everyone. And so when we remember that things will arises because we've made an inquiry to our QI (or whatever word you use to describe creation and energy and the vast mystery of all), and it may not be today or tomorrow. AND it may require us to continue to ask, and to be curious, and to wonder and to be open and to be gentle with ourselves for NOT knowing something or seeing something or understand something until years later. And also to always CONTINUE to ASK. Energy responds to all inquiries. And our body is the vessel in which it often reveals its answer. Love, Janet

Age

Today we celebrated my Mothers 80th birthday. Things that I learned today (or at least was reminded of today): *Aging well means eating well, loving well, moving as well as you can, having a positive attitude, believing in something bigger than yourself and asking for help when necessary. *Family hold patterns of behavior and response, no matter what age. *My Dad, although quite an amazing human being, has an interesting pattern of relationship with my Mother. *My siblings continue to "pick" on me, no matter what age I am, and I continue to want acceptance from them and my parents. *Even though they (my family) are all "proud" of me for my accomplishments, I (and that is a capital) am the one who sometimes see's the relationship from a past point of view. *High school friendships that were based on commonalities like music and drama and theatre, last a life time! With all the celebrating that was happening, I decided this weekend I was going to lovingly observe my own patterns. To witness the energy interactions between myself, my children, my parents, my siblings, and my/their friends; To listen to the stories we all tell and to weed out the personal perceptions from the "facts". Wow, was that fun. I learned so much about myself. I really got to witness my children interacting as adults with family and friends, to listen to them share their lives, to see them open their hearts and participate! AND my son said to me just a little while ago as we are ending this day... Mom, you did a great job. You really ARE the best Mom anyone could ever wish for. Now, I know that this truly stroked my ego, but ya know what... It felt good, and it felt like the perfect time for him to share, and it helped me as a Mother to let go of my OWN perceived perceptions of the job I did (or didn't do sometimes). Today, we celebrated my Mothers 80th birthday, and I am looking forward to celebrating many many MANY more!! Happy Sunday, xo Janet

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the primary mantras preached by the ungrounded spirituality movement. This is not to say that forgiveness is a bad thing, but it is not the first place to go after an abusive relationship or traumatic experience. Healing is. Putting our focus on forgiving a wrongdoer before we have actually worked through our anger and our pain is another way the new age movement sidesteps their own unresolved shadow and the principles of accountability. I knew someone who had been stabbed by a lunatic and while they were bleeding, they were doing a forgiveness mantra for the stabber. Good thing someone else called an ambulance, or they would have died. When it comes down to it, healing and forgiving ourselves is the important step. If forgiveness of other arises organically, so be it. If it doesn’t, it’s not important. We are not responsible for those who wound us. They can take that up with God. ~ Jeff Brown This is a statement that I am going to tape on my refrigerator. When I read it I had a HUGE AHA moment... And amazingly I let go of a big thing that I have been "working on" forgiving... WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE WHO WOUND US! AMEN. Stay safe, look for goodness, feel joy, recognize dangerous situations, AND do not engage with those who are not kind to you or who bully or manipulate you! The best way to make this more real is by looking at your own internal landscape. Do QiGong, practice meditation, find a breathing exercise that you enjoy, read books that uplift you, LOVE LOVE LOVE yourself enough to heal, move on, and let go!! Happy Thursday folks!!