August: Osage County, and other thoughts about vibrations

Tonight I saw the movie August: Osage County. It was truly a heavy HEAVY movie. But the good thing about movies like that are that they cause the viewer to ponder, well ok, they cause THIS viewer to ponder. And while pondering, I ponder about not only this movie, but about my own patterns. Family patterns. And when we think we are doing better for our kids than our parents did for us, seeing that we all just did our best. Our best, which sometimes can be seen by others as not good enough... And then I ponder about how the Universe gives us snippets and thoughts and songs and books and movies and stories that help us see our own stuff. The stuff that we just don't see until we see it... So after the movie, my love and I were talking about patterns. Patterns of our selves, generational patterns going back through our families, patterns of our parenting, patterns of our relationships (current and past) and patterns of the future. We talked about cellular patterns, and how we "pass things down" from generation to generation. How we tell ourselves that we are different from those before us, and how we then go on to choose similar situations to learn from, just with different people... It is such a HUGE and fascinating topic. And one that if you are going to explore it is best to be gentle in the exploration with ourselves and others. To look at things from a lovingly detached perspective, like a witness, rather than the star of the show... With that being said, here is a story that came to me just a day ago. A story that started this whole thought thread... Grandma Marey: Marey with an E. My Grandma, who I saw not enough, but who left a lasting impression. I often wondered how she did it. Always smiling. She always had really good "spreads" of homegrown foods and soups when we visited. While Mom and Grandma talked we would run around and play, exploring the underground magic of the old house's front porch where she lived. The porch was falling apart, but it wrapped around the entire house and there were cool things, tools that we had never seen, and old furniture to be fixed, all stored underneath it. My younger brother James and I would play mostly, while my older sister read or played the piano, and for some reason I don't have any memory of my older brother Jeff playing with us at all. But what we would do all together was color. Grandma Marey with an E had a whole cabinet of crayons and coloring books, different kinds of papers, glue, sparkles, and different pieces of fabric for cool art projects. Grandma Marey with an E, who was taken from her Mother by the Sisters. Grandma Marey with an E, who was taught how to be a proper girl, who learned about Sunday school and pergatory. Grandma Marey with an E... E for everygreen, extraodinary, enriched, elated, eradicate, elusive, elective and exist. That E. As a kid I would make up stories about her life. She never talked about the past. Mom said it was because she didn't remember. She had had an "accident". And that was always the end of it. We always loved the crayons and paper best. Grandma Marey with an E encouraged us to draw or write about something we remembered from the time in between our visits. She would display our "creations" all over her house. Taped to the walls, magneted to the frig or metal file cabinet, or just laying out on her coffee table. I think after we all left she would go through them an piece together our lives, our joys, our traumas, or triumphs and it made her very happy. Grandma Marey with an E grew up in an orphanage. Not because she was orphaned, but because of her Mother's lineage. Grandma Marey's father had died early and her mother was deemed "not capable" to raise Christian children, and so the Sisters came, and her mother stayed, and there wasn't much discussion about how long, or why or when she would return. But Grandma Marey with an E went. She obeyed. She knew the "sin" of her mother. Grandmother Marey, not Mary like the Mother who was pure and holy, began forgetting who she was. She erased (an E word) herself. She did not exist, but to serve others. And she taught my mother how not to exist, and my mother taught me. And she didn't exist unless it was through others. She loved us so. She enticed us into telling her our dreams. Dreams, she said, was where we all could exist. Dreams were real. I will come to you in your dreams, hold onto your dreams, Be who you want to be in your dreams. And at the end of the day we would all pile into the station wagon and go home. And we would dream outloud, very noisy, lots of singing, lots of stories, lots of teasing... And the car ride seemed to make my Mom really quiet. Which I never really understood. But at Grandma Marey with an E's funeral I understood. We were part Indian. We were sinners. We did not exist. But I changed that pattern. I named my baby girl (who was born shorly after my Grandmothers death) Sara MAREY (with an E), and she exists, she excels, she enlivens, she excites, she has an E! And, to bring this whole story back around, my Grandmothers patterns were passed down to my me. And I chose many of the same lessons, and I also changed many of the lessons learned. And I am sure I taught my children things that I am not even aware of because we share energy. And energy is stored in cells. And we share cells. And we share cellular memory of a lineage that is filled with ceremony, and the earth, and beleifs that are far different than westerners, and a lineage that is filled with pain. Ancestral pain. May it rest in peace and transform with this generation. Namaste

