Wednesday, July 23, 2014
In 2001 I was in a serious auto accident. Seconds before that life changing event, I "saw" a woman sitting in the front passenger seat of my vehicle. She said to me "you're going to be hurt, but you're going to be fine". I have called her my Blue Angel ever since, but her correct name is Mary Magdalene. Mary's words came to me often during this period of getting to know myself through this challenge of the body; recognizing the strength that was within me; helping me to be still enough to hear the wisdom within my own cells; and giving me courage to challenge the health care system that shared with me more negative than positive possible outcomes... When I was well on my way to healing, Mary appeared to me again. This time it was in a painting that my Mother brought to me. My Mother told me the story of standing in front of this painting in a museum in Florida. She shared with me this story: "It was as if I was stuck in front of this painting... As if the woman in the painting reached out and held my shoulders and wouldn't allow me to move until I understood the message... " And so, my Mother, being more intuitive than she likes to admit, followed Mary's guidance, bought the painting and very ceremoniously presented it to me! When I opened the gift, wrapped in purple paper and tied with a blue ribbon, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a picture of MY Blue Angel (photo).
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
This past weekend I spent in Vermont on a family vacation with my husband, daughter, daughter-in-law, and step son. It was a very long ride, with a cranky 16 year old, a nervous doberman, a husband who is not a good traveler, and me, who has been having some health issues due to lyme. Can you say "Meow"... Once I got used to the picking picking picking about how dumb I am (of course 16 year olds do know everything), how crappy we are as parents, and how un-fun our time together was, I needed help. On the first day there I did not have time to do my usual morning prayers, Qigong or walk with Brutus. And boy did I feel it. But the second day I made sure to incorporate those things that I normally do in the morning. I was up earlier than everyone else, and while my amazing husband made coffee, I went outside with the critters, and did 20 minutes of QiGong. After the first five minutes I was feeling better, and by the end I was really noticing the difference between practicing and NOT practicing. The second day went much better than the first. We spent time with BIG ROCKS at Smugglers Notch and visited a lovely covered bridge with a great stream that we were allowed to play in. The water was the great binder. My husband, his son, my daughter and her love all played in the water. There was laughter, and creativity, and wow an amazing Cairn that came out of that time.
Monday, June 9, 2014
Today was all about Turtles. I saw one on my own this morning, and Fred Klock and I saw one (and rescued her) on our way home from our friends house. My turtle this morning told me a story. Maybe it sounds odd, but often times if I sit quietly with an animal or a plant or tree I get an "impression" of a story in my mind. Sometimes I can even hear their voices... Today's story began with me looking directly at my beautiful friend. Then I sat down in front of her, even though I was a little nervous because she was SO big and I don't really know much about the speed of turtles movement. It took me about 20 minutes to feel connected, I think she was as nervous as I was... And turtle said: You have been knowing things. Things that maybe others know but do not voice. All creatures should consider these things; Where they live, what they do as an energy exchange for their abundance or poverty, are they in right relation to themselves and their community. Can they be still. Where is your water? Know your garden, the soil, the minerals, even the worms. Know them. Spend time with the bees. Listen to their song, and pay attention to when they sing the loudest. Then she spoke about me. She said: It is time to speak your truth. To weave prayers around flesh. To sing your song. Don't hold the truth inside. Create your community. Call to you those who need to hear this truth. And take not it personally those who are not ready. Then she she stopped and took a deep breath. So I took a deep breath. It seemed like a long time that we were just breathing. Not doing. As I was not doing I noticed all the lines on her face, and she smiled. Her eyes were so bright. She said, your lines are coming. They will tell YOUR story. They will remind you of all those you love and have loved. These are your "family lines". Be good to each other. And