Unscrewed

Isn't self reflection interesting? Amazing how when you pay attention to the body, self reflection is just the next "logical" step... So, if you have been following my blog for a few years you are aware that about 2 1/2 years ago a relationship that I invested time, lots of money, and heart into ended abruptly (in my eyes) and not in a pretty way. Shortly afterwards, I broke my ankle (trimalleolar fracture with dislocation, with so much swelling they couldn't do surgery for almost a month. This landed me on the couch and out of work for about 3 months. I had lots of ugly feelings to work through, and if you know the metaphysical work of Louise Hays ankle, accidents, and swelling represent the ability to receive pleasure, inability to speak up for the self, anger, and clogged painful thinking. All three applied to me at that point. The gift was that I had 3 months to do nothing except breathe, pray, read, examine my own feelings, and watch the world go by (summer to fall, which was gorgeous!). I was so grateful for the time to process as I was very angry. I felt betrayed, I felt like a "fool" for trusting, and I had invested all my money in anothers' education and home that I had absolutely nothing to live on. Once again the Universe supplied. I had clients purchase gift certificates to be used when I was healed, I received medicaid which covered the cost of surgery, and I had a very understanding landlord who allowed me to run a tab to be paid in the future. Folks brought me food (and what a beautiful selection!), and the young man next door (who I have grown to think of as a son) took my dogs out and brought me dog food. I was in awe of the generosity and support of my community. That in itself was a huge gift. Anyway, recently my ex has come up in a number of conversations, folks wondering about what I think of him, would I recommend him, etc. Then on fb his picture appeared on a friends wall and I was shocked at my response (internal). I was furious that he looked happy. This surprised me as I thought I had really processed the whole thing two years earlier. Then, last week two of the screws in my ankle began working their way out so I went to see the doctor and yes indeed they needed to be removed. Wow, was that ever my body talking to me or what. Amazing the correlation between my thoughts and my physical body. And my body was telling me it was time to really let go of the "screws". It was telling me I am ready. I don't need that energy... So this morning I did some "work" wishing him well. Praying that his family is filled with abundance, that his estranged relationship with his children is healed, that his heart is whole and that whatever our karma was is now fulfilled. I only share this because I know we all have those "ouchy" places in ourselves. All humans if they live on this earth have been disappointed, lied to, hurt, abandoned, used, and kicked around. AND the only way to heal those wounds is to EXAMINE YOUR OWN HEART, YOUR OWN INTERNAL LANDSCAPE, AND OWN SOME KIND OF SPIRITUAL PRACTICE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO LET GO AND LOVE AGAIN. Its not easy, its not always pretty what we see inside ourselves, and it can take time (like 2 years...), but it is surely worth it. I now feel released. I feel ready to not only be "unscrewed" in my head and heart, but in my body too!! Once again, thanks be to the Universe and the amazing life experience that has been my most wonderful teacher! Namaste y'all!!

Language

Did you ever wonder about language? I do. This mornings wonderings were: How fascinating that there are only 26 letters in the alphabet, yet there are millions, even trillions of words. And those words combined in different ways create sentences and how many sentences create a book and how many books are there just in your own house? Lets take the letter W. How many words just off the top of you head can you come up with that begin with W? Here are a few that came to me as I pondered this morning. Winter Whisper Wallow Wind Whimsical Wonder Why What When Who Waft Wish Wedding Wane Wax Whore Whole West Without White Well Washed Whimper Whisker Wonderlust Ok, ok, you get the idea. Now, how many sentences can you put together from these words? A few? Lots? Hundreds? And how many of those words when you say them, or hear them, or see them, trigger an emotional response? How many are you attached to meaning one thing or another? Lots of them, right? Then if you think about that, maybe someone else might have a different emotional attachment so when you speak them them hear something totally different because they don't actually hear the word you are saying they "hear" in their body the emotional response they have to the word. Could this be why communication can often be challenging, especially if you are not aware of who you might be speaking to. And what their experience with the word might be... So, now that you have had a little "peak" into the morning wonderings of my oh so fascinating thoughts, I say ... Go in peace, and serve the words...

