Ego and Energy

Go Inward. Ego. Spirit. Self. Self Worth. Conscious. Unconscious. These are all words that are being used by many who are searching for enlightenment. Their own and the worlds. So when I hear these words used it often times makes me wonder. What exactly IS conscious and unconscious? Where exactly IS the Center. AND..Why EXACTLY do many of the "experts" keep directing "us" to let go of our ego. I personally LIKE my ego. My ego, who I think I am and what I connect to my name, my life, my external world, is absolutely necessary to walk on this earth. To BE HERE. So, WHY is it a bad thing to be connected to?? In the Blog CREDO, by Alice O Howell she writes "Jung likened the psyche to a mandala, a circle, and every circle has a center and a circumference. • Every circle can be made bigger or smaller. • The center generates the circle. • That center is the SELF; it is a hole in the wheel through which Spirit shines and gives us life". AND if the psyche is a mandala (as Jung says) then the outside of the circle would be my ego. The place that meets the world in my physical form. It is my skin that keeps my body wrapped up. It is the way I present myself to the world. It is me. Every part of me. But it is the ME that is external. AND it is VERY necessary. Let me say that again. MY EGO IS VERY NECESSARY! (I know that goes against many many "gurus" of the times,not intended to offend) So if my ego is the outside of the circle, than my heart is on the inside, as is my brain, all of my organs, my muscles, my ligaments and tendons, and even my fat. And the only thing that is on the INSIDE and the OUTSIDE is my energy. So when I connect to my energy through: touch, thoughts, meditations, meridians, chakras, magnetic unruffling of my aura, prayers, music, sharing of my heart, open conversations, breathing, being in nature, loving my pets, being kind to those around me and to myself, paying attention to how I feel, paying more attention to how I feel, and so on and on... than I am going inward. I have access to my EGO (my external world) and my ENERGY/SPIRIT/QI (my internal world). And for me, that's what a balanced life is all about. With love, Janet

Fertilizer and flowers

Most folks would say I am pretty positive. And I would say that too. I would say that I can usually see the good, and recognize the suffering of others and have compassion and empathy. Most folks have never experienced my "non positive" side, because I often process on my own, quietly, with respect for those around me, so that they don't have to experience the "pissiness" of me while I am figuring my own stuff out... I call that process "Being fertilized". So recently I posted two rather direct, non positive, non compassionate posts on my facebook wall. And one good friend privately contacted me to share their feelings and share how my post made them feel not so good. And I really appreciate that feedback. The conversation about having compassion for others while they are struggling, and sometimes others suffering is not a choice, made me think... about things that have been out of my control for the past 6 months. Of course I believed that "controlling" my feelings and keeping the part of my self that was experiencing fertilization was a good thing, I have recently come to see (thanks for the wasps who crawled up my pants) that keeping my feelings controlled has not been good for ME... So yesterday out of anger and frustration I posted "If your life sucks change it... The end" (which I have taken down) and it hurt some of my friends who are struggling with the fertilization process also. And it made me realize that what is happening is happening for a reason, and yes it is sucky for me financially. And it is sucky for some of my clients as I had been previously been able to offer free cancer massage and did other volunteer services in the community and due to anothers life choices I am not able to do that... So I sat with this. And I asked myself, can I still volunteer? Do I really believe that the Universe will step in and

take care of the expenses that I will be unable to pay if I do less paying massage? I already do trade for some food and other life necesitities, but the fact is taxes need to be paid, banks are not interested in trading for my car loan, Geico could care less if I don't pay because they will just push a button and end my insurance, and growing kids need to have clothes and shoes that fit them... AND What's the worst thing that could happen if I just stopped believing that this other persons life choices are affecting me. So I decided to look at the past few months of this "out of my control" life situation and change it. I decided to think about it as a fertilization process. I thought about that word. And in my thinking I was paying attention to the beautiful flowers that surround me on a daily basis. And I decided its okay for me to feel anger about this. Its okay with me to not be happy with this person. And its okay for me to express it so that it doesn't get stuck inside me... AND it just means that with this process, while I am in the depths of sh*tty feelings, my roots are being strengthened. AND soon, sweet fruit and a more vibrant beautiful flower of myself will emerge. My hope is that the 90% of my positivity will out weigh the 10% of my fertilizer that may occasionally seep out in the form of hurtful words or facebook posts. The End... (for now)...

