Sure has been awhile... Things have been pretty busy here! Working on a new "healing offering" for clients, seeing clients regularly, being a partner, mother, daughter and friend, and letting the rest of life's "responsibilities" go...
With that said, I have been a bit lax on my housecleaning "duties" which are only duties in my own mind (as I'm sure most of you understand). So this morning I decided to take a 2 hour walk with one of my lovely friends instead of doing the dishes, folding the clothes, or making the beds...
And wouldn't you know it, we get company... And company that I am not always happy about because everytime this "company" shows up she spews yucky energy. I feel it, I see it emminating from her eyes and facial expressions and body language. So today when she walked through my house with her nose in the air and that "look" on her face of disgust I was at first angry... Then I thought to myself (bad word here) you, this is my house, and I CHOOSE to spend time with people who I love and who fill me with joy, rather than have a spotless house that takes up lots of time and with a 10 year old in the house just gets messy again... There, I said it. I don't clean my house as often as I was "taught" was appropriate and necessary. There, I let it go ~ Mom, I don't need this belief anymore. There, its done!
Ahhh, what a relief! Tata for now, gonna go... and not to clean my house!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Memories and dandelions
Memories, the need to know, why and for who? Me? Does it matter? That is my question today, does it really matter and will it change who I am right now... Will it influence my life positively? Will it help me discover parts of myself that are deeply buried or is it someone elses memory given to me?
I keep hearing the song from Hocus Pocus where Whinny (the eldest witch sister) is trying to recall a spell and her other sisters are singing/chanting to her "Remember, whinny, remember" and I substitute my name: "remember, Janet, remember"... Hummm, still it is not coming. The memory belongs to someone else. I don't even feel attached to it, no cellular memory what so ever of the event that has been revealed to me by another.
I see the world like this: We are all in our own universe that we create, like a bubble from a child's bubble machine, large enough to fit ourselves and all of our life experiences. And then I think of this memory and wonder if I don't have it because it is in someone elses bubble, and did I immerse myself in their bubble and then expell into another, and another, morphing into others universes until I don't have my own bubble per se...
Where is the energy of Janet, not my name but my being ME. Labels and names being put in a neat little box and then up on a shelf or being like a dandelion and having someone else hold it and blow~watching the seeds catch the wind and spread and scatter... pieces of me that I need to call home. Parts that need to come home, looked at, loved, and then melted into the me that is today. Yes, that feels right. Particles floating around the universe coming home to roost. And as I write this I hear the rooster reminding me its morning, another new day, another new beginning another awakening and another chance to be the best me I can be!
I keep hearing the song from Hocus Pocus where Whinny (the eldest witch sister) is trying to recall a spell and her other sisters are singing/chanting to her "Remember, whinny, remember" and I substitute my name: "remember, Janet, remember"... Hummm, still it is not coming. The memory belongs to someone else. I don't even feel attached to it, no cellular memory what so ever of the event that has been revealed to me by another.
I see the world like this: We are all in our own universe that we create, like a bubble from a child's bubble machine, large enough to fit ourselves and all of our life experiences. And then I think of this memory and wonder if I don't have it because it is in someone elses bubble, and did I immerse myself in their bubble and then expell into another, and another, morphing into others universes until I don't have my own bubble per se...
Where is the energy of Janet, not my name but my being ME. Labels and names being put in a neat little box and then up on a shelf or being like a dandelion and having someone else hold it and blow~watching the seeds catch the wind and spread and scatter... pieces of me that I need to call home. Parts that need to come home, looked at, loved, and then melted into the me that is today. Yes, that feels right. Particles floating around the universe coming home to roost. And as I write this I hear the rooster reminding me its morning, another new day, another new beginning another awakening and another chance to be the best me I can be!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Family and Aging
Family. What a beautiful word and idea... I have been fortunate, I have learned many many MANY lessons from my familial lineage, some things challenging, some things beautiful, all things that I called to myself to help me on my path!
This past week has been full of family. Time with my parents, time with my daughter at college and today time with my son and daughter-in-law. These beautiful human beings are all evolving and becoming and learning just as I am and it is such a gift to be part of the process...
The time with my parents was happy and sad because I know as they age (and they are aging ever so gracefully I might add!) they are nearing the end of their time on this planet in their earthly bodies. Of course they have not slowed down and this I am grateful for and learn from... they swim everyday, volunteer and are active socially in the retirement village that they chose to live in. They chose it because it has three "stages" of living available~independent, assisted living, and nursing care.
Mom and Dad told us kids that "they don't want to be a burden" to us, and they don't want us to "give up" our lives to care for them. Wow, I think to myself. I WANT my children to care for me at the end of my time on this planet. I want to share my thoughts and my wisdom on a daily basis. I want to be able to wake up in the middle of the night with an "aha" moment and share it with them. I want to be share memories with them about their childhood. I want to have them holding my hand if I get scared. And all of these things that I imagine for myself in "old age" I feel like I will be missing this with my parents.
I have chosen to honor their wishes and understand that everyone thinks differently, but I also sometimes feel sad that I will miss those moments of wisdom ~ and talking on the phone just is not the same as physically being connected ~ holding hands, rubbing their feet, etc... With this knowledge I made a commitment to myself: I will travel to see them at least every 6 weeks so that I CAN stay physically connected! I will bring my table and do bodywork, and touch them and love them and share my gifts with them, and they in turn can share their wisdom with me!
And so I rambled on but I leave you with this thought... We are ALL going to age. We are ALL going to have to make choices. We are ALL going to look back on our lives and make peace. And we are ALL going to move on. May you love the life you create and never look back with regret!
This past week has been full of family. Time with my parents, time with my daughter at college and today time with my son and daughter-in-law. These beautiful human beings are all evolving and becoming and learning just as I am and it is such a gift to be part of the process...
The time with my parents was happy and sad because I know as they age (and they are aging ever so gracefully I might add!) they are nearing the end of their time on this planet in their earthly bodies. Of course they have not slowed down and this I am grateful for and learn from... they swim everyday, volunteer and are active socially in the retirement village that they chose to live in. They chose it because it has three "stages" of living available~independent, assisted living, and nursing care.
Mom and Dad told us kids that "they don't want to be a burden" to us, and they don't want us to "give up" our lives to care for them. Wow, I think to myself. I WANT my children to care for me at the end of my time on this planet. I want to share my thoughts and my wisdom on a daily basis. I want to be able to wake up in the middle of the night with an "aha" moment and share it with them. I want to be share memories with them about their childhood. I want to have them holding my hand if I get scared. And all of these things that I imagine for myself in "old age" I feel like I will be missing this with my parents.
I have chosen to honor their wishes and understand that everyone thinks differently, but I also sometimes feel sad that I will miss those moments of wisdom ~ and talking on the phone just is not the same as physically being connected ~ holding hands, rubbing their feet, etc... With this knowledge I made a commitment to myself: I will travel to see them at least every 6 weeks so that I CAN stay physically connected! I will bring my table and do bodywork, and touch them and love them and share my gifts with them, and they in turn can share their wisdom with me!
And so I rambled on but I leave you with this thought... We are ALL going to age. We are ALL going to have to make choices. We are ALL going to look back on our lives and make peace. And we are ALL going to move on. May you love the life you create and never look back with regret!
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