It amazes me at how so many folks put such pressure on themselves at this time of the year. Example #1:I have a friend who spent 12 hours (really, 12 whole hours) shopping for presents ~ which probably will be used for a total of 12 hours, and then for 12 months they'll have to pay for them... Why? Because it is their belief that if they find the perfect present for all their children and family then they are a "good" person. They can think of themselves as good, giving, caring, thoughtful, and loved. Example #2: One person I know gets so stressed out about the house being "spotless" that they yell and scream and have panic attacks if there is even a speck of dust on the shelves ~ and guess what, no one even cares if their house is spotless. All they want to do is hang out, watch football, have some drinks, and eat (and after a few drinks they can't see anything on the shelves anyway).
As you can see, I have my own issues with the holidays. This is the time of year that I get frustrated. Probably because I refuse to celebrate in the typical socially acceptable way... I choose to not have a tree, not buy gifts, not hang lights, and not run up my credit cards... And because I choose not to, I have a hard time when others who know I don't celebrate get me a gift and then expect one in return. OR is it that I feel guilty for not getting them a gift and it has nothing to do with them at all?? The point is, I am taking this holiday season to not be so stubborn about not celebrating... I will eat drink and be merry, without getting sucked into the gifts and money aspect. I will share friendship and make memories with those I love based on laughter and sillyness. I will not feel guilty when someone gives me a gift ~ I will choose to see it as coming from the goodness of their heart. AND I will practice being gentle with myself as I have suggested to many others!
So, happy holidays! May we all be abundantly blessed in whatever fashion that we desire! Cheers,
Janet
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I am the One
Every other week I gather with a few very wonderful women and we write poetry. It has been an awesome experience for me. I am not educated to write poetry, I do not hold any kind of degree in English literature, but I am fortunate to have been raised by parents who believed the proper use of the vocabulary was imperative, and so we spent many hours learning new words and their meanings. On a side note, I also did this with my children ~ we would take out the dictionary and choose a word, see if we knew the definition and if not we read it, then we used it in a story, then we made up other words that sounded to us to mean the same thing...
So, back to poetry group... I have used poetry as an outlet for thoughts, imaginings, feelings, events, hopes and dreams, etc. for about 5 years ~ started as a way to explore the feelings I had while going through a divorce. I was amazed at what was inside and came out on paper. With prompts (the use of objects, photos, scents, words, magazine articles) I learned to sift through the muck in my mind and have clear concise points of release.
And tonight was no different. As we sat in front of the blazing fire, our prompts were photographs. I chose an Anne Geddes that seemed to jump up and land in my hand. And so I began to receive feelings from the photo. Then I felt like someone was whispering in my ear. So I asked ~ Who Are You? And I heard...
I am the one hidden in the roots, curled around the crevices of earth and wood, sleeping neatly in the spaces in between.
I am the one you laugh with and cry with. The one who holds your hand and covers your eyes to the world hidden beneath the surface.
I am the one that sits and valiantly protects the soft broken places, filling the holes with warm rain mud so the mending can begin.
I am the one gifted with wings to fly away and touch the night of dreams. Connecting our worlds of seen and unseen.
I am the one who came here with you, from birth through growth to death and decay.
and I am the one who remains.
It flowed so quickly and once it was recorded on paper the presence that I had felt whispering over my shoulder said good night. And I am the one who remains...
So, back to poetry group... I have used poetry as an outlet for thoughts, imaginings, feelings, events, hopes and dreams, etc. for about 5 years ~ started as a way to explore the feelings I had while going through a divorce. I was amazed at what was inside and came out on paper. With prompts (the use of objects, photos, scents, words, magazine articles) I learned to sift through the muck in my mind and have clear concise points of release.
And tonight was no different. As we sat in front of the blazing fire, our prompts were photographs. I chose an Anne Geddes that seemed to jump up and land in my hand. And so I began to receive feelings from the photo. Then I felt like someone was whispering in my ear. So I asked ~ Who Are You? And I heard...
I am the one hidden in the roots, curled around the crevices of earth and wood, sleeping neatly in the spaces in between.
I am the one you laugh with and cry with. The one who holds your hand and covers your eyes to the world hidden beneath the surface.
I am the one that sits and valiantly protects the soft broken places, filling the holes with warm rain mud so the mending can begin.
I am the one gifted with wings to fly away and touch the night of dreams. Connecting our worlds of seen and unseen.
I am the one who came here with you, from birth through growth to death and decay.
and I am the one who remains.
It flowed so quickly and once it was recorded on paper the presence that I had felt whispering over my shoulder said good night. And I am the one who remains...
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Attachment
In the last month of so, I have been learning a lot about attachments. Attachments to things, people, and expected outcomes of events. We all have attachments. I think its part of the human experience. In my world I see it as part of the lesson of earth school, how to practice loving detachment.
