Peace on Earth goodwill toward...

Merry Christmas Eve my blogging buds...
I have been having many conversations lately pertaining to male/female roles and attitudes in our society. Sooo, since I have been having these conversations I have also been paying attention to my words and my reactions to words. Some of them feel rather "big inside" of me, like when listening to a man talk about female anatomy using slang terms which hold an attachment of "yuck" to me. If you're gonna talk about it, please use the anatomically correct words, instead of those that degrade... When I witness (even from a distance) the degradation of anyone (just lately its been men towards women) if gets my blood boiling, and I need to take a step back, a deep breath and remember "but for the grace of (fill in the blank here) go I. If we can all remember to engage our hearts prior to engaging our mouths we would (hoping here) really live the energy of this season ~ peace on earth GOOD WILL TOWARD ALL!
Blessings on the road of discovery toward your best true self!
~ Janet ~

Tis the season...

Today I have been pondering the whole idea of giving. I recently witnessed a mother who promised a rather large gift to her child to get the child to make a choice about where he would live. And I heard someone in line saying "He better do xyz when he gets this, etc..." This got me to thinking about the act of giving (and the thought also included "lending"/giving money to family and friends). I have not always given with a free heart. I am guilty of having expectations of good behaviors for gifts ~ promises of "if you do this, you'll get that..."

As a parent I sometimes found it hard to think about my intentions before giving to my kids, and it can be even more difficult when the gift is for a partner or my Mom... But what I found is that if you give from your heart because you know it will make someone happy, then that should be the only expectation you have. And if you give because you think you have to, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment, heartache, anger, and ultimately suffering (for the one receiving too)...

Underneath all this rambling this is what has surfaced... This season I am not buying gifts, I am making things for my dear ones, and offering massage and energy services ~ Because it really is the thought that counts!!!

Sometimes you just gotta say WOW

Today as Jim, Sam, the dogs and I were outside playing (shoveling off the pond for ice skating, and clearing paths in the snow...) I had an "all of a sudden urge" to take the dogs into the woods. I stopped playing, looked at Jim and as our eyes met we seemed to know what the other was thinking... I told him I was taking the dogs into the woods, he said "yes I know and you will see something for me" and I knew he was correct. Its that feeling when you know something big is about to happen but you just don't know yet what it is... That's the feeling I had as I started on the path to the woods, stopped to ask permission to enter from the Grandmother tree, and headed into the woods. When I was almost to the upper field I "saw" a beam of light (almost like a lightning bolt, but smooth) and it stayed for a long time. When I got to where it had been, I saw a woman in a pinky peach dress and I heard the word magistrate. Puzzling, but I have heard more interesting things so I continued on my way with the dogs...

As I was nearing the end of our walk and descending back toward the house I saw through the woods what looked like three graves, but when I got closer I saw that in this reality they were posts to where the yurt used to be. And standing in the middle of the three "graves" as an old Indian man. He smiled at me, the dogs barked, I turned to call them and turned back and he was gone. It was breathtaking and peaceful and I knew inside of me that the three graves were mine, Jims and Sams and we have been on this land for many lifetimes and we will be here again.

The rest of the story was more private so I'll not share that yet, but it was brilliant and awe-filled and a little overwhelming, but its a gift to see it and feel it before IT is in this physical dimension, and as always, I am grateful and trusting!

So, all I can say to you my lovely bloggers is this: Take a walk in the woods today and expect surprises!! They will come if you invite them!!

Consistency for kids (4 legged and 2 legged)

So as you may be aware if you have been reading my blog since conception, in the last year and a half I have embarked on new family situation and living situation. With this new situation came another dog, an adolescent child and a new puppy... It has been interesting to say the least. We have really good times and then some really hard times and then we sometimes get to "coast". In this transition I have been focusing on the adolescent child's "behaviors", and forgetting the 4 legged adolescent child... And he has been reminding me lately that he is here, he is feeling pressure, and he needs some help knowing what's ok and what's not.

