Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Smiling Qi Gong, a pathway in

Today as I was practicing a very simple QiGong practice of smiling at myself I had the "brilliant" idea of sharing this with YOU, so that you might consider this practice also... This is a great way to start the day! It can help your focus be on the pathway into yourself. So my holiday gift to you is to share this practice, while in my minds eye seeing you filled with abundance and love! xo Janet To start, sit (or lay down) comfortably. Take the tip of your tongue in-between your two front teeth, then run it upwards until it meets the roof of your mouth. This allows your energy to flow through the internal energy pathways of your yin organs. Think about something, someone, or somewhere that makes you smile BIG. Now take that energy (that happy smiling energy) and begin... Feel the warmth of your emotions. Allow that memory to refresh you. To deeply calm you. To release any tension from your immediate circumstances prior to starting the smile. Now breathe until you feel that smile overflowing! Hold your attention at that smile smiling back at you until it washes over your entire person. From the third eye (between your eyebrows) breathe in, draw this energy down from the brow through your tongue and throat to your heart. Your amazing heart works everyday for you, sending blood and oxygen to every cell. Take this opportunity to thank your heart. Allow that smile (energy/Qi) to fill your heart until it overflows into the pericardium (the tissue that holds the heart, the heart protector) filled with joy. Think of the blood bubbling with happy! Feel each heart beat as a smile and a wink (ok ok, that's just what I do, you can do or feel whatever you want to as long as it is joy filled). Now with your minds eye see that joy overflowing from the heart and pericardium into the lungs. Feel your lungs expanding and taking in oxygen, sustaining you. Breath is our connection to spirit so taking this opportunity to say thank you to your breath and to your lungs for holding fresh clean energy of heaven for you. And when the smile energy is so full, allow it to overflow into the Liver. While smiling to your liver think about this... It is the largest organ you have. It has many functions, it cleans and harmonizes the outside world that you take in. Smile and love your liver! From the liver allow the energy to overflow into the kidneys, the organs that filter all your fluids. The energy of the kidneys (water) is our most yin, deepest internal energy we posses. The kidneys hold our essence. All that we are. So take extra special care to thank your kidneys and smile even bigger! When the energy of the kidneys is overflowing let it move to your spleen. The spleen is the yin organ of the earth element. Without Earth we are nothing. This energy is about abundance, nourishment, about feeling taken care of. Its a feeling of "all is well", and "I am always supported". So breath into your spleen (located just below your rib cage on the left, opposite the liver) and say thank you, I love you, you rock! When that spleen energy is overflowing see that energy (Qi) gathering at your navel. Now "wind" that energy into your navel. Bring it back to the beginning with the corners of your mouth and relax. Allow your mouth to become neutral. Then send it through your brown and tongue, then disconnect your tongue from the roof of your mouth. Then concentrate your energy into your hands. Place them over your navel. Seal the energy there. This is your center. This is where we hold our will power, and all our beliefs about ourselves. Feel this area warmed with your energy. Feel it overflowing into your hands. Now how do you feel? Can you think of a word, phrase, image or symbol to describe this feeling? Slowly open your eyes if they were closed, bring your attention to the room around you. Bringing your consciousness back out into the world, and try to keep the word, phrase, image or symbol in your thoughts today! It will automatically re-connect you to your internal smiling self!! Happy holidays my dear friends! Keep smiling~

Thursday, December 5, 2013


A few years ago I was in a relationship with a person who turned out to be not so honest with me. I learned from that relationship many lessons about how to say no, how to stand up for myself kindly, and how to feel the difference between words with action and empty words that might sound lovely, but have no substance. Anyway, this person I was in relationship with (we'll call them Jim) borrowed quite a bit of money from me under the pretense that we were building a business and a future. Once the money was paid, the building was done, the license earned, "Jim" told me that he was not interested in continuing the agreement and left me with no money in my savings, a few credit cards maxed out, and a hurt and angry heart. During the ending of the relationship I found out that "Jim" had done the same thing to another woman ten years earlier. She was a woman I knew, but who had never said anything to me about this legal battle she had been in for years to try to get back her money. She didn't share because she didn't want to "talk shit" about anyone. When I found this out I felt doubly dumb (which I got over quickly). I began my own legal proceedings to regain my money, and when I finally got half I let the rest go. And of course the Universe works miracles... And sometimes they take a little time BUT, long story short, the woman who was owed $30,000.00 for a loan taken out in her name years ago, finally got paid. And she got paid because (in passing) the Universe brought she and I together the day I received my check from "Jim" and I was on my way to the bank. And of course I was quite happy, so when we "bumped" into each other I shared. And she shared that the reason she couldn't get repaid was because "Jim" kept changing banks and by the time her lawyer would find out about a bank account for "Jim" he would close it and move his money (tricky devil indeed). So, I gave her a copy of my check. She took that copied check directly to her lawyer. Her lawyer froze "Jim's" accounts and finally she got paid. And I haven't seen her for a few years. And today, the Universe brought us together at the grocery store and she hugged me and thanked me and we cried happy tears. And for a brief moment I was really really happy that "Jim" had to pay. I was happy that he was suffering. And then I felt bad that I was happy he was suffering so I shared that with my husband Fred when I got home. And Fred said that actually I had ENDED years of suffering for "Jim" because he finally did the honorable thing (even if was because he was forced to). And now "Jim" can sleep easier knowing that the suffering he had caused was over. And I could be assured that I was not happy for "Jim's" suffering but elated at this other woman's final good fortune! Ah Universe you never cease to amaze me!

Monday, December 2, 2013

Doers and Deciders and QiGong

More than "doers" we are "deciders". This is the thought that always comes to me when I talk about doing/changing something. Sometimes I talk and talk and talk and then talk somemore... Lots of times I talk about a dietary change, or a schedule change, or a hairstyle change, or a friendship change, or a vacation change, or an exercise change, or a blah blah blah... And sometimes I actually make the change. And sometimes I don't. And sometimes I get really hard on myself for NOT making the change because I know how good it will be for me. And sometimes I really just don't care... BUT here is one change that I made this year and I am so glad that I DECIDED to do it. I talked about it for a year. I started and stopped it for a few months. Then one day I woke up and KNEW I was ready, I had actually decided... The change was... (drum roll please) to incorporate QiGong into my daily practice!! QiGong = Qi (energy/vitality/Life) + Gong (working/developing/cultivating). So QiGong (to me) means working with my energy to cultivate a long and happy life! There are many types of QiGong and people practice for many different reasons. For health, for strength, for control over their mind, for sexual vitality, for peace within, to release fear of life and death, for better performance as an athlete, martial arts, for spiritual development, to increase psychic abilities and tune their sensory apparatus to higher frequencies, etc. To learn about QiGong takes practice. Every day I recognize something new about myself and my energy. The coolest thing that has happened is that I am more aware of my body in space. I am aware of my energy when I walk, or sit, or play, or work, or cook, or hang out with my friends. And being aware of my energy (which has been a passion of mine for a very long time) helps me know how to hold onto my own energy (hangin onto my Qi). To recognize situations that are energy suckers, to know how to cultivate my own energy field by doing an exercise called the micro cosmic orbit which circulates the energy in my Governing and Conception vessels (the two extraordinary meridians that are "in charge of" all the yang and yin in my body) and by gathering my resources and then zipping up my Qi jacket each morning and really feeling myself. I am also recognizing that I am not as refreshed and relaxed at the end of the day if I don't do at least some QiGong in the morning. There are lots and lots of resources and lots and lots of people practicing and lots and lots of different exercises to fit lots and lots of different people. So my suggestion is to check it out on You Tube. Google QiGong exercises and see what comes up. Or give me a call and let me know you want to get together and practice together. Whatever works I hope you DECIDE to give it a try! Happy holidays and may THE FORCE be with you!!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