Even though this is not always a comfortable lesson, I have been fortunate to be learning this gently... Here's an example of what I mean: I ask for what I want, someone can or cannot respond the way "I want them to", I get disappointed, make excuses of why it should be the way I want it to be, they get frustrated with not being able to give me what I want, and blah blah blah so on and so forth... Now if I had already learned the lesson of loving detachment this event would have been much easier and would have looked more like this: I ask for what I want, the other person responds with "no that won't work for me", I then get to ask the question of "what will work" ~ again remembering the detachment piece ~ and we get to have conversation that makes the situation win win for both parties... Much gentler, right?! It might sound the same on paper, but the energy internally is very different. With the first interaction the heart races, the voices raise, feelings are hurt (you hurt me, blah blah blah), and no one is happy. The second way the heart may still race, but the energy remains grounded, no victim energy displayed, and everyone gets to imagine and create the event that works for them.
Maybe I think too much or over-analyze things (which has been the opinion of me in other relationships in my life), but for me its about figuring out where I am in relation to where I was, and where I am heading in relation to where I am in this given moment. Sounds simple in my head! But the internal landscape for me is always easier than the external one. I navigate well the "scapes" I know, while having to navigate other's "scapes" is always a delicate matter.
So, although I ramble on, it all comes back to attachment. Choose them, release them, move them about, and know that in the end its all an illusion anyway and at some point when its all over we will look backwards in time and get a good chuckle!!
Even though this is not always a comfortable lesson, I have been fortunate to be learning this gently... Here's an example of what I mean: I ask for what I want, someone can or cannot respond the way "I want them to", I get disappointed, make excuses of why it should be the way I want it to be, they get frustrated with not being able to give me what I want, and blah blah blah so on and so forth... Now if I had already learned the lesson of loving detachment this event would have been much easier and would have looked more like this: I ask for what I want, the other person responds with "no that won't work for me", I then get to ask the question of "what will work" ~ again remembering the detachment piece ~ and we get to have conversation that makes the situation win win for both parties... Much gentler, right?! It might sound the same on paper, but the energy internally is very different. With the first interaction the heart races, the voices raise, feelings are hurt (you hurt me, blah blah blah), and no one is happy. The second way the heart may still race, but the energy remains grounded, no victim energy displayed, and everyone gets to imagine and create the event that works for them.
Maybe I think too much or over-analyze things (which has been the opinion of me in other relationships in my life), but for me its about figuring out where I am in relation to where I was, and where I am heading in relation to where I am in this given moment. Sounds simple in my head! But the internal landscape for me is always easier than the external one. I navigate well the "scapes" I know, while having to navigate other's "scapes" is always a delicate matter.
So, although I ramble on, it all comes back to attachment. Choose them, release them, move them about, and know that in the end its all an illusion anyway and at some point when its all over we will look backwards in time and get a good chuckle!!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Light and Dark
Been learning a lot about light and dark, yin and yang, and how everything is "something in relation to something else". This framework can be seen in many ways throughout our life here on this planet... AND we can't have one without the other.
So I post this photo to remind myself (and my blogging buds) about this concept. Light and Dark... No one is all light or all dark. We are a glorious combination of both, and we can choose either or in any situation. That's the gift of free will and life experience...
Until next time ~ Janet
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A little chaos please..
Hello my bloggers... Been quite awhile since last I wrote... Life has been, shall we say, interesting... Growing pains all around in my little world. My partners 11 year old son has started middle school (aarghhh), my partner graduated massage school and got his license, and I have been completing my reflexology certification and trainings in abdominal meridian massage. Along with these events that felt so big (some exciting, some not so) I was still working and sharing the gift of massage and alternative healing work with clients, family and friends....
With all these changes life had become stressful. Spending way too much time doing things that needed to be done, and not enough time just being. My experience was that all the "doings" were creating disconnects for each of us. And when we are not connected in a spiritual energetic way the chaos of life can feel to me like holding onto a "live" wire and not being able to let go. Can you imagine how that would look??? Like one of those cartoons where someone picks up the fire hose and it wildly thrashes about and bangs into things until the water is turned off...
Well that's exactly how I had been feeling. BUT, I am one of the fortunate ones... I have many tools in my bag that I can use to "come back home" internally. To feel grounded in the midst of chaos. And all I keep hearing is "as the world changes, and energy shifts, most people will be going through some kind of chaos." So this little "bump in the road" was a gift ~ A way to experience the shifting and chaos personally so that I am able to support those around me in a loving way when they experience it... So bring it on Universe, but please remember I like my lessons with chocolate!
With all these changes life had become stressful. Spending way too much time doing things that needed to be done, and not enough time just being. My experience was that all the "doings" were creating disconnects for each of us. And when we are not connected in a spiritual energetic way the chaos of life can feel to me like holding onto a "live" wire and not being able to let go. Can you imagine how that would look??? Like one of those cartoons where someone picks up the fire hose and it wildly thrashes about and bangs into things until the water is turned off...