I bow to you

I started out my 50th year with a movie called Dear John. My daughter and her love recommended it. They did tell me I would probably cry. And it was intense. They were not lying. So I did cry, and it was intense, and it evoked many many thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it takes something outside ourselves to make us pause, turn around, and look inward. This movie was that something. (along with the fact that I turned 50 today!). I turned the crying into deep breathing and started thinking about the hero in this movie. How he, even though hurting, used his resources for the good of another. And how his love, even though she was deeply deeply in love with him, married another for the good of his autistic child. And how both of these people seemed to really KNOW one another. How they remained connected through the years and although not closely in the physical sense, closely in the heart. Then I thought about how many people I feel so close to in my heart. And yet due to life circumstances we do not connect in the physical world. I thought about my past loves, and what each one taught me. I thought about my youth and how I (like all the others I knew at the time) tried on different faces and different loves to figure out which direction I would take. How I tried on different belief systems to see what felt the best to me. And how I made excuses for my choices, as if bargaining with the Universe, so I could feel I did “the right thing”... And then I fast forwarded to now. And how lately I feel even more deeply. Its a deep that I cannot articulate, but it wells up inside me often, and I am in awe of this energy that moves inside me, within and around me, and within and around all of us... As I was working yesterday a song came on (from the CD Grace) called “oh my beloved” and I began to cry (thankfully my client was face down on the table and didn’t witness this sappy side of self). Its been over the past ten years or so that I have “come home”. Until then I didn’t know I could love so deeply, or be loved so deeply. I didn’t know I could actually put down all walls and receive fully from another. I didn’t know I could have such compassion without attachment for another’s suffering, I didn’t know just how sweet ~ like REALLY REALLY SWEET life is... for ALL of us! OR DID I?? So I leave you with these words that are not mine, but I am holding them in my heart, my cells, my breath always. Much love and gratitude to all who I have known and loved, to all who I have known and at the time felt unlove towards, to all those whom I have not yet had the pleasure of knowing, I bow to you! ~ Janet Oh my beloved Kindness of the heart Breath of life I bow to you And I'm coming home, And I'm coming home And I'm coming home, And I'm coming home Oh my beloved Kindness of the heart Breath of life, I bow to you Divine Teacher Beloved Friend I bow to you Again and again! Lotus sitting on the water (Guru dev guru dev namo) Beyond time and space (Guru dev guru dev namo) This is your way (Guru dev guru dev namo) This is your grace (Guru dev guru dev namo) Ong namo guru dev namo Ong namo) This is your way Guru dev namo This is your way..

Laughter IS the best medicine

Recently while in a class another student took this photo of me. The first thought that came to mind was my Grandmother. I can remember during one summer visit (she used to spend a few months with my parents in the summer to get away from the extreme Florida heat) we were sitting at the kitchen table and she was sharing her amazing wisdom with me. The wisdom that comes with many years of experience... Here is what she told me: Life can be hard. Life doesn't always seem fair. Learn to laugh. Simple. Yet how often do we forget that medicine? When we laugh all the "feel good" hormones are released by the brain and flood the body. They give us a feeling of lightness. A feeling of relaxation in our shoulders and our hearts open wide. All the drama of the day washes away. And we are in the moment, the moment of pure joy... And to manifest anything we need to find those times more than not. So, I am posting this picture on my refrigerator so that every time I see it, I can return to the feeling of pure joy that I was experiencing! I can look at my face, the sparkle in my eye, the hand raised ready to slap my knee, and know that life is hard, but GOOD, Life may not always seem fair, but I trust the process and KNOW all things happen for my highest good, and I KNOW HOW TO LAUGH!! Thanks Grandma, I take your advice and raise you one!

A few days ago, my husband brought out from the barn, the skull of a female moose. It had offered herself for the feeding of a family, and he had honored her by saving the skull. As I have been sitting with the skull over the last few days I find myself fascinated by it. And usually when I am drawn to something so strongly there is a message for me. So today, I gave myself time to just sit with her. To listen to her story. To see through her eyes. To follow all the very delicate lines that fused the gigantic bones. Which led me to think about death and bones. And bones and connective tissue. And death and connective tissue. And the wondering is since bones are connective tissue why do they not "disappear" when the rest of the body does. The answer that resonates in my bones (yup I said it) was this... Bones are left as a mark that we were here. They tell a story. Each line, each break and healing, every little hole that housed a necessary organ for life, even the teeth reveal something ~ like the food that was eaten by the living being while it roamed the earth. As the day passed I began to think about the moose. I closed my eyes and pretended that I was her walking though the woods, with graceful awkwardness. this reminded me of being a child in Maine and walking with my brother in the woods and hearing and feeling a moose before we could see her. She took our breath away. We jumped into the bushes and she did not see us, but we saw her and she was enormous and glorious and magical. We felt her walk on the earth for what seemed like an hour, even after we could not see her we felt her... Then I of course looked up Moose in Animal Speak. I was not surprised at what the book revealed. According to Animal Speak Moose holds the magic of walking between the worlds. She shares how to use mediumship and work with the spirits of the dead, going into the void and coming back out. They protect their young with great primal maternal energy that very few others ever challenge. The head and the feet are the two parts of the body on the moose most sensitive, revealing that those with Moose medicine have a link to foot reflexology and also craniosacral work to facilitate healing for self and others. The Moose has always been a powerful omen, reflecting a good long life. When Moose comes into your life the primal contact with the great feminine force and void of life is being awakened. It is an invitation to learn to explore new depths of awareness and sensitivity within yourself and your environment. When I sit with the Moose skull and I ask her if this is true for me, she says quite clearly, right on Janet!!