A feeling, a thought, a lump

I had this feeling. It was a strong feeling. It was in response to something someone chose to do which I had not one ounce of control over, yet was affected by the outcome of their choice in my daily life experience. That feeling became a thought. A BIG thought. A thought that ran amuck in my brain. And I tried to stuff if. I tried to think about it differently. I used words and sentences like "everything happens the way it is supposed to" and "So it is" and "wish it was different but its not" and on and on and on... That thought went wild. It took on a life of its own. And I, I tried like crazy to stuff it. To quiet the thought and the feeling. I got very busy. I worked a lot. I made excuses for the others behavior. I prayed. I did my daily practice of meditation and QiGong. I thought I was doing okay with it... Then the body took over. That poisonous thought was trapped in a mire of gook. It was wrapped up and tucked away. It became a bit of phlegm that kept tickling my throat. And when I finally admitted I was really angry, I REALLY felt it. I wanted to scream... But I didn't. Cause that just wouldn't be nice. And what good would it do anyway. So I stuffed it some more. And like the saying goes, its called unconscious for a reason, cause we don't know until we know. And the body wants us to know. And the body has no agenda, just holds the job of making sure we feel happy living inside of it. And the body speaks softly at first: Insomnia. Red dreams. Agitation. No patience. little aches and pains begin to appear without you doing one darn thing. And when it is not heard, guess what the body does. IT SCREAMS, and that feeling and thought that you worked so hard to stuff becomes hard. It becomes a hard lump. A lump in your throat that you just cant cough out. And the body says, will you pay attention now. Will you allow yourself to be angry. Will you look at it, write about it, laugh at it, have a temper tantrum, pray pray pray and image it being sent out to the sun to be healed, cleansed, harmonized and balanced? Will you spend more time turning inward. Will you grab the bull by the horns and say enough with that? Will you take more time and breathe? And in that moment, that underlying feeling and thought that you really thought you had worked through, becomes conscious. And you are now aware :) And with awareness the possibility of healing that lump in my throat becomes real. And the need to practice gentleness with myself becomes real. Because we really don't know until we know. No matter how smart we are, or evolved we believe ourselves to be, or how much we practice meditation and talk about loving unconditionally or chant or write or whatever it is we do to raise our vibration. We just don't know until we know, we can't see until we see, and no matter how much we try to make it different, life will show us when we are ready, So today I am aware. Today I am being gentle with myself. Today I am softening my heart. Softening the lump in my throat. Softening the feelings little by little, knowing that this too shall pass... or it won't... and I will be okay either way. Namaste y'all.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

light or when light broke in is the "prompt" of today's writing assignment. Such a huge topic. It encompasses everything. Thoughts about when light broke in to my life personally, from this mornings sunlight that snuck out from around the curtains to the life changing events that were so large I thought I would not be able to contain them. From the astonishing joy of a client who has no more pain, to the intense conversations between parents when their parenting styles clash. I also wonder what exactly light is, and I hear the phrase "don't put your light under a bushel, if you do you'll lose something kind of crucial" (I think that comes from a song in the musical Godspell). This makes me wonder about darkness... So if folks who write about very dark events, or sing about sadness and suffering are living their purpose by sharing darkness, then could dark also be light? Could it be light when the dark song or word sparks a memory for someone, touches someones heart, opens their humane-ness, reminds them of whats really important, opens the flood gates of tears so that their spirit can be cleansed. Could all those dark commercials from the ASPCA that show animals suffering actually be light, because the purpose of this darkness is to allow viewers the opportunity to open their hearts and wallets so that the suffering ends. Could dark be light? Could sadness and suffering be light? Could the arch angel who left heaven to hold the energy of hell so that dark and light could both exist actually be holy? Could those who harm us so that we can learn about compassion, grace and mercy actually be light? If words that come to me when I ponder light are goodness, purity, authentic, clear sightedness, divine, bright, love, higher power, consciousness, collective, beams, ray, sun, daytime, burning candle, then can I also include words like sadness and suffering, since they are the teachers of love? I often have the experience (while among others) of symbolically opening my "super human cape" to let a sliver of light shine out from my chest, my heart, my center. The wider I open the stronger the beacon. Sometimes I go out to a shopping mall or grocery store just for the soul purpose of opening my cape... And when I do this I see a change in people's eyes. Those who seemed to be the walking dead suddenly shed the cloak of darkness. They look at me. There is a spark of recognition, and we smile to each other. In that moment there is light. In that moment there is hope. In that moment there is the beginning of so many possibilities for both of us. And in the end I conclude that light brakes in always. In the moments. In the darkness. In the daytime. In a smile. In my joy. In your joy. In life. Love, Janet