So, I being the loving mama, called my friend Juanita (who has rescued over 30 dogs in her lifetime, and who has been training dogs for over 20 years). After much discussion with all of us in the household she had some very wise tips about consistency, simplicity and energy (which was very important because sometimes hearing things from an "outsider" ~ someone who is not "in" the family it can be heard, absorbed, and implemented).

We agreed on the word to use to stop the whining, figured out that two times speaking to him was acceptable, and that after two corrections he would be isolated until the whining stopped. Then when he was quiet for a period of time we would let him enter the room again, tell him good boy, but not pay him too much attention. AND IT WORKED! We only needed to have two time outs and he has been a perfect gentleman the entire rest of the evening. No anger, no threats, no frustration, just simple and consistent! What a gift Miss Juanita Sunshine is! A true gift to my heart and my 4 legged kiddos!!

Hoidays

It amazes me at how so many folks put such pressure on themselves at this time of the year. Example #1:I have a friend who spent 12 hours (really, 12 whole hours) shopping for presents ~ which probably will be used for a total of 12 hours, and then for 12 months they'll have to pay for them... Why? Because it is their belief that if they find the perfect present for all their children and family then they are a "good" person. They can think of themselves as good, giving, caring, thoughtful, and loved. Example #2: One person I know gets so stressed out about the house being "spotless" that they yell and scream and have panic attacks if there is even a speck of dust on the shelves ~ and guess what, no one even cares if their house is spotless. All they want to do is hang out, watch football, have some drinks, and eat (and after a few drinks they can't see anything on the shelves anyway).

As you can see, I have my own issues with the holidays. This is the time of year that I get frustrated. Probably because I refuse to celebrate in the typical socially acceptable way... I choose to not have a tree, not buy gifts, not hang lights, and not run up my credit cards... And because I choose not to, I have a hard time when others who know I don't celebrate get me a gift and then expect one in return. OR is it that I feel guilty for not getting them a gift and it has nothing to do with them at all?? The point is, I am taking this holiday season to not be so stubborn about not celebrating... I will eat drink and be merry, without getting sucked into the gifts and money aspect. I will share friendship and make memories with those I love based on laughter and sillyness. I will not feel guilty when someone gives me a gift ~ I will choose to see it as coming from the goodness of their heart. AND I will practice being gentle with myself as I have suggested to many others!

So, happy holidays! May we all be abundantly blessed in whatever fashion that we desire! Cheers,
Janet

I am the One

Every other week I gather with a few very wonderful women and we write poetry. It has been an awesome experience for me. I am not educated to write poetry, I do not hold any kind of degree in English literature, but I am fortunate to have been raised by parents who believed the proper use of the vocabulary was imperative, and so we spent many hours learning new words and their meanings. On a side note, I also did this with my children ~ we would take out the dictionary and choose a word, see if we knew the definition and if not we read it, then we used it in a story, then we made up other words that sounded to us to mean the same thing...

So, back to poetry group... I have used poetry as an outlet for thoughts, imaginings, feelings, events, hopes and dreams, etc. for about 5 years ~ started as a way to explore the feelings I had while going through a divorce. I was amazed at what was inside and came out on paper. With prompts (the use of objects, photos, scents, words, magazine articles) I learned to sift through the muck in my mind and have clear concise points of release.

And tonight was no different. As we sat in front of the blazing fire, our prompts were photographs. I chose an Anne Geddes that seemed to jump up and land in my hand. And so I began to receive feelings from the photo. Then I felt like someone was whispering in my ear. So I asked ~ Who Are You? And I heard...

I am the one hidden in the roots, curled around the crevices of earth and wood, sleeping neatly in the spaces in between.
I am the one you laugh with and cry with. The one who holds your hand and covers your eyes to the world hidden beneath the surface.
I am the one that sits and valiantly protects the soft broken places, filling the holes with warm rain mud so the mending can begin.
I am the one gifted with wings to fly away and touch the night of dreams. Connecting our worlds of seen and unseen.
I am the one who came here with you, from birth through growth to death and decay.
and I am the one who remains.

