Psychics, public events or private readings?

Today I went to a fund raiser that had a psychic as the "main attraction". It was an open forum, so the psychic reads different audience members and if he can get to everyone, he does. Today was a full house. The psychic looked right at me and my friend as he began, but then began with someone else. Every time he came to me (and my friend), he looked away. When it was time to ask questions he finally looked at me and my friend (who also has big energy), and went to her first, then came to me. He stumbled a bit with both of us, answered our questions very vaguely, and then very shortly afterwards said he was exhausted and done. This has happened to me on three or four occasions when I have attended events like this. I wonder if I just have way too many folks standing around me and it is overwhelming, or if because my life is so full and there is always awesome big stuff coming my way and they don't want to say it out loud in a public forum? Good thing I don't take things personally, eh?? Think its time to schedule a private session...

One of the things I love to do is write. Stories, poems, stream of consciousness"... And because I love to write, I belong to 3 different writing "groups". Each one uses "prompts" to get the creative juices flowing. The most recent, Avacado Sisterhood prompt was to write about a first. I thought "A first kiss", but figured that is too personal. Then I thought, "my first pet", but being who I am that would have been Mitchell mouse and there's only so much you can say about a mouse. Then, like a lightning bolt from heaven, this story came back to me like a big hit on the head... So here it is... My first... “I LIED” She dared me. And the necklace called to me. Every time we went into Wassermans, it sparkled at me from the counter. The breeze of customers passing by caused that sparkly necklace to dance. And I wanted it to be mine. I talked about it to her while swinging at recess. The necklace which had my name on it was even calling me during recess. Janet. Sparkly Janet. Again she dared me. Take it she said. They won’t even miss it. Its got YOUR name on it. It should be YOURS. She was right. It should be mine. And so it came to be that she and I rode our bikes to Wassermans 5 and dime, and as I casually walked by she distracted old Mrs. Wasserman. I grabbed MY necklace and confidently walked slowly out of the store, just like we practiced... I was so proud. I had done it. I WAS brave. We recounted our escapade all the way home, the prize displayed around my neck, tapping my throat upon each bump in the sidewalk. Hooting and cheering filled my head. I had passed the test. I was “in”. But that night the hooting and cheering seemed to be more like jearing and accusing. I couldn’t sleep. My blood was like ice in my veins, while my skin was hot and sweaty. The next morning my Mother noticed my necklace. She asked me where I got it. I LIED.
 “I found it on the playground” I boldly said. “How lucky for you, and it even had your name on it” was all she said. She knew. I knew she knew. But she let it go and off to school I went. My stomach hurt all day. A hurt like you want to throw up, but don’t. Tears were close to overflowing. All eyes and whispers seemed to be surrounding me. I knew what I had to do. Confess. And so I did. And my clever Mother never screamed. instead, she asked me how I would feel it someone took something from me, she made me call the Wassermans and confess again. I didn’t end up staying in the “in” group. I wasn’t allowed to go to Wassermans unattended by an adult. And I wasn’t allowed to ride my bike for a month. But my stomach stopped hurting, my smile returned and my Mom and Dad never brought it up again.

MY four legged child

Today as I sit here typing (with little sleep from the night before) I am feeling so strongly the connection between me and

my amazing canine Brutus. He came to me when I really needed his support. He taught me, through his very stubborn, head strong, personality, how to be firm without hurtful, how to be clear with my requests, and how to follow through when his behavior was not acceptable to me. What a gift and great friend he is. I have had three great canine's before him (Missy, Cleo, and Emily) but he has felt more like a human friend than any other. He has been my constant companion. He listens WELL, and he loves my company, really really loves it! As he is aging (almost 8 now) he has been mellowing and recently he has had some health issues. Last night while comforting him and holding him through the night I was reminded of how I used to take care of my children when they were not feeling well (physically or emotionally). Such a long night. My heart aching as he winced when attempting to get comfortable and readjust himself. I didn't even mind that he took all the covers... This is testing me. It is a challenge for me to witness him having a hard time getting up and down the stairs, and he is so large that I fear I will not be able to help him if he falls. This morning we tried some craniosacral work. He seemed to enjoy it and the lump on his spine seemed (to me) to get smaller. My own wishes? Perhaps, but he had more energy and seemed in less pain. He is loving the massage on the joints! He is loving the warm bed with all my covers scrunched around him like a nest. He is even loving the cats who are laying very close. They seem to be really worried about him, coming up and smelling his feet, and back. I can only wonder what they all talk about when I'm not here... Anyway, these are my ramblings for today. Thanks for listening. Hug your loves ALOT!!! Janet