Saturday, November 2, 2013


Things are shifting once again, and I feel a peeling away of another layer... Yesterday I saw the Enders Game. The message of the movie was about how fear destroys and love supports and creates (basically). As I sat in the theater I was speechless and paralyzed. I could feel all my cells shifting, like they were trying to align in a different way. I know this feeling. It happened when I saw Avatar (after witnessing that movie things shifted for me internally, and then externally...). The question that kept coming to me was how can we love another species (from the movie) when we can't even seem to love our own? I thought about the horrors of the news shows, the papers, the internet sensationalisms, healthcare, governmental shutdowns, poverty, war, children and women suffering, etc. These thoughts brought about fear. I could feel it. Then I turned my attention to my breath, and the hand I was holding of my love who sat patiently waiting for me to get up and move. And I softened. The tense feeling seemed to wash away and I was able to leave the theater, but the shift was still happening. We did not speak in the car on the way home. Neither one of us. Both lost in our own thoughts, our own experience... When we got home, we talked a little about what was happening, and we immediately grabbed our Bru dog and Toby cat and made our way to the woods. The woods, the place where everything makes sense. Where, no matter who you are, you are provided for. Where energies balance, and small magical creatures show themselves, and trees speak... Now I must regress so that you can get the full picture of this shift for me: As a little girl all I ever wanted to be was a mother. I knew this was my calling. My friends all had big dreams of being lawyers, doctors, nurses, teachers, actresses, writers, etc... But me, all I wanted to do was have children. It seemed to be in my bones (and wow is it in my chart)... So, as I always did, with much dismay and disappointment to my parents (at the time) who could only see the rational logical side of the situation, I got married and had my first child before I was 21. I so loved being a Mom, but it consumed me and I quickly learned that not paying attention to a husband makes for no more husband... I was alone. A young mother, with no education, and no money, no car, lots of lack as predicted by my parents... But I had my son. And I gathered my friends who helped with babysitting so I could work and support us. And I was in love with Momhood... The same thing happened 7 years later when I had my daughter. So much love in being a Mom, but not good choice of partnership, many lessons and truths learned and lots and lots of hard work to support the three of us. But again I was very happy in Momhood. Fast forward: I have recently been re-Mom'd... not by the physical act of childbirth, but by the marriage to a great man, who has a fabulous son. Our little threesome was surely not what I expected when we began. Custody was shared so my husband and I had family time and lots of our own time to explore our new relationship and dream about our future... This lasted but a short time. His son came to live with us full time and yup, wouldnt ya know it, shift happens again... This shift challenged all my beliefs about being a "good" Mom. My own criticisms of self reared her ugly head, as did pats on the back about what I accomplished with not a lot of help, my self sufficiency, my failures, my guilt of choices, my praises of look what Love can do, etc. All were being challenged. And for the past year I have gone back and forth with judgement of the other mother, with wanting to hold her accountable, with anger of what I have had to give up, with fear of having to live with a teenager full time with no financial help, and of course the big one, with judgement of myself for not being able to love unconditionally, which is my goal always. The good thing, it has made it absolutely necessary for me to be really committed to my spiritual practice. It has made it absolutely necessary for me to remember that causing another to suffer only brings more suffering for all of us. It has made it absolutely necessary for me to get really creative in finding time with my new husband. It has made it absolutely necessary for my own peace to carve our the time each day to be quiet and thankful and introspective. I have found myself saying "so it is" lots and lots. I have learned much about my own breathing patterns, when I am holding, when I can't take a deep breath, and what it truely feels like to really really breath. And of course the Universe continues to give me signs. Like this movie, like the upcoming event from my friend Ravi about forgiveness (of self and others), like the woods that just keep holding me through this all. Like the slow but steady healing of mother and son that continues to happen with the space we provide to both of them. And the always present love of my husband who doesn't think I'm batshit crazy, going back and forth with my feelings, until presently feeling more balanced with them and with the others whom I cannot (and do not want to) control... So, the questions I ask myself are: What is love really? It surely is not what I have been taught growing up, or what I've seen on TV. It is not keeping score, it is not tit for tat, it is not good or bad. It just is. And it can appear in the woods, in the softening of a judgement, it the birth of a child or a relationship or an idea... And, What really is a good mother. I think the answer is that we are all good mothers. We give birth, we suffer with the pain of this act, and with the pain and joys of our children's wins and losses (perse). We grow, we hang on, we let go, we make choices, we hope, we dream, we wish, we appreciate, and we sometimes really need to ask for help, with the physical act of parenting, and with the not so physical act of being gentle with ourselves in this process. Go see the movie. Question everything. Be still. Let go. and LOVE!

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Psychics, public events or private readings?

Today I went to a fund raiser that had a psychic as the "main attraction". It was an open forum, so the psychic reads different audience members and if he can get to everyone, he does. Today was a full house. The psychic looked right at me and my friend as he began, but then began with someone else. Every time he came to me (and my friend), he looked away. When it was time to ask questions he finally looked at me and my friend (who also has big energy), and went to her first, then came to me. He stumbled a bit with both of us, answered our questions very vaguely, and then very shortly afterwards said he was exhausted and done. This has happened to me on three or four occasions when I have attended events like this. I wonder if I just have way too many folks standing around me and it is overwhelming, or if because my life is so full and there is always awesome big stuff coming my way and they don't want to say it out loud in a public forum? Good thing I don't take things personally, eh?? Think its time to schedule a private session...

Sunday, October 6, 2013

One of the things I love to do is write. Stories, poems, stream of consciousness"... And because I love to write, I belong to 3 different writing "groups". Each one uses "prompts" to get the creative juices flowing. The most recent, Avacado Sisterhood prompt was to write about a first. I thought "A first kiss", but figured that is too personal. Then I thought, "my first pet", but being who I am that would have been Mitchell mouse and there's only so much you can say about a mouse. Then, like a lightning bolt from heaven, this story came back to me like a big hit on the head... So here it is... My first... “I LIED” She dared me. And the necklace called to me. Every time we went into Wassermans, it sparkled at me from the counter. The breeze of customers passing by caused that sparkly necklace to dance. And I wanted it to be mine. I talked about it to her while swinging at recess. The necklace which had my name on it was even calling me during recess. Janet. Sparkly Janet. Again she dared me. Take it she said. They won’t even miss it. Its got YOUR name on it. It should be YOURS. She was right. It should be mine. And so it came to be that she and I rode our bikes to Wassermans 5 and dime, and as I casually walked by she distracted old Mrs. Wasserman. I grabbed MY necklace and confidently walked slowly out of the store, just like we practiced... I was so proud. I had done it. I WAS brave. We recounted our escapade all the way home, the prize displayed around my neck, tapping my throat upon each bump in the sidewalk. Hooting and cheering filled my head. I had passed the test. I was “in”. But that night the hooting and cheering seemed to be more like jearing and accusing. I couldn’t sleep. My blood was like ice in my veins, while my skin was hot and sweaty. The next morning my Mother noticed my necklace. She asked me where I got it. I LIED.
 “I found it on the playground” I boldly said. “How lucky for you, and it even had your name on it” was all she said. She knew. I knew she knew. But she let it go and off to school I went. My stomach hurt all day. A hurt like you want to throw up, but don’t. Tears were close to overflowing. All eyes and whispers seemed to be surrounding me. I knew what I had to do. Confess. And so I did. And my clever Mother never screamed. instead, she asked me how I would feel it someone took something from me, she made me call the Wassermans and confess again. I didn’t end up staying in the “in” group. I wasn’t allowed to go to Wassermans unattended by an adult. And I wasn’t allowed to ride my bike for a month. But my stomach stopped hurting, my smile returned and my Mom and Dad never brought it up again.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