I've been doing much pondering about life today. And one of the things that keeps coming up for me is "how do I create support and acceptance in my personal life, and my community. How can I raise my own vibration of joy and abundance, while being part of a community who does that too." These questions reminded me that... Everything in the Universe springs from the Source (which has many different names depending upon where you live and what your belief system is). The Source is undifferentiated energy. From the Source springs Yin and Yang and all of the "ten thousand things". I know that in order to be physical, we must posses the energy of Yin and Yang. When these two energies separate, we cease to be physical, and we return to Source. Manifest things we can see, feel and identify are condensed energy (which is tangible). The energy around us is usually intangible, finer, clearer, more energetic, less material, and often times not obvious to our senses. I KNOW that with practice we begin to sense the difference between these energies and we learn the language of the Self (capital S). I KNOW the continuum of energy to matter starts with an idea. An idea has a frequency. An energetic vibration. What we think and feel, we create. We create it to validate a belief, as either true or false to us, which either works to bring us joy or works to create suffering. I KNOW by learning to quiet the mind, and sense the body, we learn to tune into our own truth, the knowing we came here with, which is different for all beings... I KNOW this takes practice. I KNOW it is easier to stay committed to a practice when we have others participating with us on a regular basis. With that said, I am wondering if there are those "out there" who might want to join a gathering to learn and experience ways to sense energy, to find our authentic self, to make time to be quiet, and to learn how to be gentle with ourselves on this journey called LIFE. AND to be clear... exploring our internal landscape may not always be pretty; looking at the parts of ourself that the world may see as unacceptable can be scary and difficult. AND Recognizing those places within ourselves does not mean we need to respond from those places. Everything we hold is ours. We get to choose in every moment what works and what doesn’t. Question what doesn’t feel good. Celebrate what does feel good. Aim for balance of Yin and Yang. Learn to breathe deeply. If you are interested in being part of a gathering that will meet, celebrate, encourage, and raise each other up, please contact me. If there are at least 4 others, I would love to host the gathering. We can make it anything we want. We can incorporate food, We can incorporate wine (not too much...), we can (depending upon the size of our gathering) meet at different locations. Looking forward to it all!!!

Really NYS... Time for a shift in thinking...

Hello my dear friends, As some of you might know for the last few years I’ve been training and working with Cindy Black (Meridian Massage Institute and former co-owner of Fingerlakes School of Massage, my Almamater), learning so much about our energetic body and beginning to understand just how connected we are to nature and its cycles. After supporting her teaching of the Meridian Massage Certification program last summer I have felt a call to teach. I really want to teach about energy. Help human beings be more gentle with themselves and each other, help to share the amazing information I have learned over the years about health and wellness (which sometimes, ok ok most times, is very different than what western medicine has trained us to believe it to be). To be able to provide others with tools to be well in mind, body and spirit. So, as always, I followed that dream and applied to Finger lakes school of massage, to teach Energy Palpation. I was very surprised at the response I got. According to NYS regulations you need to have a BS or Masters degree to teach Massage. WHAT??!! Wow, is NYS F***ked up. In my opinion, this limits the massage education because as we all know, massage is way more than just muscles... Its spirit and energy and intuition and love. So I shared this with my dear friend Cindy, as she was one of my references and I so appreciate her insights and wisdom and heart. And guess what she said... Start your own damn massage school... SO, guess what, I am embarking on a journey... In 2014 I am going to jump through all the hoops of NYS and get the necessary acreditations and “approvals” to start a new massage school, This school will be very different from all the ones that I know of. It will teach all the required courses (A&P/Kinesiology, etc) but it will be very focused on the energy body. It will include courses taught by Shamans, It will host guest teachers (like Cindy Black, woo hoo), it will include classes in QiGong and will offer other tools for the students to find a path inward, because it is my belief that when we spend time turning into ourselves, we can create an outer world based more on heart and soul and love and divinity. Anyway, here are some of my thoughts about creating this new school. I would love any thoughts you might have, and if you are already an LMT and had particular things about massage school that you really really loved and wanted to know more about, and things that you felt were not really helpful, now is a perfect time to speak up! AND just to clarify... This is not to say that FLSM is not a great school, Because it is. It offers a great education and the teachers there are magnificent. But the school I want to create will be different. It will be Sacred. It will be Sacred Waters school of Massage and Energy Medicine... Ok, here are some ideas, add any you might have please: *Minimum age of 25 to get in - this allows for students to have experienced life past high school, making exceptions for extremely committed younger people. *No financial aid because that creates a million hassles - so keeping the cost lower than other places in the area - and that would be simple if I keep the administrative functions to a minimum (call in my 20+ years of being an executive secretary!). * By not taking student loans, I will not graduate people with major debt - either a person has the ability to manage it or they don't.  Not having the ability to manage the money part means go to another school that will help you get into debt. I know that to be a successful LMT you have to be able to manage the money side, and that can start with managing money to pay for school.  There has to be a dedication to the work beyond the sounds of "I can make $60 an hour- how cool!" * Complete the program in a year, rather than intensive format - this keeps things easier for everyone and differentiates the program from others. * Make the core of the curriculum energy or meridian based - this keeps it different and gives a solid foundation for beginning work. * Take the last two months or so to focus heavily - I mean very heavily, on the NY exam. This would free up space during the rest of the program to be in a more healing and intuitive space. * Cultivate the school as small, intimate, refined, "the real deal" place.  It is great in part because it is small - no need to become a business mammoth, make the education the first priority and I know from experience that the money will be plentiful. It is a business yes, but it will be an educational-healing program first.  So, thats about it. I wanted to share this with you because I really honor your thoughts and ideas! Thanks for listening and much love to you in the new year! Janet