Mothers Surprise

A week ago a joined a writing group called “write your memoirs”. Our first exercise was to write about “In the Kitchen”. I was surprised at what came up for me. It was a memory I had of listening to my Mom and her friends chat over coffee in the kitchen. So, over this week I’ve had the idea of “In the kitchen” on my mind. I had a memory of my Grandmother Marey and breakfast with her, and how she was “granola” before being “granola” was groovy! And this morning I thought about Mother’s surprise. That’s what my Mom called it. And I always knew when it was coming. But let me set the scene for you... My parents were not “poor”, but our family was not rolling in it either. We were I’d say typical middle class. As a child I don’t remember my parents talking about money except when it came to food. My Mom would talk about “cooking on a dime” and “making meals stretch to save money”, and I remember how proud she was that she could provide us with yummy, creative and nutritious meals “on a budget”. And she did just that! So, back to Mother’s surprise.,,, Mothers surprise was kind of like scalloped potatoes and ham, but it was with left over pork roast, sliced onions, cream of mushroom soup, land-o-lakes yellow american cheese and chopped up left over pork roast... and it always followed the dinner of pork roast, baked potatoes, veggies and salad. So I always knew when it was coming, and I really looked forward to it! She would slice the left over baked potatoes, onions, and roast, then layer it in a casserole dish and add the soup and cheese sauce, then another layer and another. Then she would bake it, 350 degrees for 45 minutes (I know this because my Mom would prepare it in the morning and who ever’s turn it was to do dinner would have to pop it in the over following the instructions left on the kitchen table). The reason I was thinking of it was because last night I made it, with a bit of a variation. I had no potatoes... Could mothers surprise be made without potatoes? Absolutely. I used rice instead (I got a bit of my Mom’s creative cooking gene for sure). And my husband and son LOVED it! And so did I! Yup Mother’s surprise, following pork roast dinner the night before. Carrying on the family tradition of cooking on a dime, providing fun nutritious food on a budget and happy campers at the dinner table!! Enjoy your time in the kitchen folks! Its where memory’s are made for sure!!

Ego and Energy

Go Inward. Ego. Spirit. Self. Self Worth. Conscious. Unconscious. These are all words that are being used by many who are searching for enlightenment. Their own and the worlds. So when I hear these words used it often times makes me wonder. What exactly IS conscious and unconscious? Where exactly IS the Center. AND..Why EXACTLY do many of the "experts" keep directing "us" to let go of our ego. I personally LIKE my ego. My ego, who I think I am and what I connect to my name, my life, my external world, is absolutely necessary to walk on this earth. To BE HERE. So, WHY is it a bad thing to be connected to?? In the Blog CREDO, by Alice O Howell she writes "Jung likened the psyche to a mandala, a circle, and every circle has a center and a circumference. • Every circle can be made bigger or smaller. • The center generates the circle. • That center is the SELF; it is a hole in the wheel through which Spirit shines and gives us life". AND if the psyche is a mandala (as Jung says) then the outside of the circle would be my ego. The place that meets the world in my physical form. It is my skin that keeps my body wrapped up. It is the way I present myself to the world. It is me. Every part of me. But it is the ME that is external. AND it is VERY necessary. Let me say that again. MY EGO IS VERY NECESSARY! (I know that goes against many many "gurus" of the times,not intended to offend) So if my ego is the outside of the circle, than my heart is on the inside, as is my brain, all of my organs, my muscles, my ligaments and tendons, and even my fat. And the only thing that is on the INSIDE and the OUTSIDE is my energy. So when I connect to my energy through: touch, thoughts, meditations, meridians, chakras, magnetic unruffling of my aura, prayers, music, sharing of my heart, open conversations, breathing, being in nature, loving my pets, being kind to those around me and to myself, paying attention to how I feel, paying more attention to how I feel, and so on and on... than I am going inward. I have access to my EGO (my external world) and my ENERGY/SPIRIT/QI (my internal world). And for me, that's what a balanced life is all about. With love, Janet