MY four legged child

Today as I sit here typing (with little sleep from the night before) I am feeling so strongly the connection between me and
my amazing canine Brutus. He came to me when I really needed his support. He taught me, through his very stubborn, head strong, personality, how to be firm without hurtful, how to be clear with my requests, and how to follow through when his behavior was not acceptable to me. What a gift and great friend he is. I have had three great canine's before him (Missy, Cleo, and Emily) but he has felt more like a human friend than any other. He has been my constant companion. He listens WELL, and he loves my company, really really loves it! As he is aging (almost 8 now) he has been mellowing and recently he has had some health issues. Last night while comforting him and holding him through the night I was reminded of how I used to take care of my children when they were not feeling well (physically or emotionally). Such a long night. My heart aching as he winced when attempting to get comfortable and readjust himself. I didn't even mind that he took all the covers... This is testing me. It is a challenge for me to witness him having a hard time getting up and down the stairs, and he is so large that I fear I will not be able to help him if he falls. This morning we tried some craniosacral work. He seemed to enjoy it and the lump on his spine seemed (to me) to get smaller. My own wishes? Perhaps, but he had more energy and seemed in less pain. He is loving the massage on the joints! He is loving the warm bed with all my covers scrunched around him like a nest. He is even loving the cats who are laying very close. They seem to be really worried about him, coming up and smelling his feet, and back. I can only wonder what they all talk about when I'm not here... Anyway, these are my ramblings for today. Thanks for listening. Hug your loves ALOT!!! Janet

Friday, September 20, 2013

Mothers Surprise

A week ago a joined a writing group called “write your memoirs”. Our first exercise was to write about “In the Kitchen”. I was surprised at what came up for me. It was a memory I had of listening to my Mom and her friends chat over coffee in the kitchen. So, over this week I’ve had the idea of “In the kitchen” on my mind. I had a memory of my Grandmother Marey and breakfast with her, and how she was “granola” before being “granola” was groovy! And this morning I thought about Mother’s surprise. That’s what my Mom called it. And I always knew when it was coming. But let me set the scene for you... My parents were not “poor”, but our family was not rolling in it either. We were I’d say typical middle class. As a child I don’t remember my parents talking about money except when it came to food. My Mom would talk about “cooking on a dime” and “making meals stretch to save money”, and I remember how proud she was that she could provide us with yummy, creative and nutritious meals “on a budget”. And she did just that! So, back to Mother’s surprise.,,, Mothers surprise was kind of like scalloped potatoes and ham, but it was with left over pork roast, sliced onions, cream of mushroom soup, land-o-lakes yellow american cheese and chopped up left over pork roast... and it always followed the dinner of pork roast, baked potatoes, veggies and salad. So I always knew when it was coming, and I really looked forward to it! She would slice the left over baked potatoes, onions, and roast, then layer it in a casserole dish and add the soup and cheese sauce, then another layer and another. Then she would bake it, 350 degrees for 45 minutes (I know this because my Mom would prepare it in the morning and who ever’s turn it was to do dinner would have to pop it in the over following the instructions left on the kitchen table). The reason I was thinking of it was because last night I made it, with a bit of a variation. I had no potatoes... Could mothers surprise be made without potatoes? Absolutely. I used rice instead (I got a bit of my Mom’s creative cooking gene for sure). And my husband and son LOVED it! And so did I! Yup Mother’s surprise, following pork roast dinner the night before. Carrying on the family tradition of cooking on a dime, providing fun nutritious food on a budget and happy campers at the dinner table!! Enjoy your time in the kitchen folks! Its where memory’s are made for sure!!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Ego and Energy

Go Inward. Ego. Spirit. Self. Self Worth. Conscious. Unconscious. These are all words that are being used by many who are searching for enlightenment. Their own and the worlds. So when I hear these words used it often times makes me wonder. What exactly IS conscious and unconscious? Where exactly IS the Center. AND..Why EXACTLY do many of the "experts" keep directing "us" to let go of our ego. I personally LIKE my ego. My ego, who I think I am and what I connect to my name, my life, my external world, is absolutely necessary to walk on this earth. To BE HERE. So, WHY is it a bad thing to be connected to?? In the Blog CREDO, by Alice O Howell she writes "Jung likened the psyche to a mandala, a circle, and every circle has a center and a circumference. • Every circle can be made bigger or smaller. • The center generates the circle. • That center is the SELF; it is a hole in the wheel through which Spirit shines and gives us life". AND if the psyche is a mandala (as Jung says) then the outside of the circle would be my ego. The place that meets the world in my physical form. It is my skin that keeps my body wrapped up. It is the way I present myself to the world. It is me. Every part of me. But it is the ME that is external. AND it is VERY necessary. Let me say that again. MY EGO IS VERY NECESSARY! (I know that goes against many many "gurus" of the times,not intended to offend) So if my ego is the outside of the circle, than my heart is on the inside, as is my brain, all of my organs, my muscles, my ligaments and tendons, and even my fat. And the only thing that is on the INSIDE and the OUTSIDE is my energy. So when I connect to my energy through: touch, thoughts, meditations, meridians, chakras, magnetic unruffling of my aura, prayers, music, sharing of my heart, open conversations, breathing, being in nature, loving my pets, being kind to those around me and to myself, paying attention to how I feel, paying more attention to how I feel, and so on and on... than I am going inward. I have access to my EGO (my external world) and my ENERGY/SPIRIT/QI (my internal world). And for me, that's what a balanced life is all about. With love, Janet

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Fertilizer and flowers

Most folks would say I am pretty positive. And I would say that too. I would say that I can usually see the good, and recognize the suffering of others and have compassion and empathy. Most folks have never experienced my "non positive" side, because I often process on my own, quietly, with respect for those around me, so that they don't have to experience the "pissiness" of me while I am figuring my own stuff out... I call that process "Being fertilized". So recently I posted two rather direct, non positive, non compassionate posts on my facebook wall. And one good friend privately contacted me to share their feelings and share how my post made them feel not so good. And I really appreciate that feedback. The conversation about having compassion for others while they are struggling, and sometimes others suffering is not a choice, made me think... about things that have been out of my control for the past 6 months. Of course I believed that "controlling" my feelings and keeping the part of my self that was experiencing fertilization was a good thing, I have recently come to see (thanks for the wasps who crawled up my pants) that keeping my feelings controlled has not been good for ME... So yesterday out of anger and frustration I posted "If your life sucks change it... The end" (which I have taken down) and it hurt some of my friends who are struggling with the fertilization process also. And it made me realize that what is happening is happening for a reason, and yes it is sucky for me financially. And it is sucky for some of my clients as I had been previously been able to offer free cancer massage and did other volunteer services in the community and due to anothers life choices I am not able to do that... So I sat with this. And I asked myself, can I still volunteer? Do I really believe that the Universe will step in and
take care of the expenses that I will be unable to pay if I do less paying massage? I already do trade for some food and other life necesitities, but the fact is taxes need to be paid, banks are not interested in trading for my car loan, Geico could care less if I don't pay because they will just push a button and end my insurance, and growing kids need to have clothes and shoes that fit them... AND What's the worst thing that could happen if I just stopped believing that this other persons life choices are affecting me. So I decided to look at the past few months of this "out of my control" life situation and change it. I decided to think about it as a fertilization process. I thought about that word. And in my thinking I was paying attention to the beautiful flowers that surround me on a daily basis. And I decided its okay for me to feel anger about this. Its okay with me to not be happy with this person. And its okay for me to express it so that it doesn't get stuck inside me... AND it just means that with this process, while I am in the depths of sh*tty feelings, my roots are being strengthened. AND soon, sweet fruit and a more vibrant beautiful flower of myself will emerge. My hope is that the 90% of my positivity will out weigh the 10% of my fertilizer that may occasionally seep out in the form of hurtful words or facebook posts. The End... (for now)...