Well that's exactly how I had been feeling. BUT, I am one of the fortunate ones... I have many tools in my bag that I can use to "come back home" internally. To feel grounded in the midst of chaos. And all I keep hearing is "as the world changes, and energy shifts, most people will be going through some kind of chaos." So this little "bump in the road" was a gift ~ A way to experience the shifting and chaos personally so that I am able to support those around me in a loving way when they experience it... So bring it on Universe, but please remember I like my lessons with chocolate!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Missy Maloney, my first lost love
Today I had a very interesting experience with memory...
This morning Jim got the tractor stuck at the edge of the pond. Someone needed to sit on the tractor while the jeep pulled it out and since I was not comfortable pulling it out, I took the job of sitting on the tractor. As I was sitting on it as I took my foot off the brake to allow it to be pulled backwards it slipped a little forward first. Of course Jim had it all under control and seconds later the tractor was pulled away from the edge of the pond and I was safely off of it. But in that split second where it was slipping a memory slipped in, not just into my mind, but into my body.
The memory was of my best friend, my first love, who died at age 16. Her car went off a bridge and she drowned. Here's the part that was interesting. I had moved away a year before that and we had drifted apart ~ ya' know how it goes. You call alot at first then there are a few visits but then it stops. It stopped because our last visit I was very angry. I was angry because she had moved on with her life and was happy and I had been moved and was not happy. 6 months later she was gone. I didn't go to her funeral. I didn't even cry. I stuffed it...
Today all the emotions that were stuffed came back. It hit me blindsided. I didn't realize I had been holding so much anger and guilt. Anger that she left me (died) and I never got to say sorry. Guilt because I was angry at her for leaving. Lots of feelings that I was not even aware that I was holding.
So, the question I have is this... How many things happen to us on our journey here on this earth that we stuff that later comes out (when the just the right button is pushed) in yucky spewingness (I know, I know, not a word ~ but you know exactly what I am saying). And then the next question is how do we remember this lesson so that when someone else is feeling something that is painful so that we can hold the space of lovingkindness. That's the test. Holding the space of lovingkindness through the "stuff" that is being released, even when we are not aware that we are releasing stuff...
To end this post I say Thank You to my friend Missy Maloney who taught me about love and friendship and death and pain. She will never be forgotten in my heart.
This morning Jim got the tractor stuck at the edge of the pond. Someone needed to sit on the tractor while the jeep pulled it out and since I was not comfortable pulling it out, I took the job of sitting on the tractor. As I was sitting on it as I took my foot off the brake to allow it to be pulled backwards it slipped a little forward first. Of course Jim had it all under control and seconds later the tractor was pulled away from the edge of the pond and I was safely off of it. But in that split second where it was slipping a memory slipped in, not just into my mind, but into my body.
The memory was of my best friend, my first love, who died at age 16. Her car went off a bridge and she drowned. Here's the part that was interesting. I had moved away a year before that and we had drifted apart ~ ya' know how it goes. You call alot at first then there are a few visits but then it stops. It stopped because our last visit I was very angry. I was angry because she had moved on with her life and was happy and I had been moved and was not happy. 6 months later she was gone. I didn't go to her funeral. I didn't even cry. I stuffed it...
Today all the emotions that were stuffed came back. It hit me blindsided. I didn't realize I had been holding so much anger and guilt. Anger that she left me (died) and I never got to say sorry. Guilt because I was angry at her for leaving. Lots of feelings that I was not even aware that I was holding.
So, the question I have is this... How many things happen to us on our journey here on this earth that we stuff that later comes out (when the just the right button is pushed) in yucky spewingness (I know, I know, not a word ~ but you know exactly what I am saying). And then the next question is how do we remember this lesson so that when someone else is feeling something that is painful so that we can hold the space of lovingkindness. That's the test. Holding the space of lovingkindness through the "stuff" that is being released, even when we are not aware that we are releasing stuff...
To end this post I say Thank You to my friend Missy Maloney who taught me about love and friendship and death and pain. She will never be forgotten in my heart.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Shamonic Journey with Elizabeth
She appears as the drum beat begins
the body's syncopation
Eager heart question not
As the eagle sits
on her unharmed arm
Take flight, receive, imagine, believe
Guidance whispered kindly "Stand Firm"
Whipping wind washing
memories of want
as the talons sink deep
into un-pained flesh
Stand firm
Stand firm
Stand firm
the body's syncopation
Eager heart question not
As the eagle sits
on her unharmed arm
Take flight, receive, imagine, believe
Guidance whispered kindly "Stand Firm"
Whipping wind washing
memories of want
as the talons sink deep
into un-pained flesh
Stand firm
Stand firm
Stand firm
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