Missy Maloney, my first lost love

Today I had a very interesting experience with memory...
This morning Jim got the tractor stuck at the edge of the pond. Someone needed to sit on the tractor while the jeep pulled it out and since I was not comfortable pulling it out, I took the job of sitting on the tractor. As I was sitting on it as I took my foot off the brake to allow it to be pulled backwards it slipped a little forward first. Of course Jim had it all under control and seconds later the tractor was pulled away from the edge of the pond and I was safely off of it. But in that split second where it was slipping a memory slipped in, not just into my mind, but into my body.

The memory was of my best friend, my first love, who died at age 16. Her car went off a bridge and she drowned. Here's the part that was interesting. I had moved away a year before that and we had drifted apart ~ ya' know how it goes. You call alot at first then there are a few visits but then it stops. It stopped because our last visit I was very angry. I was angry because she had moved on with her life and was happy and I had been moved and was not happy. 6 months later she was gone. I didn't go to her funeral. I didn't even cry. I stuffed it...

Today all the emotions that were stuffed came back. It hit me blindsided. I didn't realize I had been holding so much anger and guilt. Anger that she left me (died) and I never got to say sorry. Guilt because I was angry at her for leaving. Lots of feelings that I was not even aware that I was holding.

So, the question I have is this... How many things happen to us on our journey here on this earth that we stuff that later comes out (when the just the right button is pushed) in yucky spewingness (I know, I know, not a word ~ but you know exactly what I am saying). And then the next question is how do we remember this lesson so that when someone else is feeling something that is painful so that we can hold the space of lovingkindness. That's the test. Holding the space of lovingkindness through the "stuff" that is being released, even when we are not aware that we are releasing stuff...

To end this post I say Thank You to my friend Missy Maloney who taught me about love and friendship and death and pain. She will never be forgotten in my heart.

Shamonic Journey with Elizabeth

She appears as the drum beat begins
the body's syncopation
Eager heart question not
As the eagle sits
on her unharmed arm

Take flight, receive, imagine, believe
Guidance whispered kindly "Stand Firm"
Whipping wind washing
memories of want
as the talons sink deep
into un-pained flesh

Stand firm
Stand firm
Stand firm

Sweet is the fruit that is planted in love, watered with kindness, warmed by a smiling sun and picked by a grateful hand. Endless shades and possibilities exist for each blossom to grow into. Treat yourself and your life as if it is the most bountiful tree in the orchard.

This to me is a most beautiful sentiment, and I believe it to be 100% true.

If we all could think of ourselves as the most beautiful tree in the orchard we wouldn't fall into the trap of comparison and labels. Comparison to others is a sure way to reduce yourself to the lowest common denominator, and then you create a label (I am...) to really reduce yourself.
I know it can be difficult to remember how special we each are, especially when commercials and advertising are letting us know how good we could be if we only purchased (x,y,z)... Do we really need things or do we want things. Can we survive on less? Will we be viewed as "less" if we HAVE less? I say the less I have the less I need. If I only have to pay $1500 a month to live (mortgage, food, car, etc.) then I only have to work for 40 hours a week... That gives me LOTS of play time, and when I play I create the vibration of joy, and when I am joyful I see myself as the most beautiful tree in the orchard, and when I create that vibration, I call to myself more resources to do what I want to do!

So my question to you today is: How can you live on less so that you can have (internally, in your relationships, in your community, etc.) more?

The acorn that we all are

This weekend I was in the presence of like minded loving individuals, playing and learning and experiencing Chi!!
While experiencing the question was raised about an acorn and what do you see when you look at the acorn... I see a seed, and potential, and the beginnings of beautiful strong oak tree! Then we were asked to see all those we come in contact with as the acorn and I thought to myself, what a concept, if all of us could do this more than not.

I do it in my practice of bodywork and energy therapy, but once in a great while I get stuck in seeing someone for where they have been and what they have done (to me sometimes, and sometimes to others) and I sit in judgement. So, my pledge to myself is this... to become more aware of when the non-acorn thinking is happening and to pause, take a moment to redirect my thoughts, and to see them as the beautiful strong oak that they are ~ no matter where they are on their path...

Thanks to all those who spent the time talking, working, and pondering about the possibilities of life! Be well!