Thursday, August 15, 2013

I bow to you

I started out my 50th year with a movie called Dear John. My daughter and her love recommended it. They did tell me I would probably cry. And it was intense. They were not lying. So I did cry, and it was intense, and it evoked many many thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it takes something outside ourselves to make us pause, turn around, and look inward. This movie was that something. (along with the fact that I turned 50 today!). I turned the crying into deep breathing and started thinking about the hero in this movie. How he, even though hurting, used his resources for the good of another. And how his love, even though she was deeply deeply in love with him, married another for the good of his autistic child. And how both of these people seemed to really KNOW one another. How they remained connected through the years and although not closely in the physical sense, closely in the heart. Then I thought about how many people I feel so close to in my heart. And yet due to life circumstances we do not connect in the physical world. I thought about my past loves, and what each one taught me. I thought about my youth and how I (like all the others I knew at the time) tried on different faces and different loves to figure out which direction I would take. How I tried on different belief systems to see what felt the best to me. And how I made excuses for my choices, as if bargaining with the Universe, so I could feel I did “the right thing”... And then I fast forwarded to now. And how lately I feel even more deeply. Its a deep that I cannot articulate, but it wells up inside me often, and I am in awe of this energy that moves inside me, within and around me, and within and around all of us... As I was working yesterday a song came on (from the CD Grace) called “oh my beloved” and I began to cry (thankfully my client was face down on the table and didn’t witness this sappy side of self). Its been over the past ten years or so that I have “come home”. Until then I didn’t know I could love so deeply, or be loved so deeply. I didn’t know I could actually put down all walls and receive fully from another. I didn’t know I could have such compassion without attachment for another’s suffering, I didn’t know just how sweet ~ like REALLY REALLY SWEET life is... for ALL of us! OR DID I?? So I leave you with these words that are not mine, but I am holding them in my heart, my cells, my breath always. Much love and gratitude to all who I have known and loved, to all who I have known and at the time felt unlove towards, to all those whom I have not yet had the pleasure of knowing, I bow to you! ~ Janet Oh my beloved Kindness of the heart Breath of life I bow to you And I'm coming home, And I'm coming home And I'm coming home, And I'm coming home Oh my beloved Kindness of the heart Breath of life, I bow to you Divine Teacher Beloved Friend I bow to you Again and again! Lotus sitting on the water (Guru dev guru dev namo) Beyond time and space (Guru dev guru dev namo) This is your way (Guru dev guru dev namo) This is your grace (Guru dev guru dev namo) Ong namo guru dev namo Ong namo) This is your way Guru dev namo This is your way..

Friday, June 28, 2013

Laughter IS the best medicine

Recently while in a class another student took this photo of me. The first thought that came to mind was my Grandmother. I can remember during one summer visit (she used to spend a few months with my parents in the summer to get away from the extreme Florida heat) we were sitting at the kitchen table and she was sharing her amazing wisdom with me. The wisdom that comes with many years of experience... Here is what she told me: Life can be hard. Life doesn't always seem fair. Learn to laugh. Simple. Yet how often do we forget that medicine? When we laugh all the "feel good" hormones are released by the brain and flood the body. They give us a feeling of lightness. A feeling of relaxation in our shoulders and our hearts open wide. All the drama of the day washes away. And we are in the moment, the moment of pure joy... And to manifest anything we need to find those times more than not. So, I am posting this picture on my refrigerator so that every time I see it, I can return to the feeling of pure joy that I was experiencing! I can look at my face, the sparkle in my eye, the hand raised ready to slap my knee, and know that life is hard, but GOOD, Life may not always seem fair, but I trust the process and KNOW all things happen for my highest good, and I KNOW HOW TO LAUGH!! Thanks Grandma, I take your advice and raise you one!

Monday, May 20, 2013

A few days ago, my husband brought out from the barn, the skull of a female moose. It had offered herself for the feeding of a family, and he had honored her by saving the skull. As I have been sitting with the skull over the last few days I find myself fascinated by it. And usually when I am drawn to something so strongly there is a message for me. So today, I gave myself time to just sit with her. To listen to her story. To see through her eyes. To follow all the very delicate lines that fused the gigantic bones. Which led me to think about death and bones. And bones and connective tissue. And death and connective tissue. And the wondering is since bones are connective tissue why do they not "disappear" when the rest of the body does. The answer that resonates in my bones (yup I said it) was this... Bones are left as a mark that we were here. They tell a story. Each line, each break and healing, every little hole that housed a necessary organ for life, even the teeth reveal something ~ like the food that was eaten by the living being while it roamed the earth. As the day passed I began to think about the moose. I closed my eyes and pretended that I was her walking though the woods, with graceful awkwardness. this reminded me of being a child in Maine and walking with my brother in the woods and hearing and feeling a moose before we could see her. She took our breath away. We jumped into the bushes and she did not see us, but we saw her and she was enormous and glorious and magical. We felt her walk on the earth for what seemed like an hour, even after we could not see her we felt her... Then I of course looked up Moose in Animal Speak. I was not surprised at what the book revealed. According to Animal Speak Moose holds the magic of walking between the worlds. She shares how to use mediumship and work with the spirits of the dead, going into the void and coming back out. They protect their young with great primal maternal energy that very few others ever challenge. The head and the feet are the two parts of the body on the moose most sensitive, revealing that those with Moose medicine have a link to foot reflexology and also craniosacral work to facilitate healing for self and others. The Moose has always been a powerful omen, reflecting a good long life. When Moose comes into your life the primal contact with the great feminine force and void of life is being awakened. It is an invitation to learn to explore new depths of awareness and sensitivity within yourself and your environment. When I sit with the Moose skull and I ask her if this is true for me, she says quite clearly, right on Janet!!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Memories for Mother's Day