Memories for Mother's Day

Having conversations with friends about our Mothers, since it is Mother's day weekend, I took the opportunity to walk through the past and here is what came to me... I wonder how I was fortunate enough to have ended up the me I am today. I wonder how you, mother, managed to instill love, respect, responsibility, and hope after being taught as a child so many other realities. How does one rise above the pain and self imposed shame of childhood abuse, the internal guilt of "why didn't I protect my daughters" and the societal belief that maybe we deserved it? How? Once in an intimate conversation you asked me If I could ever forgive you? It made me sad to realize that I had forgiven you years ago, and that you really only needed to forgive yourself. I could only imagine how you must have felt experiencing the same thing I did but living in a time when it was a big no no to share any family secrets and a time when people believed the story of "don't hang out your dirty laundry in public". I even shocked you when I told you I had forgiven the man, who I was raised to believe was my grandfather, who started the cycle of abuse... How could I not... As a boy being raised in Austria as one of Hitlers Youth. How could he have done better? He was programmed for pain, to give and receive. But you, you chose the high road. You rose above childhood programming. You taught love and instilled a deep sense of self respect and shared the truth with all your children that "we could be or do anything we believed we could be or do". When I take the time to sit with both of our pasts I am so grateful to the you of then and the me of now, and if I had to be born again I would still choose you. Mother.

Spring Cleaning and Castor Oil Packs

As spring makes itself present, many of us are cleaning up our yards, cleaning out closets, packing away winter clothing and bringing out the short sleeves and light weight jackets. For me it always feels good to get my home ready for the new season. I can feel it in my body when it has been cleaned up, unused or broken items removed, walls washed, frig cleaned out, and patio furniture spray washed and ready for use. I feel like I walk lighter on my feet once it has been finished. So if we clean out our houses, what about cleaning out our bodies, our spirits home? Along with eating more fruits and veggies and drinking plenty of water, I often turn to castor oil packs in the spring to clean out my inner workings... I find it to be one of the best self care treatments I can do on a regular basis to improve my own health. Castor oil, applied topically to the abdomen, is absorbed through the skin directly into the lymphatic fluid. It thins the lymphatic fluid and promotes its circulation throughout the body with special attention to the liver, spleen, and intestines. Our lymphatic system (our bodies “sewer system”) absorbs dead cells, functional immune complexes, and debris from all over the body and brings it to the liver and spleen for filtering. When our lymphatic system becomes slow and stagnant it effects digestion and "gut" immunity leading to inefficient bowel movements, susceptibility to viruses, and worsening food sensitivities. Castor Oil is an "old fashioned" remedy which improves circulation to the vital organs and can correct the aforementioned processes. Its easy to do, not that expensive, and has no known side-effects. I will often do it 3 to 4 nights in a row, once a month, to keep my insides working well. I also find that it helps alleviate back aches, stomach aches, and headaches when done regularly. To do a castor oil pack you will, of course, need castor oil. I highly recommend cold pressed organic, since it is absorbed into your system, you really don't want added chemicals or pesticides... right?? Next cut a piece of cotton flannel (I usually recommend that it not be colored, as the dye will also be absorbed through the process of castor oil pack). Find an old towel or t-shirt (which you will need to prevent staining your sheets or the couch if you do it while resting on your couch). And last but not least a hot water bottle, heating pad, or microwavable bean bag. Procedure Pour approximately 1-2 tablespoons of Castor Oil to your cotton flannel and apply onto the upper right quadrant of your abdomen, just under the ribcage (location of liver). Place your old towel or t-shirt over the flannel to keep any excess oil from touching your sheets. Place heat source on top of the towel. Temperature should be high enough for you to feel the warmth on your skin but not get burned. Relax for 30-45 minutes while your skin absorbs the oil. This is a nice ritual to do before going to sleep, while reading or relaxing in bed, or watching a movie. You can keep a container next to the bed so that when you are ready to go to sleep it is easy to drop all materials into the container without getting out of bed. You can keep the flannel in a plastic bag in the refrigerator and re-use it for all four nights. Be sure to take it out about an hour before you plan to use it again so that it is does not freeze your tummy when applied again. Happy spring cleaning! Be well, Janet