do not look outside yourself for a leader. Now is the time of knowing and sharing. Then I was paying close attention to her shell. So green. Almost luminous. And she spoke again... Just as I have a hard shell that is beautiful to behold it serves a purpose. I Know when to retreat inside, or when to move swiftly to bite with my strong jaws, you must learn that too. The water is flowing now very fast. It is changing the landscape. Mountains are melting. Land is being built up. These changes are so great and swift that there are those who are afraid. Some feel like their lives are being torn apart, and they are suffering greatly. They do not trust the water. They have the false belief that the solid ground is their refuge. They hold onto how things have always been done. They know not their ancestors. They do not listen to the trees or learn the medicine abundant in their own locations. The hill, THIS HILL will protect you. She has been here forever. She has magic in her soil, and her water, and her inhabitants. Share what she tells you. She is very wise. All that she offers, she offers in a sacred manner. You must receive in kind. And celebrate those who come. They ARE coming. They have been called. The longing is in their hearts. Now is not the time to be shy. Be in awe of all that is. It still surprises me, although I am old and have seen much of the same for many years. I now see the mud as it is changing. Where we lay our eggs or plant our seeds must shift. I am shifting. You are shifting. Gather those who know what you do not. Share with each other. Be prepared. It will only be scary if you hold onto what you believe it should be. It will look different. It is already different. As are you. Then she put her head into her shell and pulled her tail and large clawed hands in too and I knew our conversation was over.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
This weekend I supported one of my favorite teachers in a weekend of Abdominal Meridian Massage. When in the role of supporter I setup the room, hold energy, demonstrate and help people find specific meridians and points when asked, and am a participating person when necessary (if the class is an un-even number). This weekend worked out that I actually gave and received this amazing work. One of the "head trips" about being a healer or in a healing field FOR ME (notice that is capitalized... I am not sure if it is this way for everyone so I don't want to lump us all together) is that I often am in the role of teacher or therapist and forget to be the student. AND I sometimes forget for myself (even though I remind my clients often) that healing happens and things arise when we are completely ready. AND often times it happens in layers. SO, this weekend was my (smack my forehead make a duh sound) reminder... While doing Abdominal Meridian Massage we contact the organs in the abdomen, the QI corresponding to that organ system and all that is "attached" to the physical area of the body that is READY to be "heard". As many of my friends know, I was in a serious auto accident in 2001. In that accident I broke my pelvis in 3 places and had to have a bone graft from my left hip to re-attach my arm by putting a plate wrapped around the bone chips from the hip and then screwing said plate to my sternum and humorous. As you may well imagine, I have done TONS and TONS of my own healing work in both areas, have been receiving work from other healers, get regular massage and energy work, and am gentle are loving to those areas of my body... So this weekend when my partner was working in the lower left quadrant of my abdomen and connecting to the energy of the large intestine (METAL ELEMENT) and stomach (EARTH ELEMENT), I was SHOCKED to feel once again the pain in my shoulder and hip. I felt the connections of those areas and thought I had already done all the work necessary to release the event and the pain... On a conscious level I have not had pain the those areas. I have been completely unaware that the energy was still speaking to me. Then in the afternoon session as my partner was working the areas again I was very "in my head" and logically telling myself what she was working on reminding myself that I had done the work, and so on and so on... Then all of a sudden I had an epiphany... It was one word. One simple word. SAFE. This may not mean much to someone who is unaware of meridians and their associations... BUT the EARTH element's meridians are stomach and spleen. AND the energy of the EARTH element is FEELING SAFE. WOW WOW WOW And then I began to laugh. Huge laughter. At myself. At taking myself so seriously. At thinking THINKING THINKING that the work was done. HA. The work is NEVER DONE. We get