Having conversations with friends about our Mothers, since it is Mother's day weekend, I took the opportunity to walk through the past and here is what came to me... I wonder how I was fortunate enough to have ended up the me I am today. I wonder how you, mother, managed to instill love, respect, responsibility, and hope after being taught as a child so many other realities. How does one rise above the pain and self imposed shame of childhood abuse, the internal guilt of "why didn't I protect my daughters" and the societal belief that maybe we deserved it? How? Once in an intimate conversation you asked me If I could ever forgive you? It made me sad to realize that I had forgiven you years ago, and that you really only needed to forgive yourself. I could only imagine how you must have felt experiencing the same thing I did but living in a time when it was a big no no to share any family secrets and a time when people believed the story of "don't hang out your dirty laundry in public". I even shocked you when I told you I had forgiven the man, who I was raised to believe was my grandfather, who started the cycle of abuse... How could I not... As a boy being raised in Austria as one of Hitlers Youth. How could he have done better? He was programmed for pain, to give and receive. But you, you chose the high road. You rose above childhood programming. You taught love and instilled a deep sense of self respect and shared the truth with all your children that "we could be or do anything we believed we could be or do". When I take the time to sit with both of our pasts I am so grateful to the you of then and the me of now, and if I had to be born again I would still choose you. Mother.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Spring Cleaning and Castor Oil Packs

As spring makes itself present, many of us are cleaning up our yards, cleaning out closets, packing away winter clothing and bringing out the short sleeves and light weight jackets. For me it always feels good to get my home ready for the new season. I can feel it in my body when it has been cleaned up, unused or broken items removed, walls washed, frig cleaned out, and patio furniture spray washed and ready for use. I feel like I walk lighter on my feet once it has been finished. So if we clean out our houses, what about cleaning out our bodies, our spirits home? Along with eating more fruits and veggies and drinking plenty of water, I often turn to castor oil packs in the spring to clean out my inner workings... I find it to be one of the best self care treatments I can do on a regular basis to improve my own health. Castor oil, applied topically to the abdomen, is absorbed through the skin directly into the lymphatic fluid. It thins the lymphatic fluid and promotes its circulation throughout the body with special attention to the liver, spleen, and intestines. Our lymphatic system (our bodies “sewer system”) absorbs dead cells, functional immune complexes, and debris from all over the body and brings it to the liver and spleen for filtering. When our lymphatic system becomes slow and stagnant it effects digestion and "gut" immunity leading to inefficient bowel movements, susceptibility to viruses, and worsening food sensitivities. Castor Oil is an "old fashioned" remedy which improves circulation to the vital organs and can correct the aforementioned processes. Its easy to do, not that expensive, and has no known side-effects. I will often do it 3 to 4 nights in a row, once a month, to keep my insides working well. I also find that it helps alleviate back aches, stomach aches, and headaches when done regularly. To do a castor oil pack you will, of course, need castor oil. I highly recommend cold pressed organic, since it is absorbed into your system, you really don't want added chemicals or pesticides... right?? Next cut a piece of cotton flannel (I usually recommend that it not be colored, as the dye will also be absorbed through the process of castor oil pack). Find an old towel or t-shirt (which you will need to prevent staining your sheets or the couch if you do it while resting on your couch). And last but not least a hot water bottle, heating pad, or microwavable bean bag. Procedure Pour approximately 1-2 tablespoons of Castor Oil to your cotton flannel and apply onto the upper right quadrant of your abdomen, just under the ribcage (location of liver). Place your old towel or t-shirt over the flannel to keep any excess oil from touching your sheets. Place heat source on top of the towel. Temperature should be high enough for you to feel the warmth on your skin but not get burned. Relax for 30-45 minutes while your skin absorbs the oil. This is a nice ritual to do before going to sleep, while reading or relaxing in bed, or watching a movie. You can keep a container next to the bed so that when you are ready to go to sleep it is easy to drop all materials into the container without getting out of bed. You can keep the flannel in a plastic bag in the refrigerator and re-use it for all four nights. Be sure to take it out about an hour before you plan to use it again so that it is does not freeze your tummy when applied again. Happy spring cleaning! Be well, Janet

Friday, March 29, 2013

What did you want to be when you grow up?

A few years ago, I was interviewed by a local high school student because I was a business owner in the community. One of the questions was "Did you always want to do massage and be a business owner" and "What did you want to be when you grew up"? This morning as I send my stepson off to school the question arose in my mind again, but this time I was thinking of him. High school. So much pressure to decide what you want to do and be... I can't imagine having to go back there... So here is what I shared with the student a few years ago, and I share it again for all the high schoolers who are being expected to choose their life careers when their life is so young here on the planet... When I was a teen all I wanted to do was be a Mom. I imagined my children. I imagined how they would smell all clean from a bath, and wrapped in snuggly blankets. I chose names for my imaginary children. I even imagined one boy and one girl. With that said, I had my first child at 20. I often felt that I was looked down on by my peers who went off to college to party and live off their parents (my assumption). I had my second child when I was 27, when many of my friends from high school were just beginning their careers or starting serious relationships. During that time between when I had my first and second child I had a dog who had lots of health problems. So I got a part time job (on top of my full time job) so that I could learn about dogs and could better care for my own. When I was about 28 I figured out that I had some intuitive skills, I could anticipate what someone needed before they expressed it verbally. So I used that skill and worked in a small testing laboratory. I started out as receptionist, then took classes because I was interested in people so learning about human resources was right up my alley. After a few years I was given the responsibility of heading up the HR department. As the company grew and my children were getting older and really needing their Mom at home after-school and for chaffeauring, I stepped down from HR and worked part time, assisting the new HR Manager which was really a fun job. When I was 35 I had some very serious health issues so I began learning about alternatives that could help me get well without the recommended surgery and medications that were being offered by main stream medicine. Within a year, I was off all meds and the heart condition I was diagnosed with miraculously was gone. So when I had my car accident in 2001 it was only natural that I would again look for ways to help myself, and Massage was it. After attending massage school, graduating and getting licensed I started my own business. Again I used my intuitive skills, listening closely to my clients about their health issues and their needs, and started looking into further education. I have taken many certification programs and use all of them as needed. A few years ago I began wondering about teaching, so I started sharing information with clients about energy medicine. Balance for the self! As I continue to wonder about teaching, once again the Universe is presenting me with opportunities! This summer I am holding energy and assisting at Meridian Massage Institute and have been asked by my M.D. to sit on a panel of healers to assist in the shift of health care in my local area... So, as you can see, What did you want to be when you grew up, was really not something I could have answered in high school. I have always just allowed my dreams to come. Although it was not always easy, as my brothers and sister all have Master's Degrees and work "regular jobs". I was always the odd one in the bunch. Can I say I am happier than others? I don't know. But I am happy for myself. And that my friends is all that really matters... So high schoolers, and parents of high schoolers, lighten up. Enjoy the ride. Listen to your heart. And it will all be alright!! Namaste, Janet

Monday, March 18, 2013

challenging authority?