Step parenting and the likes

It is so interesting to me that sometimes I just can't see whats right in front of my nose. I hang on to someone or something because I think its "the right thing to do". Or, if I love them I need to continue to try to be in relationship with them. But recently I have had an awakening... My 16 year old step son, whom until the last 2 months was lovely towards me, has taught me a good lesson. He has been increasingly sarcastic and rude to me. He has been aggressive and "in your face" with his Dad. It has been quite a change and one that has been surprising to me and has been hard on my heart. So last week he blocked me and his Dad on facebook. Then when he came home from his Mom's house, we said it didn't feel good to us, and that it felt like he was trying to keep secrets or wanted to be able to share things with others that he didn't want us to know about. He didn't see it the same way, and began first by belittling us for our feelings, then by trying to make us feel like we were being ridiculous, then when we remained kind but clear with what this choice of his might produce from us, he said he didn't want us to know his business. Then he got very direct and told me that I was not his mother, and that he loved me, and because I was married to his father he would have to deal with me in his life, but that he didn't want me taking part in making any school decisions or trying to help him with any personal matters in his life. And that he wouldn't be made to feel guilty for his choice to block us on facebook. So, of course, I took a deep breath and let him know that we didn't want him to feel guilty, and of course it was his facebook page, but that by blocking us it felt like he was being dishonest with us. It didn't feel good to us, but that he could do what he wanted in that area of his life and that we would do what we wanted in our area of life. I share this because I want you to get an idea of the energy that was present, not because I believe there is a right or wrong in the situation, or that anyone needs to take sides... It surprised me that I felt so strongly about the facebook blocking. I mean really, its a virtual thing, its not real, right? Wrong. We are very much a virtual society and I am not sure about anyone else but I feel energy coming through loud and clear in emails, and on facebook. I have a knack of reading between the words, and FEELING the energy behind things. And what I felt was a cutting out. I felt there was a clear intention and message of disconnect. A very strong message. And so I needed to sit with myself and figure out what was the best way to respond. At first I was thinking of lots of ways, angry ways, to say fuck you (sorry for the graphic words, just being honest). I thought about turning off the internet, and disconnecting his cell phone (both of which I pay), and shunning him, but after I screamed these things to the trees I began laughing. And I thought, he is right, I am not his mother. I am not responsible for his education or his entertainment or his laundry or his meals. I am responsible to love him, like I would anyone else who had hurt, disappointed, or generally sent yuck towards me. And I got very clear inside myself that loving him did not mean that I would participate in any behavior or conversation that was ugly or hurtful. So, on new years eve I did a ceremony for us. I wrote down all my feelings and burned them. I asked the Universe to help us each see the other clearly while processing this change in our relationship. And I felt a weight come off my shoulders knowing that we would be fine. And that he would be fine. He has two terrific parents who are capable of being responsible for him, and I do not need to be part of that energy. So I say to him, to myself, and to his parents... Live long, live well, prosper, and do the best you can during these lovely teenage years of exploration and testing and pushing and figuring and trying on personalities that feel just right. Happy New year y'all!