reprieves and times of still waters, and then when we are in the perfect moment in time, with the perfect experience available for feeling and "hearing" the body speaks. It reminded me that Unconscious really means we just don't know. We may make lists of all of our unconscious habits or patterns or whatever. And then we think we know. BUT we really don't know until we DO know. So, on that note I remind myself and EVERYONE else that UNCONSCIOUS means we don't know. It means that for everyone. And so when we remember that things will arises because we've made an inquiry to our QI (or whatever word you use to describe creation and energy and the vast mystery of all), and it may not be today or tomorrow. AND it may require us to continue to ask, and to be curious, and to wonder and to be open and to be gentle with ourselves for NOT knowing something or seeing something or understand something until years later. And also to always CONTINUE to ASK. Energy responds to all inquiries. And our body is the vessel in which it often reveals its answer. Love, Janet
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Today we celebrated my Mothers 80th birthday. Things that I learned today (or at least was reminded of today): *Aging well means eating well, loving well, moving as well as you can, having a positive attitude, believing in something bigger than yourself and asking for help when necessary. *Family hold patterns of behavior and response, no matter what age. *My Dad, although quite an amazing human being, has an interesting pattern of relationship with my Mother. *My siblings continue to "pick" on me, no matter what age I am, and I continue to want acceptance from them and my parents. *Even though they (my family) are all "proud" of me for my accomplishments, I (and that is a capital) am the one who sometimes see's the relationship from a past point of view. *High school friendships that were based on commonalities like music and drama and theatre, last a life time! With all the celebrating that was happening, I decided this weekend I was going to lovingly observe my own patterns. To witness the energy interactions between myself, my children, my parents, my siblings, and my/their friends; To listen to the stories we all tell and to weed out the personal perceptions from the "facts". Wow, was that fun. I learned so much about myself. I really got to witness my children interacting as adults with family and friends, to listen to them share their lives, to see them open their hearts and participate! AND my son said to me just a little while ago as we are ending this day... Mom, you did a great job. You really ARE the best Mom anyone could ever wish for. Now, I know that this truly stroked my ego, but ya know what... It felt good, and it felt like the perfect time for him to share, and it helped me as a Mother to let go of my OWN perceived perceptions of the job I did (or didn't do sometimes). Today, we celebrated my Mothers 80th birthday, and I am looking forward to celebrating many many MANY more!! Happy Sunday, xo Janet
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Forgiveness is one of the primary mantras preached by the ungrounded spirituality movement. This is not to say that forgiveness is a bad thing, but it is not the first place to go after an abusive relationship or traumatic experience. Healing is. Putting our focus on forgiving a wrongdoer before we have actually worked through our anger and our pain is another way the new age movement sidesteps their own unresolved shadow and the principles of accountability. I knew someone who had been stabbed by a lunatic and while they were bleeding, they were doing a forgiveness mantra for the stabber. Good thing someone else called an ambulance, or they would have died. When it comes down to it, healing and forgiving ourselves is the important step. If forgiveness of other arises organically, so be it. If it doesn’t, it’s not important. We are not responsible for those who wound us. They can take that up with God. ~ Jeff Brown This is a statement that I am going to tape on my refrigerator. When I read it I had a HUGE AHA moment... And amazingly I let go of a big thing that I have been "working on" forgiving... WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE WHO WOUND US! AMEN. Stay safe, look for goodness, feel joy, recognize dangerous situations, AND do not engage with those who are not kind to you or who bully or manipulate you! The best way to make this more real is by looking at your own internal landscape. Do QiGong, practice meditation, find a breathing exercise that you enjoy, read books that uplift you, LOVE LOVE LOVE yourself enough to heal, move on, and let go!! Happy Thursday folks!!