Someone recently said to me "well he's just doing what we taught him to do, challenge authority". This sentence has been popping up in my conscious thoughts so I sat with it. Here's what I came up with... To challenge authority means (to me) when you are asked to participate in something that is illegal, immoral, or hurtful to another, then standing up and saying NO to that action. This is honorable, and it is imperative to the whole. BUT... if at work (or school for those in school since that is their work/job at this time) you are asked to do your job, do what you have been hired to do (or do work that is asked of you in school) then it is an equal exchange of energy and not doing it is NOT challenging authority. It is okay for your boss or teacher to ask of you what was agreed to upon your hire (or your enrollment in school). It is not a bad thing to understand that sometimes we may not always like what it is we are being asked to do. It may be boring, or you may have had a night of no sleep, or you may be distracted with personal challenges, etc. In most jobs (school) if you are honest about what is happening for you, you and have a conversation with your boss / teacher, often times another solution can be agreed upon, if the reason for not doing what is asked is valid... BUT just saying "no I don't want to" or "I don't feel like it" is often times not acceptable. Imagine how you would feel if you hired a contractor (or any other service person) to do a job. You agreed to what was to be done, how much it would cost, and the time frame it would take to get it done. And then when they were half way through they just decided they didn't feel like finishing. It probably wouldn't feel good, it may even cause some anger to well up inside of you. BUT if that service person came to you and explained that something was happening for them, and the time frame had changed due to circumstances beyond their immediate control, then you may actually feel empathy and would be able to sit down and work out another solution to the agreed upon exchange. So if challenging authority is about standing up for those who have no voice, or protecting the land or the water or the community then I say YES!!! BUT if challenging authority is an excuse to be whiny or lazy, and you use it to not do something you may not like doing than it can feel obnoxious to the person you are having the exchange with. And there are NATURAL CONSEQUENCES for this behavior. If its at work, you may lose your job. If its at school, you may have no weekend privledges at home. And if you don't like the natural consequences, then change the behavior that is causing them. Its all up to you. Period. Thanks for listening, my rant is done...

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The silly workings of the mind

I love when I remember to pay attention to the pause in between... In between each breath, in between words, in between thoughts, in between actions... In between. This theme has come up for me (and many I know) alot lately. In between jobs, in between kids, in between relationships, in between life and death and so on... For me the in between has been in my own thoughts, and what is programmed as "right and wrong" and what actually is... Recently my husbands teenage son has come to live with us full time. My husband and his ex-wife (his son's Mom) have co-parented for many years, their son has lived with my husband full time on and off over his life, and they have been able to work it out where if one of them has more than the other one, the one with more takes responsibility at that point. This is such a beautiful thing and I am so glad it has worked for them. And I really want to make it clear that the issue is mine, there is no right or wrong and I know that to be true. I am sharing because I am sure that many folks have the same internal struggles but really don't know how to talk about it in a way that is ok for all involved. So I shall attempt it: My MIND says She should..., we should..., he should..., that's not right..., what about... Of course you can fill in the blanks in many ways, and those are not really the important part of the story for me, the story is that my MIND wants to control the situation with "shoulds" and "should nots". That's the thing with the mind. It has been fed a story about what is right, what is not, how we should respond, how others should behave, and then there's the fear of how are we gonna do this financially, I mean really, a teen boy EATS alot (big sigh). Anyone else know what I am talking about? Ok if you do, then you realize that these thoughts pop up randomly and then they take hold and act like the energizer bunny... they keep on ticking! And its WORK to get them to let go. And the WORK is WORTH IT!! When my thoughts become un-loving or judgemental of self or another, I pop open my tool box to bring me back to myself! I know about energy and the energy body and how to balance, I use mantra's, meditation, writing in a journal (or blogging) to open the cork so the bottle doesn't blow, I have the accessibility of the woods, know how to breathe deep and have surrounded myself with relationships that bring me back to whats love and whats not. So, if you are having thoughts of right and wrong, or looking at how another is living their life and think "if only they did blah blah blah, then I suggest you STOP. STOP the mind. Check into the heart. And if you don't know how, then ask someone who might be able to guide you. And really don't take it too seriously, its just the silly mind after all and your heart is much more powerful, you just have to learn what it feels like and how to let go of everything you've been taught about life ~ yup, that's all, that's what's on my "mind" today! Be well and happy! It is a choice!!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Circle in the woods!

Getting aquainted with my new surroundings I have come across a place in the woods that looks like it is perfect for ceremony and ritual! It is a perfect circle where no trees have grown, surrounded by old pines and deep enough in the woods that anything other than "woods noises" can be heard. This past weekend My husband and sons cut me a path to the circle. This didn't mean cutting live trees, it was cutting up the trees that had fallen, it was as if the path was already there just waiting for me! So today I am gonna pay a visit to the circle and sit and ask what exactly she wants of me. What the woods would like to have as part of THEIR home! I can't wait to see hear what they ask of me. And then I am excited to put into action the information that is entrusted to me!! Namaste y'all!!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Good Red Road and my message from Aniiyah

Today I met with a dear friend who I have known for a number of years, and with whom I worked closely with in 2007 and 2008 to bring the 13 Indigenous Grandmothers to Groton, NY. After The Grandmothers came and went my friend and I drifted apart due to miles and work responsibilities and life in general. Over the past year she has been working in her area with a number of other folks learning from a Lakota Grandmother Sweatlodge ceremony and other Red Road (native american) traditions and ceremony. My friend had invited me last year to be part of the group in training, but it didn't fit into my schedule. I was disappointed but as always, I trust the Universe, and I know that what ever is for my highest good flows easily and effortlessly into my life and time opens up to allow for it. Today as we were talking and she was so exuberantly sharing the new information and talking about the good red road, I remembered a vision I had had a while back (which was another reason why I knew the Universe had not opened for me to participate in the training a year ago). This vision I share came to me, where else, but in the shower... (water seems to open that channel up for me). As I was showering I kept seeing my Great Grandmother, Marey (Indian name Aniiyah) who was Blackfoot Indian. She was talking to me, but I couldn't make out her words clearly... Maybe I had water in my ears, who knows, but all I could hear was the cadence to her words. The rhythm felt very familiar. Once I stepped out of the tub, I bent over to dry my hair with the towel and it suddenly was long (my hair in this world was short). I was drying LONG HAIR. What the... I dropped my towel and stood up quickly and it felt like long wet hair had slapped my back and was dripping down to the floor. (This all was happening in slow motion) I went over to the the mirror and when I looked into the mirror my eyes were looking back at me, but my face was wrinkled and very tan, and my hair was long and salt and pepper colored. I blinked a few times, and then heard myself saying (but it didn't sound exactly like me, my words were coming out like cadence... da daa daa da daa daa da da). What I heard was "The Red Road is a good road, and although you have my blood, red blood, it is not your road this time. You walk many roads, you know many ways and you are a connector. Learn about ALL roads, that is why you are here". Even now as I share this with you I am brought back to how it felt to be looking at myself, but seeing my Great Grandmother. Visions, which in the logical society, are poo poohed, are very real! The ancestors speak to us all the time. That world, the unseen world, is very much active and alive and available to help us if we quiet down and listen. That, my friends is the real challenge. Quieting down. We are bombarded with so much stimuli that we forget who we really are. Why we are really here. And what we can do while we are here!! So, as I give thanks to my friend and her whole group for learning and bringing information to us, I also give thanks to all the Ancestors. Especially To Aniiyah who is always with me, who's voice is clear and who's blood runs through my veins, and reminds me of what is REAL, whether seen or unseen with the human eyes!