Smiling Qi Gong, a pathway in

Today as I was practicing a very simple QiGong practice of smiling at myself I had the "brilliant" idea of sharing this with YOU, so that you might consider this practice also... This is a great way to start the day! It can help your focus be on the pathway into yourself. So my holiday gift to you is to share this practice, while in my minds eye seeing you filled with abundance and love! xo Janet To start, sit (or lay down) comfortably. Take the tip of your tongue in-between your two front teeth, then run it upwards until it meets the roof of your mouth. This allows your energy to flow through the internal energy pathways of your yin organs. Think about something, someone, or somewhere that makes you smile BIG. Now take that energy (that happy smiling energy) and begin... Feel the warmth of your emotions. Allow that memory to refresh you. To deeply calm you. To release any tension from your immediate circumstances prior to starting the smile. Now breathe until you feel that smile overflowing! Hold your attention at that smile smiling back at you until it washes over your entire person. From the third eye (between your eyebrows) breathe in, draw this energy down from the brow through your tongue and throat to your heart. Your amazing heart works everyday for you, sending blood and oxygen to every cell. Take this opportunity to thank your heart. Allow that smile (energy/Qi) to fill your heart until it overflows into the pericardium (the tissue that holds the heart, the heart protector) filled with joy. Think of the blood bubbling with happy! Feel each heart beat as a smile and a wink (ok ok, that's just what I do, you can do or feel whatever you want to as long as it is joy filled). Now with your minds eye see that joy overflowing from the heart and pericardium into the lungs. Feel your lungs expanding and taking in oxygen, sustaining you. Breath is our connection to spirit so taking this opportunity to say thank you to your breath and to your lungs for holding fresh clean energy of heaven for you. And when the smile energy is so full, allow it to overflow into the Liver. While smiling to your liver think about this... It is the largest organ you have. It has many functions, it cleans and harmonizes the outside world that you take in. Smile and love your liver! From the liver allow the energy to overflow into the kidneys, the organs that filter all your fluids. The energy of the kidneys (water) is our most yin, deepest internal energy we posses. The kidneys hold our essence. All that we are. So take extra special care to thank your kidneys and smile even bigger! When the energy of the kidneys is overflowing let it move to your spleen. The spleen is the yin organ of the earth element. Without Earth we are nothing. This energy is about abundance, nourishment, about feeling taken care of. Its a feeling of "all is well", and "I am always supported". So breath into your spleen (located just below your rib cage on the left, opposite the liver) and say thank you, I love you, you rock! When that spleen energy is overflowing see that energy (Qi) gathering at your navel. Now "wind" that energy into your navel. Bring it back to the beginning with the corners of your mouth and relax. Allow your mouth to become neutral. Then send it through your brown and tongue, then disconnect your tongue from the roof of your mouth. Then concentrate your energy into your hands. Place them over your navel. Seal the energy there. This is your center. This is where we hold our will power, and all our beliefs about ourselves. Feel this area warmed with your energy. Feel it overflowing into your hands. Now how do you feel? Can you think of a word, phrase, image or symbol to describe this feeling? Slowly open your eyes if they were closed, bring your attention to the room around you. Bringing your consciousness back out into the world, and try to keep the word, phrase, image or symbol in your thoughts today! It will automatically re-connect you to your internal smiling self!! Happy holidays my dear friends! Keep smiling~