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
For the last two years I have been hearing I should be teaching... After applying to a local massage school, I was told that NYS now requires all massage teachers to hold a BS or Masters Degree. So I was graciously turned away... When I shared this with a dear friend, who also happens to be someone I think of as a mentor, she said... Well start your own damn school. And so, the adventure of creating a school for Integrative Energy Medicine began. There is a lot to do when starting a school. I got an LLC, am updated my website, updating my logo, writing curriculum, marketing, sharing, and BREATHING! While creating the new school brochure I had to write a little "blurb" about myself (as the "big shot founder" lol)and about about why attend this school... And this is what came forth: "I began my adventure in the healing world due to my own health issues and a desire to be more self aware of health options for myself and my family. As is the case for many who feel a calling to heal, I began to feel, hear and see things in my body and in the Natural world around me that made me question the current paradigm, the current accepted practices in western medicine. To answer my own questions I educated myself, worked towards many certifications and practiced paying attention to when I felt good and when I didn’t. After gathering lots of personal experiences in my own body, and tracking clients feedback I decided that it was time to shift that paradigm that so many had become “comfortable” with! At Sacred Waters you will learn tools to recognize the correlation between body, thoughts and feelings, the seasons and nature and your energy level, how your relationship to self and others plays a part in your health, how it feels when energy needs to be nurtured because it is depleted, and how to move it to create balance, you will learn practices that you can use for self and others to live a life with less “dis-ease” and more joy. You will learn the framework to be able to understand and share in a more specific way what the energy body is and how to decipher its messages. You will learn to trust your own intuition! Our Energy Body is brilliant. It holds all the answers we need to live a happy, healthy, peaceful, abundant life. Energy medicine has been used for thousands of years by our ancestors. We CAN manifest the life we truly desire. It IS possible to have a fluent “conversation” with our bodies, our intuition, and the Natural world that surrounds and supports us all. And We CAN help others to do the same. Now, don't YOU want to enroll?? Looking forward to sharing as this dream unfolds and would love it if you share this exciting new adventure that I am embarking on with anyone you know who has or wants to experience themselves as Energy!! xo, Janet
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Hot water with a slice of lemon. I feel this tonic sloshing in my belly as I gulp the sweet tart medicine of Grandmas secret tonic. She had a "fix" for all ailments, whether woes of the body or woes of the spirit, Grandma could tell you a remedy. Oatmeal, cooked for a long time with a spoonful of honey, a dash of wheatgerm, and a full handful of dried cranberries dates or chopped prunes. She said this would "keep you regular". No need for anything over the counter or prescribed by the "white coats" for her family. Warmed blackberry brandy for the occasional sore throat or sore mind from too much thinking. Elderberry syrup was another favorite. Gathering much to make little, no need for gluttony here. And ONLY LOCAL honey! Grandmas would sing to the bees, she told the bee keeper neighbors that it made her feel as if she was helping to keep their bees healthy and happy! I still feel like singing when I take a spoonful of honey warmed with fresh lemon juice and ginger for an achy chest or grizzly scratchy throat. And I wonder to this day, how did "WE" lose the wisdom of our ancestors?? Ponder that. xo
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Tonight I saw the movie August: Osage County. It was truly a heavy HEAVY movie. But the good thing about movies like that are that they cause the viewer to ponder, well ok, they cause THIS viewer to ponder. And while pondering, I ponder about not only this movie, but about my own patterns. Family patterns. And when we think we are doing better for our kids than our parents did for us, seeing that we all just did our best. Our best, which sometimes can be seen by others as not good enough... And then I ponder about how the Universe gives us snippets and thoughts and songs and books and movies and stories that help us see our own stuff. The stuff that we just don't see until we see it... So after the movie, my love and I were talking about patterns. Patterns of our selves, generational patterns going back through our families, patterns of our parenting, patterns of our relationships (current and past) and patterns of the future. We talked about cellular patterns, and how we "pass things down" from generation to generation. How we tell ourselves that we are different from those before us, and how we then go on to choose similar situations to learn from, just with different people... It is such a HUGE and fascinating topic. And one that if you are going