Owl Medicine

Sometimes the Universe just completely surprises me. Since my move and marriage Fred and I have been spending time cleaning and de-cluttering so that our home is not his or mine, but OUR home. I have released, recycled, given away and surrendered lots and lots of things (furniture that was unnecessary, clothing that I haven't worn for a year, kitchen implements and nick nacks that held no real senitmental value). Doing this requires time and energy, which is probably why sometimes I resist (as do many others I'm sure). In a few of our most recent clean outs we went through our "spare" room. I always wonder why its called that. Probably because it is the collection space for things that you don't really need. Anyway, while cleaning the spare room Fred came upon an Owls Claw. When I held it and closed my eyes, my heart started racing, I felt dizzy, and I had the feeling I was flying. I had to open my eyes quickly to get my footing... So of course the Owls Claw stayed. Owl symbolizes the feminine and has been called "a cat with wings", which is very appropriate for me as I have inherited 5 cats in my union with my love. Owl also represents magic, omens, silent wisdom and vision in the night before I go to sleep at night I hold it and ask for guidance in the dream world. I ask my owl spirit for protection, for clear signs, and for memory of what will serve me when I wake up. I haven't "heard" her name yet, but I am sure she will reveal it to me in good time. For now I am satisfied holding the claw, making my intention for dreaming clear, and waiting. And of course I'm sure, the Universe will completely surprise me!

Clear headed new years!

Thoughts about New Years... This year I have learned a lot about "Addiction", and I learned there is still more to understand... Someone I love dearly has completed a lengthy "rehab" this year and their experience afforded me the opportunity to get really clear on what's mine and what's not. It helped me to understand that loving someone does not mean that you bail them out of problems they behaved themselves into. Loving someone with an addiction is surely one of the hardest lessons and also most freeing lessons I have had in a long time. When a loved one has an addiction (no matter what the substance or behavior is) they often times with "pull on the heart strings" of family and friends. They will want to be rescued. They will blame everyone (the whole world) for their addiction. They become not themselves. Its actually fascinating to be able to lovingly detach and witness the addiction. Its fascinating to me that ANYONE would choose this way of being in the world, but it does happen. And it takes a lot to release the need and desire for the addiction. AND it only happens when someone is ready. Not before... So, in order to support the person I love in their dance with addiction, we had an alcohol free New Years. And, it was lovely! WE laughed, we ate great food, we all worked together doing dishes, and we got to know each other a little bit more without the use of any mind altering substances... Happy Sober New Years Y'all!!

This morning as I was watching the news (which I VERY rarely do) I was listening as the anchorwoman was talking out the fiscal cliff. She shared that the government is bickering over tax breaks and that they want tax breaks for anyone making less than $250,000.00 a year. I thought, holy moly, $250,000.00 a year??? Then I ran through my memory of all the folks I know and I couldn't think of anyone who I know that makes more than that in a year. Then I thought "they" are making such a big deal about this that there must be lots of folks who make more, or they wouldn't be making such a fuss. Then I thought, "oh, it must be the government officials who make more, and that's why this is such a big deal". And then I thought how in the world can human kind survive when there are so many with so much and so many with so little. Then... I thought, its really easy, if those who have plenty and more so, helped those who did not then we wouldn't even need to be discussing this, because we would all have enough... Then... I thought "wait a minute Janet, if physical manifestation happens with thought than instead of wasting my time pondering what the government will or will not do, my brain would be better used to dream it how I wish it to be"... And so dear ones, I leave you with this thought (or feeling), dream. Dream about love. Dream about compassion. Dream about Grace. And most of all dream about the world of "have's" opening their hearts and realizing they can use their power for good rather than evil... Now my brain is tired and needs to spend some time in the snow... Happy almost New Year!!

What's in a name.