Fertilizer and flowers

Most folks would say I am pretty positive. And I would say that too. I would say that I can usually see the good, and recognize the suffering of others and have compassion and empathy. Most folks have never experienced my "non positive" side, because I often process on my own, quietly, with respect for those around me, so that they don't have to experience the "pissiness" of me while I am figuring my own stuff out... I call that process "Being fertilized". So recently I posted two rather direct, non positive, non compassionate posts on my facebook wall. And one good friend privately contacted me to share their feelings and share how my post made them feel not so good. And I really appreciate that feedback. The conversation about having compassion for others while they are struggling, and sometimes others suffering is not a choice, made me think... about things that have been out of my control for the past 6 months. Of course I believed that "controlling" my feelings and keeping the part of my self that was experiencing fertilization was a good thing, I have recently come to see (thanks for the wasps who crawled up my pants) that keeping my feelings controlled has not been good for ME... So yesterday out of anger and frustration I posted "If your life sucks change it... The end" (which I have taken down) and it hurt some of my friends who are struggling with the fertilization process also. And it made me realize that what is happening is happening for a reason, and yes it is sucky for me financially. And it is sucky for some of my clients as I had been previously been able to offer free cancer massage and did other volunteer services in the community and due to anothers life choices I am not able to do that... So I sat with this. And I asked myself, can I still volunteer? Do I really believe that the Universe will step in and

take care of the expenses that I will be unable to pay if I do less paying massage? I already do trade for some food and other life necesitities, but the fact is taxes need to be paid, banks are not interested in trading for my car loan, Geico could care less if I don't pay because they will just push a button and end my insurance, and growing kids need to have clothes and shoes that fit them... AND What's the worst thing that could happen if I just stopped believing that this other persons life choices are affecting me. So I decided to look at the past few months of this "out of my control" life situation and change it. I decided to think about it as a fertilization process. I thought about that word. And in my thinking I was paying attention to the beautiful flowers that surround me on a daily basis. And I decided its okay for me to feel anger about this. Its okay with me to not be happy with this person. And its okay for me to express it so that it doesn't get stuck inside me... AND it just means that with this process, while I am in the depths of sh*tty feelings, my roots are being strengthened. AND soon, sweet fruit and a more vibrant beautiful flower of myself will emerge. My hope is that the 90% of my positivity will out weigh the 10% of my fertilizer that may occasionally seep out in the form of hurtful words or facebook posts. The End... (for now)...

I bow to you

I started out my 50th year with a movie called Dear John. My daughter and her love recommended it. They did tell me I would probably cry. And it was intense. They were not lying. So I did cry, and it was intense, and it evoked many many thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it takes something outside ourselves to make us pause, turn around, and look inward. This movie was that something. (along with the fact that I turned 50 today!). I turned the crying into deep breathing and started thinking about the hero in this movie. How he, even though hurting, used his resources for the good of another. And how his love, even though she was deeply deeply in love with him, married another for the good of his autistic child. And how both of these people seemed to really KNOW one another. How they remained connected through the years and although not closely in the physical sense, closely in the heart. Then I thought about how many people I feel so close to in my heart. And yet due to life circumstances we do not connect in the physical world. I thought about my past loves, and what each one taught me. I thought about my youth and how I (like all the others I knew at the time) tried on different faces and different loves to figure out which direction I would take. How I tried on different belief systems to see what felt the best to me. And how I made excuses for my choices, as if bargaining with the Universe, so I could feel I did “the right thing”... And then I fast forwarded to now. And how lately I feel even more deeply. Its a deep that I cannot articulate, but it wells up inside me often, and I am in awe of this energy that moves inside me, within and around me, and within and around all of us... As I was working yesterday a song came on (from the CD Grace) called “oh my beloved” and I began to cry (thankfully my client was face down on the table and didn’t witness this sappy side of self). Its been over the past ten years or so that I have “come home”. Until then I didn’t know I could love so deeply, or be loved so deeply. I didn’t know I could actually put down all walls and receive fully from another. I didn’t know I could have such compassion without attachment for another’s suffering, I didn’t know just how sweet ~ like REALLY REALLY SWEET life is... for ALL of us! OR DID I?? So I leave you with these words that are not mine, but I am holding them in my heart, my cells, my breath always. Much love and gratitude to all who I have known and loved, to all who I have known and at the time felt unlove towards, to all those whom I have not yet had the pleasure of knowing, I bow to you! ~ Janet Oh my beloved Kindness of the heart Breath of life I bow to you And I'm coming home, And I'm coming home And I'm coming home, And I'm coming home Oh my beloved Kindness of the heart Breath of life, I bow to you Divine Teacher Beloved Friend I bow to you Again and again! Lotus sitting on the water (Guru dev guru dev namo) Beyond time and space (Guru dev guru dev namo) This is your way (Guru dev guru dev namo) This is your grace (Guru dev guru dev namo) Ong namo guru dev namo Ong namo) This is your way Guru dev namo This is your way..