to explore it is best to be gentle in the exploration with ourselves and others. To look at things from a lovingly detached perspective, like a witness, rather than the star of the show... With that being said, here is a story that came to me just a day ago. A story that started this whole thought thread... Grandma Marey: Marey with an E. My Grandma, who I saw not enough, but who left a lasting impression. I often wondered how she did it. Always smiling. She always had really good "spreads" of homegrown foods and soups when we visited. While Mom and Grandma talked we would run around and play, exploring the underground magic of the old house's front porch where she lived. The porch was falling apart, but it wrapped around the entire house and there were cool things, tools that we had never seen, and old furniture to be fixed, all stored underneath it. My younger brother James and I would play mostly, while my older sister read or played the piano, and for some reason I don't have any memory of my older brother Jeff playing with us at all. But what we would do all together was color. Grandma Marey with an E had a whole cabinet of crayons and coloring books, different kinds of papers, glue, sparkles, and different pieces of fabric for cool art projects. Grandma Marey with an E, who was taken from her Mother by the Sisters. Grandma Marey with an E, who was taught how to be a proper girl, who learned about Sunday school and pergatory. Grandma Marey with an E... E for everygreen, extraodinary, enriched, elated, eradicate, elusive, elective and exist. That E. As a kid I would make up stories about her life. She never talked about the past. Mom said it was because she didn't remember. She had had an "accident". And that was always the end of it. We always loved the crayons and paper best. Grandma Marey with an E encouraged us to draw or write about something we remembered from the time in between our visits. She would display our "creations" all over her house. Taped to the walls, magneted to the frig or metal file cabinet, or just laying out on her coffee table. I think after we all left she would go through them an piece together our lives, our joys, our traumas, or triumphs and it made her very happy. Grandma Marey with an E grew up in an orphanage. Not because she was orphaned, but because of her Mother's lineage. Grandma Marey's father had died early and her mother was deemed "not capable" to raise Christian children, and so the Sisters came, and her mother stayed, and there wasn't much discussion about how long, or why or when she would return. But Grandma Marey with an E went. She obeyed. She knew the "sin" of her mother. Grandmother Marey, not Mary like the Mother who was pure and holy, began forgetting who she was. She erased (an E word) herself. She did not exist, but to serve others. And she taught my mother how not to exist, and my mother taught me. And she didn't exist unless it was through others. She loved us so. She enticed us into telling her our dreams. Dreams, she said, was where we all could exist. Dreams were real. I will come to you in your dreams, hold onto your dreams, Be who you want to be in your dreams. And at the end of the day we would all pile into the station wagon and go home. And we would dream outloud, very noisy, lots of singing, lots of stories, lots of teasing... And the car ride seemed to make my Mom really quiet. Which I never really understood. But at Grandma Marey with an E's funeral I understood. We were part Indian. We were sinners. We did not exist. But I changed that pattern. I named my baby girl (who was born shorly after my Grandmothers death) Sara MAREY (with an E), and she exists, she excels, she enlivens, she excites, she has an E! And, to bring this whole story back around, my Grandmothers patterns were passed down to my me. And I chose many of the same lessons, and I also changed many of the lessons learned. And I am sure I taught my children things that I am not even aware of because we share energy. And energy is stored in cells. And we share cells. And we share cellular memory of a lineage that is filled with ceremony, and the earth, and beleifs that are far different than westerners, and a lineage that is filled with pain. Ancestral pain. May it rest in peace and transform with this generation. Namaste
Monday, January 20, 2014
I've been doing much pondering about life today. And one of the things that keeps coming up for me is "how do I create support and acceptance in my personal life, and my community. How can I raise my own vibration of joy and abundance, while being part of a community who does that too." These questions reminded me that... Everything in the Universe springs from the Source (which has many different names depending upon where you live and what your belief system is). The Source is undifferentiated energy. From the Source springs Yin and Yang and all of the "ten thousand things". I know that in order to be physical, we must posses the energy of Yin and Yang. When these two energies separate, we cease to be physical, and we return to Source. Manifest things we can see, feel and identify are condensed energy (which is tangible). The energy around us is usually intangible, finer, clearer, more energetic, less material, and often times not obvious to our senses. I KNOW that