The reason I am changing my name... This comes from my friend Sharita Star who does numerology, astrology, and lexigrams. Fascinating and feels "right on" to me... Your original name, JANET CHRISTINA JACOBS is a 22 Vibration- the Master Number of 'Submission and Caution' Chaldean Karmic Mystery: 22 is symbolized by the ancients as “a Good Man, blinded by the folly of others, with a knapsack on his back, full of errors.” In the image he seems to offer no defense against a ferocious tiger which is about to attack him. It’s a warning number of illusion and delusion. It indicates a good person (or entity) who lives in a fool’s paradise; a dreamer of dreams who awakens only when surrounded by danger, when it’s often too late. It warns of mistakes in judgment, of placing faith in those who are not trustworthy. If 22 is present, the person it represents should exercise caution and watchfulness in both career and personal matters. The karmic obligation here is to be more alert, to curb “spiritual laziness,” and develop more spiritual aggressiveness- to realize your own power to change things, to prevent failure by simply ordaining success. When this personal responsibility is recognized, practiced, and finally mastered, the 22 person can be in control of events, no longer blinded by the folly of others, and will see ideas achieved and dreams realized. Any entity influenced by the 22 of any month needs to carefully understand their natural relationships with the numbers 4 and 8, and all of their vibration combinations. If you add KLOCK to this, you arrive at the 30, 'Loner- Meditation' Chaldean Karmic Mystery: This is a number of retrospection, thoughtful deduction, and mental superiority over others. However, it belongs completely to the mental plane, and those represented by it often put all material things to the side, not because they have to, but because they wish to do so. Consequently the compound number 30 is neither fortunate nor unfortunate, because it can be either, depending entirely upon the desire of the person (or entity) it represents. The vibration of the 30 can be all-powerful, but it is often indifferent, according to the will of the person. Those whose name equals 30, those born on the 30th day of any month, generally count few people as their friends. They tend to be taciturn loners, preferring to be alone with their own thoughts. Social functions and public gatherings are not their style. The Life path30’s will indulge in the experiences that life has to offer, but also desire to retreat from society as well when needed. 30 doesn’t deny happiness or success, but fulfillment is more often found in retreating from the chaos of the market place, so that one’s mental superiority may be used to develop something worthwhile to the world…to write ideas which may change the world… or to protect and develop one’s personal talents, such as art or other gifts. It indicates a lonely, yet frequently rewarding life pattern. For you.... if you drop the Christina and Jacobs and legally go with just JANET KLOCK: it is a pure alignment with your natal 15 karmic path, that of 'The Magician.' Chaldean Karmic Mystery to unlock in the Lifetime: 15 is a number of deep esoteric significance, the alchemy vibration through which all magic is manifested. It’s extremely lucky and carries the essence of enchantment with it. 15 is associated with “good talkers,” eloquence of speech, and the gifts of music, art, and the drama. It bestows upon the person or entity represented by it a dramatic temperament and strong personal magnetism; a curiously compelling charisma. The 15 vibration is especially fortunate for obtaining money, gifts and favors from others, because of its powerful appeal to the altruistic nature of people. If you have a 15 karmic path and your name is also of a 15 vibration, you’re blessed with the ability to bring great happiness to others and to shine much light into the darkness, assuming you don’t use this magical and fortunate vibration for selfish purposes. Janet C. Klock: 18 'Spiritual -Material Conflict' NO Janet J. Klock: 16 'The Shattered Citadel' NO Both names, JACOBS and KLOCK arrive at the very same 17/8 Spiritual Expression- That of 'The Star of the Magi' which when switching the name, will not conflict with your energy very much due to the fact you already have been living by this 17/8 channel your entire life. So if you even went with JANET CHRISTINA KLOCK and dropped the Jacobs, this would be back at the 22. However, I think, very strongly, the JANET KLOCK is really nice for you- and the combination here of the 15 KP and Name Expression would really rock you and the world!

Changes happening

"The change was slow. So slow that if you weren’t taking notice you might miss it. The shift in thoughts, habits dropped like a heavy winter coat, small movements forward. Seeds planted, new life peeking out from under the earth. The earth that is usually frozen at this time of the year. Newness alive, vibrating slowly from within. So slowly, that if you weren’t taking notice you might just miss it." I wrote that "poem" because its how I am feeling lately. Like if I don't pay attention I'm going to miss it. What ever the "it" is... And how do I pay attention, you might ask. I sit. I breathe. I am present in conversations, listening without the need to respond. I walk outside. I don't over work myself. I set good healthy boundaries for work and play. I feel. And then I feel some more. I remind myself that I have no idea what is right for anyone else. I don't pretend to be wise. I practice kindness. I take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. And I have learned to not take things so seriously. I laugh ALOT! So as we pay attention, we change. And as our world is shifting energetically, we change. And even if we hold onto what we think we know, we change. We can do it slowly or swiftly, and either way will be scary at first. But as we shift we become comfortable with our new place. We notice what we didn't need or want moving away from us and its not so painful. Its kind of nice even. May your changes be made with choice. May your changes be easy and effortless. May your changes be ... given to you with CHOCOLATE!! ~ Janet