Unscrewed

Isn't self reflection interesting? Amazing how when you pay attention to the body, self reflection is just the next "logical" step... So, if you have been following my blog for a few years you are aware that about 2 1/2 years ago a relationship that I invested time, lots of money, and heart into ended abruptly (in my eyes) and not in a pretty way. Shortly afterwards, I broke my ankle (trimalleolar fracture with dislocation, with so much swelling they couldn't do surgery for almost a month. This landed me on the couch and out of work for about 3 months. I had lots of ugly feelings to work through, and if you know the metaphysical work of Louise Hays ankle, accidents, and swelling represent the ability to receive pleasure, inability to speak up for the self, anger, and clogged painful thinking. All three applied to me at that point. The gift was that I had 3 months to do nothing except breathe, pray, read, examine my own feelings, and watch the world go by (summer to fall, which was gorgeous!). I was so grateful for the time to process as I was very angry. I felt betrayed, I felt like a "fool" for trusting, and I had invested all my money in anothers' education and home that I had absolutely nothing to live on. Once again the Universe supplied. I had clients purchase gift certificates to be used when I was healed, I received medicaid which covered the cost of surgery, and I had a very understanding landlord who allowed me to run a tab to be paid in the future. Folks brought me food (and what a beautiful selection!), and the young man next door (who I have grown to think of as a son) took my dogs out and brought me dog food. I was in awe of the generosity and support of my community. That in itself was a huge gift. Anyway, recently my ex has come up in a number of conversations, folks wondering about what I think of him, would I recommend him, etc. Then on fb his picture appeared on a friends wall and I was shocked at my response (internal). I was furious that he looked happy. This surprised me as I thought I had really processed the whole thing two years earlier. Then, last week two of the screws in my ankle began working their way out so I went to see the doctor and yes indeed they needed to be removed. Wow, was that ever my body talking to me or what. Amazing the correlation between my thoughts and my physical body. And my body was telling me it was time to really let go of the "screws". It was telling me I am ready. I don't need that energy... So this morning I did some "work" wishing him well. Praying that his family is filled with abundance, that his estranged relationship with his children is healed, that his heart is whole and that whatever our karma was is now fulfilled. I only share this because I know we all have those "ouchy" places in ourselves. All humans if they live on this earth have been disappointed, lied to, hurt, abandoned, used, and kicked around. AND the only way to heal those wounds is to EXAMINE YOUR OWN HEART, YOUR OWN INTERNAL LANDSCAPE, AND OWN SOME KIND OF SPIRITUAL PRACTICE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO LET GO AND LOVE AGAIN. Its not easy, its not always pretty what we see inside ourselves, and it can take time (like 2 years...), but it is surely worth it. I now feel released. I feel ready to not only be "unscrewed" in my head and heart, but in my body too!! Once again, thanks be to the Universe and the amazing life experience that has been my most wonderful teacher! Namaste y'all!!