with practice we begin to sense the difference between these energies and we learn the language of the Self (capital S). I KNOW the continuum of energy to matter starts with an idea. An idea has a frequency. An energetic vibration. What we think and feel, we create. We create it to validate a belief, as either true or false to us, which either works to bring us joy or works to create suffering. I KNOW by learning to quiet the mind, and sense the body, we learn to tune into our own truth, the knowing we came here with, which is different for all beings... I KNOW this takes practice. I KNOW it is easier to stay committed to a practice when we have others participating with us on a regular basis. With that said, I am wondering if there are those "out there" who might want to join a gathering to learn and experience ways to sense energy, to find our authentic self, to make time to be quiet, and to learn how to be gentle with ourselves on this journey called LIFE. AND to be clear... exploring our internal landscape may not always be pretty; looking at the parts of ourself that the world may see as unacceptable can be scary and difficult. AND Recognizing those places within ourselves does not mean we need to respond from those places. Everything we hold is ours. We get to choose in every moment what works and what doesn’t. Question what doesn’t feel good. Celebrate what does feel good. Aim for balance of Yin and Yang. Learn to breathe deeply. If you are interested in being part of a gathering that will meet, celebrate, encourage, and raise each other up, please contact me. If there are at least 4 others, I would love to host the gathering. We can make it anything we want. We can incorporate food, We can incorporate wine (not too much...), we can (depending upon the size of our gathering) meet at different locations. Looking forward to it all!!!
Friday, January 3, 2014
Hello my dear friends, As some of you might know for the last few years I’ve been training and working with Cindy Black (Meridian Massage Institute and former co-owner of Fingerlakes School of Massage, my Almamater), learning so much about our energetic body and beginning to understand just how connected we are to nature and its cycles. After supporting her teaching of the Meridian Massage Certification program last summer I have felt a call to teach. I really want to teach about energy. Help human beings be more gentle with themselves and each other, help to share the amazing information I have learned over the years about health and wellness (which sometimes, ok ok most times, is very different than what western medicine has trained us to believe it to be). To be able to provide others with tools to be well in mind, body and spirit. So, as always, I followed that dream and applied to Finger lakes school of massage, to teach Energy Palpation. I was very surprised at the response I got. According to NYS regulations you need to have a BS or Masters degree to teach Massage. WHAT??!! Wow, is NYS F***ked up. In my opinion, this limits the massage education because as we all know, massage is way more than just muscles... Its spirit and energy and intuition and love. So I shared this with my dear friend Cindy, as she was one of my references and I so appreciate her insights and wisdom and heart. And guess what she said... Start your own damn massage school... SO, guess what, I am embarking on a journey... In 2014 I am going to jump through all the hoops of NYS and get the necessary acreditations and “approvals” to start a new massage school, This school will be very different from all the ones that I know of. It will teach all the required courses (A&P/Kinesiology, etc) but it will be very focused on the energy body. It will include courses taught by Shamans, It will host guest teachers (like Cindy Black, woo hoo), it will include classes in QiGong and will offer other tools for the students to find a path inward, because it is my belief that when we spend time turning into ourselves, we can create an outer world based more on heart and soul and love and divinity. Anyway, here are some of my thoughts about creating this new school. I would love any thoughts you might have, and if you are already an LMT and had particular things about massage school that you really really loved and wanted to know more about, and things that you felt were not really helpful, now is a perfect time to speak up! AND just to clarify... This is not to say that FLSM is not a great school, Because it is. It offers a great education and the teachers there are magnificent. But the school I want to create will be different. It will be Sacred. It will be Sacred Waters school of Massage and Energy Medicine... Ok, here are some ideas, add any you might have please: *Minimum age of 25 to get in - this allows for students to have experienced life past high school, making exceptions for extremely committed younger people. *No financial aid because that creates a million hassles - so keeping the cost lower than other places in the area - and that would be simple if I keep the administrative functions to a minimum (call in my 20+ years of being an executive secretary!). * By not taking student loans, I will not graduate people with major debt - either a person has the ability to manage it or they don't. Not having the