Karma

A few years ago I was in a relationship with a person who turned out to be not so honest with me. I learned from that relationship many lessons about how to say no, how to stand up for myself kindly, and how to feel the difference between words with action and empty words that might sound lovely, but have no substance. Anyway, this person I was in relationship with (we'll call them Jim) borrowed quite a bit of money from me under the pretense that we were building a business and a future. Once the money was paid, the building was done, the license earned, "Jim" told me that he was not interested in continuing the agreement and left me with no money in my savings, a few credit cards maxed out, and a hurt and angry heart. During the ending of the relationship I found out that "Jim" had done the same thing to another woman ten years earlier. She was a woman I knew, but who had never said anything to me about this legal battle she had been in for years to try to get back her money. She didn't share because she didn't want to "talk shit" about anyone. When I found this out I felt doubly dumb (which I got over quickly). I began my own legal proceedings to regain my money, and when I finally got half I let the rest go. And of course the Universe works miracles... And sometimes they take a little time BUT, long story short, the woman who was owed $30,000.00 for a loan taken out in her name years ago, finally got paid. And she got paid because (in passing) the Universe brought she and I together the day I received my check from "Jim" and I was on my way to the bank. And of course I was quite happy, so when we "bumped" into each other I shared. And she shared that the reason she couldn't get repaid was because "Jim" kept changing banks and by the time her lawyer would find out about a bank account for "Jim" he would close it and move his money (tricky devil indeed). So, I gave her a copy of my check. She took that copied check directly to her lawyer. Her lawyer froze "Jim's" accounts and finally she got paid. And I haven't seen her for a few years. And today, the Universe brought us together at the grocery store and she hugged me and thanked me and we cried happy tears. And for a brief moment I was really really happy that "Jim" had to pay. I was happy that he was suffering. And then I felt bad that I was happy he was suffering so I shared that with my husband Fred when I got home. And Fred said that actually I had ENDED years of suffering for "Jim" because he finally did the honorable thing (even if was because he was forced to). And now "Jim" can sleep easier knowing that the suffering he had caused was over. And I could be assured that I was not happy for "Jim's" suffering but elated at this other woman's final good fortune! Ah Universe you never cease to amaze me!

Doers and Deciders and QiGong

More than "doers" we are "deciders". This is the thought that always comes to me when I talk about doing/changing something. Sometimes I talk and talk and talk and then talk somemore... Lots of times I talk about a dietary change, or a schedule change, or a hairstyle change, or a friendship change, or a vacation change, or an exercise change, or a blah blah blah... And sometimes I actually make the change. And sometimes I don't. And sometimes I get really hard on myself for NOT making the change because I know how good it will be for me. And sometimes I really just don't care... BUT here is one change that I made this year and I am so glad that I DECIDED to do it. I talked about it for a year. I started and stopped it for a few months. Then one day I woke up and KNEW I was ready, I had actually decided... The change was... (drum roll please) to incorporate QiGong into my daily practice!! QiGong = Qi (energy/vitality/Life) + Gong (working/developing/cultivating). So QiGong (to me) means working with my energy to cultivate a long and happy life! There are many types of QiGong and people practice for many different reasons. For health, for strength, for control over their mind, for sexual vitality, for peace within, to release fear of life and death, for better performance as an athlete, martial arts, for spiritual development, to increase psychic abilities and tune their sensory apparatus to higher frequencies, etc. To learn about QiGong takes practice. Every day I recognize something new about myself and my energy. The coolest thing that has happened is that I am more aware of my body in space. I am aware of my energy when I walk, or sit, or play, or work, or cook, or hang out with my friends. And being aware of my energy (which has been a passion of mine for a very long time) helps me know how to hold onto my own energy (hangin onto my Qi). To recognize situations that are energy suckers, to know how to cultivate my own energy field by doing an exercise called the micro cosmic orbit which circulates the energy in my Governing and Conception vessels (the two extraordinary meridians that are "in charge of" all the yang and yin in my body) and by gathering my resources and then zipping up my Qi jacket each morning and really feeling myself. I am also recognizing that I am not as refreshed and relaxed at the end of the day if I don't do at least some QiGong in the morning. There are lots and lots of resources and lots and lots of people practicing and lots and lots of different exercises to fit lots and lots of different people. So my suggestion is to check it out on You Tube. Google QiGong exercises and see what comes up. Or give me a call and let me know you want to get together and practice together. Whatever works I hope you DECIDE to give it a try! Happy holidays and may THE FORCE be with you!!