Monday, January 28, 2013


Isn't self reflection interesting? Amazing how when you pay attention to the body, self reflection is just the next "logical" step... So, if you have been following my blog for a few years you are aware that about 2 1/2 years ago a relationship that I invested time, lots of money, and heart into ended abruptly (in my eyes) and not in a pretty way. Shortly afterwards, I broke my ankle (trimalleolar fracture with dislocation, with so much swelling they couldn't do surgery for almost a month. This landed me on the couch and out of work for about 3 months. I had lots of ugly feelings to work through, and if you know the metaphysical work of Louise Hays ankle, accidents, and swelling represent the ability to receive pleasure, inability to speak up for the self, anger, and clogged painful thinking. All three applied to me at that point. The gift was that I had 3 months to do nothing except breathe, pray, read, examine my own feelings, and watch the world go by (summer to fall, which was gorgeous!). I was so grateful for the time to process as I was very angry. I felt betrayed, I felt like a "fool" for trusting, and I had invested all my money in anothers' education and home that I had absolutely nothing to live on. Once again the Universe supplied. I had clients purchase gift certificates to be used when I was healed, I received medicaid which covered the cost of surgery, and I had a very understanding landlord who allowed me to run a tab to be paid in the future. Folks brought me food (and what a beautiful selection!), and the young man next door (who I have grown to think of as a son) took my dogs out and brought me dog food. I was in awe of the generosity and support of my community. That in itself was a huge gift. Anyway, recently my ex has come up in a number of conversations, folks wondering about what I think of him, would I recommend him, etc. Then on fb his picture appeared on a friends wall and I was shocked at my response (internal). I was furious that he looked happy. This surprised me as I thought I had really processed the whole thing two years earlier. Then, last week two of the screws in my ankle began working their way out so I went to see the doctor and yes indeed they needed to be removed. Wow, was that ever my body talking to me or what. Amazing the correlation between my thoughts and my physical body. And my body was telling me it was time to really let go of the "screws". It was telling me I am ready. I don't need that energy... So this morning I did some "work" wishing him well. Praying that his family is filled with abundance, that his estranged relationship with his children is healed, that his heart is whole and that whatever our karma was is now fulfilled. I only share this because I know we all have those "ouchy" places in ourselves. All humans if they live on this earth have been disappointed, lied to, hurt, abandoned, used, and kicked around. AND the only way to heal those wounds is to EXAMINE YOUR OWN HEART, YOUR OWN INTERNAL LANDSCAPE, AND OWN SOME KIND OF SPIRITUAL PRACTICE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO LET GO AND LOVE AGAIN. Its not easy, its not always pretty what we see inside ourselves, and it can take time (like 2 years...), but it is surely worth it. I now feel released. I feel ready to not only be "unscrewed" in my head and heart, but in my body too!! Once again, thanks be to the Universe and the amazing life experience that has been my most wonderful teacher! Namaste y'all!!

Sunday, January 20, 2013


Did you ever wonder about language? I do. This mornings wonderings were: How fascinating that there are only 26 letters in the alphabet, yet there are millions, even trillions of words. And those words combined in different ways create sentences and how many sentences create a book and how many books are there just in your own house? Lets take the letter W. How many words just off the top of you head can you come up with that begin with W? Here are a few that came to me as I pondered this morning. Winter Whisper Wallow Wind Whimsical Wonder Why What When Who Waft Wish Wedding Wane Wax Whore Whole West Without White Well Washed Whimper Whisker Wonderlust Ok, ok, you get the idea. Now, how many sentences can you put together from these words? A few? Lots? Hundreds? And how many of those words when you say them, or hear them, or see them, trigger an emotional response? How many are you attached to meaning one thing or another? Lots of them, right? Then if you think about that, maybe someone else might have a different emotional attachment so when you speak them them hear something totally different because they don't actually hear the word you are saying they "hear" in their body the emotional response they have to the word. Could this be why communication can often be challenging, especially if you are not aware of who you might be speaking to. And what their experience with the word might be... So, now that you have had a little "peak" into the morning wonderings of my oh so fascinating thoughts, I say ... Go in peace, and serve the words...

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Owl Medicine

Sometimes the Universe just completely surprises me. Since my move and marriage Fred and I have been spending time cleaning and de-cluttering so that our home is not his or mine, but OUR home. I have released, recycled, given away and surrendered lots and lots of things (furniture that was unnecessary, clothing that I haven't worn for a year, kitchen implements and nick nacks that held no real senitmental value). Doing this requires time and energy, which is probably why sometimes I resist (as do many others I'm sure). In a few of our most recent clean outs we went through our "spare" room. I always wonder why its called that. Probably because it is the collection space for things that you don't really need. Anyway, while cleaning the spare room Fred came upon an Owls Claw. When I held it and closed my eyes, my heart started racing, I felt dizzy, and I had the feeling I was flying. I had to open my eyes quickly to get my footing... So of course the Owls Claw stayed. Owl symbolizes the feminine and has been called "a cat with wings", which is very appropriate for me as I have inherited 5 cats in my union with my love. Owl also represents magic, omens, silent wisdom and vision in the night before I go to sleep at night I hold it and ask for guidance in the dream world. I ask my owl spirit for protection, for clear signs, and for memory of what will serve me when I wake up. I haven't "heard" her name yet, but I am sure she will reveal it to me in good time. For now I am satisfied holding the claw, making my intention for dreaming clear, and waiting. And of course I'm sure, the Universe will completely surprise me!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Clear headed new years!

Thoughts about New Years... This year I have learned a lot about "Addiction", and I learned there is still more to understand... Someone I love dearly has completed a lengthy "rehab" this year and their experience afforded me the opportunity to get really clear on what's mine and what's not. It helped me to understand that loving someone does not mean that you bail them out of problems they behaved themselves into. Loving someone with an addiction is surely one of the hardest lessons and also most freeing lessons I have had in a long time. When a loved one has an addiction (no matter what the substance or behavior is) they often times with "pull on the heart strings" of family and friends. They will want to be rescued. They will blame everyone (the whole world) for their addiction. They become not themselves. Its actually fascinating to be able to lovingly detach and witness the addiction. Its fascinating to me that ANYONE would choose this way of being in the world, but it does happen. And it takes a lot to release the need and desire for the addiction. AND it only happens when someone is ready. Not before... So, in order to support the person I love in their dance with addiction, we had an alcohol free New Years. And, it was lovely! WE laughed, we ate great food, we all worked together doing dishes, and we got to know each other a little bit more without the use of any mind altering substances... Happy Sober New Years Y'all!!