ability to manage the money part means go to another school that will help you get into debt. I know that to be a successful LMT you have to be able to manage the money side, and that can start with managing money to pay for school. There has to be a dedication to the work beyond the sounds of "I can make $60 an hour- how cool!" * Complete the program in a year, rather than intensive format - this keeps things easier for everyone and differentiates the program from others. * Make the core of the curriculum energy or meridian based - this keeps it different and gives a solid foundation for beginning work. * Take the last two months or so to focus heavily - I mean very heavily, on the NY exam. This would free up space during the rest of the program to be in a more healing and intuitive space. * Cultivate the school as small, intimate, refined, "the real deal" place. It is great in part because it is small - no need to become a business mammoth, make the education the first priority and I know from experience that the money will be plentiful. It is a business yes, but it will be an educational-healing program first. So, thats about it. I wanted to share this with you because I really honor your thoughts and ideas! Thanks for listening and much love to you in the new year! Janet
Thursday, January 2, 2014
It is so interesting to me that sometimes I just can't see whats right in front of my nose. I hang on to someone or something because I think its "the right thing to do". Or, if I love them I need to continue to try to be in relationship with them. But recently I have had an awakening... My 16 year old step son, whom until the last 2 months was lovely towards me, has taught me a good lesson. He has been increasingly sarcastic and rude to me. He has been aggressive and "in your face" with his Dad. It has been quite a change and one that has been surprising to me and has been hard on my heart. So last week he blocked me and his Dad on facebook. Then when he came home from his Mom's house, we said it didn't feel good to us, and that it felt like he was trying to keep secrets or wanted to be able to share things with others that he didn't want us to know about. He didn't see it the same way, and began first by belittling us for our feelings, then by trying to make us feel like we were being ridiculous, then when we remained kind but clear with what this choice of his might produce from us, he said he didn't want us to know his business. Then he got very direct and told me that I was not his mother, and that he loved me, and because I was married to his father he would have to deal with me in his life, but that he didn't want me taking part in making any school decisions or trying to help him with any personal matters in his life. And that he wouldn't be made to feel guilty for his choice to block us on facebook. So, of course, I took a deep breath and let him know that we didn't want him to feel guilty, and of course it was his facebook page, but that by blocking us it felt like he was being dishonest with us. It didn't feel good to us, but that he could do what he wanted in that area of his life and that we would do what we wanted in our area of life. I share this because I want you to get an idea of the energy that was present, not because I believe there is a right or wrong in the situation, or that anyone needs to take sides... It surprised me that I felt so strongly about the facebook blocking. I mean really, its a virtual thing, its not real, right? Wrong. We are very much a virtual society and I am not sure about anyone else but I feel energy coming through loud and clear in emails, and on facebook. I have a knack of reading between the words, and FEELING the energy behind things. And what I felt was a cutting out. I felt there was a clear intention and message of disconnect. A very strong message. And so I needed to sit with myself and figure out what was the best way to respond. At first I was thinking of lots of ways, angry ways, to say fuck you (sorry for the graphic words, just being honest). I thought about turning off the internet, and disconnecting his cell phone (both of which I pay), and shunning him, but after I screamed these things to the trees I began laughing. And I thought, he is right, I am not his mother. I am not responsible for his education or his entertainment or his laundry or his meals. I am responsible to love him, like I would anyone else who had hurt, disappointed, or generally sent yuck towards me. And I got very clear inside myself that loving him did not mean that I would participate in any behavior or conversation that was ugly or hurtful. So, on new years eve I did a ceremony for us. I wrote down all my feelings and burned them. I asked the Universe to help us each see the other clearly while processing this change in our relationship. And I felt a weight come off my shoulders knowing that we would be fine. And that he would be fine. He has two terrific parents who are capable of being responsible for him, and I do not need to be part of that energy. So I say to him, to myself, and to his parents... Live long, live well, prosper, and do the best you can during these lovely teenage years of exploration and testing and pushing and figuring and trying on personalities that feel just right. Happy New year y'all!