Under the sea she lives

This past week has been interesting to say the least... I have learned many many lessons about following my own rules, being okay with letting go of a group of lovely individuals who are not in sync with my vibration, and being non-judgemental about them vs. me, or vice versa... All IS well! We are all free! This was the line of thought that was running through most of my interactions, thoughts and feelings as I sat down to write this morning with two amazing women poets!
Here's one of the poems that came through ~ Enjoy!

Her own rules

Under the sea she lives
diving, swimming, coming up for air
through the thick thoughts of others
whose minds are fertile with the
imagined story of her life.

Under the sea she lives
Sacred dance unseen powers
experienced waters attune to
the internal rhythm of the self.

Under the sea she lives
Upstream the witness revels in the
timely severance of the current
release expected response
bathe, purify and forgive
the unserving patterns of the pack.

Under the sea she lives
Under the sea she lives
Under the sea

~Janet, 6/12/2010

spiritual parenting group

So dear blog friends, topic today is parenting... This has been in the forefront of my life ~ really in a big way ~ for the past few weeks. I am being given the opportunity to parent again and it is amazing how much energy this takes out of a human being when done in a good and loving way...

As you know, I believe we all do the best we can with what we know, so I wonder if we know better and there is a place to go to learn more, would we be able to collectively shift the energy of our school aged children? I have been processing this thought... Mulling it over you might say... Dreaming about it, reading about, asking for guidance about it, etc. I have also had a number of friends and clients bringing the topic of parenting out into the open for honest conversation.

So many of us have such full lives ~ overflowing at times ~ and it is our parenting, our connection with those young ones in our lives that tends to frustrate and put us "over the edge"... "I've tried everything and nothing works", "I just can't take it anymore", "Wish I could just take a break and breathe" are a few of the sentences other parents have used to describe their frustration and tolerance for teenage behavior. I have had those moments myself recently and I remember feeling that when my kids were teens and tweens.

One of the things that helped me stay grounded and keep me from taking my frustration out on my children as they were teens "trying on different faces" to see which one's fit best was this: A Mom's group. There were a group of us Mom's who got together once a month, did a dish to pass, and openly chatted about our parenting oooppsses and triumphs and then helped each other see another way of handling situations based upon our own experiences. Sometimes the information shared was not helpful for me personally but it was always helpful for someone in the group. We supported each other. We knew each other. We were there as back up daycare, as emergency transports to school events, as people in the community that our children felt safe going to with questions or when they needed help and just couldn't talk to their own parents. It was a safe haven this wonderful group of Mom's. It gave me a connection to other parents and helped me not feel crazy... So many times things seemed so BIG and yet when taken and aired out they were put into perspective and felt manageable.

I would like to take this Mom's group a step further. I would like it to be a parenting group that no one person runs, that all are committed to, and that is based on creating sacred space for parents and positive influence for kids. Sooo, if you or someone you know is interesting in co-creating a space for spiritual (not religious) parenting, please let me know. Would love to hear your thoughts and feelings on the subject. Until next time, may you be filled with love and all your dreams manifest into physical reality!! xo

Reflexology Certification Begins

Been a few months since I have delved into the books, so I have been guided to begin the process of reflexology certification. The practice of reflexology sheds a fascinating focus to the practitioner on the understanding of human health. The condition of the human foot is a reflection of the status of all the major body systems: skin, musculoskelatal, secretory, nervous, and circulatory. It can offer another way of pain control and stress releif that has been tried throughout centuries. Our health care "system" is re-discovering methods which were applied hundreds of years ago (reflexology) and are now coming "back to life" so to speak...

I have been practicing reflexology since 2004, but have only been incorporating it into sessions. Now, with this new advanced knowledge I will be able to do a whole hour of reflexology. In this program that begins June 13th and ends the end of October, I will form a totally new relationship with feet.

Preparing for this upcoming training has brought lots of attention to my own feet. I recognize how much they do for me ~ and I don't say thank you enough! Soooo, thank you feet, thank you for carrying me through this world, thank you for allowing me to stand upright, thank you for taking a beating with shoes that make you sweat, and shoes that are too tight and shoes that are too high and shoes that are too...

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!