It flowed so quickly and once it was recorded on paper the presence that I had felt whispering over my shoulder said good night. And I am the one who remains...

Attachment

In the last month of so, I have been learning a lot about attachments. Attachments to things, people, and expected outcomes of events. We all have attachments. I think its part of the human experience. In my world I see it as part of the lesson of earth school, how to practice loving detachment.

Even though this is not always a comfortable lesson, I have been fortunate to be learning this gently... Here's an example of what I mean: I ask for what I want, someone can or cannot respond the way "I want them to", I get disappointed, make excuses of why it should be the way I want it to be, they get frustrated with not being able to give me what I want, and blah blah blah so on and so forth... Now if I had already learned the lesson of loving detachment this event would have been much easier and would have looked more like this: I ask for what I want, the other person responds with "no that won't work for me", I then get to ask the question of "what will work" ~ again remembering the detachment piece ~ and we get to have conversation that makes the situation win win for both parties... Much gentler, right?! It might sound the same on paper, but the energy internally is very different. With the first interaction the heart races, the voices raise, feelings are hurt (you hurt me, blah blah blah), and no one is happy. The second way the heart may still race, but the energy remains grounded, no victim energy displayed, and everyone gets to imagine and create the event that works for them.

Maybe I think too much or over-analyze things (which has been the opinion of me in other relationships in my life), but for me its about figuring out where I am in relation to where I was, and where I am heading in relation to where I am in this given moment. Sounds simple in my head! But the internal landscape for me is always easier than the external one. I navigate well the "scapes" I know, while having to navigate other's "scapes" is always a delicate matter.

So, although I ramble on, it all comes back to attachment. Choose them, release them, move them about, and know that in the end its all an illusion anyway and at some point when its all over we will look backwards in time and get a good chuckle!!

Light and Dark

Been learning a lot about light and dark, yin and yang, and how everything is "something in relation to something else". This framework can be seen in many ways throughout our life here on this planet... AND we can't have one without the other.

So I post this photo to remind myself (and my blogging buds) about this concept. Light and Dark... No one is all light or all dark. We are a glorious combination of both, and we can choose either or in any situation. That's the gift of free will and life experience...

Until next time ~ Janet

A little chaos please..

Hello my bloggers... Been quite awhile since last I wrote... Life has been, shall we say, interesting... Growing pains all around in my little world. My partners 11 year old son has started middle school (aarghhh), my partner graduated massage school and got his license, and I have been completing my reflexology certification and trainings in abdominal meridian massage. Along with these events that felt so big (some exciting, some not so) I was still working and sharing the gift of massage and alternative healing work with clients, family and friends....

With all these changes life had become stressful. Spending way too much time doing things that needed to be done, and not enough time just being. My experience was that all the "doings" were creating disconnects for each of us. And when we are not connected in a spiritual energetic way the chaos of life can feel to me like holding onto a "live" wire and not being able to let go. Can you imagine how that would look??? Like one of those cartoons where someone picks up the fire hose and it wildly thrashes about and bangs into things until the water is turned off...

Well that's exactly how I had been feeling. BUT, I am one of the fortunate ones... I have many tools in my bag that I can use to "come back home" internally. To feel grounded in the midst of chaos. And all I keep hearing is "as the world changes, and energy shifts, most people will be going through some kind of chaos." So this little "bump in the road" was a gift ~ A way to experience the shifting and chaos personally so that I am able to support those around me in a loving way when they experience it... So bring it on Universe, but please remember I like my lessons with chocolate!

Missy Maloney, my first lost love

Today I had a very interesting experience with memory...
This morning Jim got the tractor stuck at the edge of the pond. Someone needed to sit on the tractor while the jeep pulled it out and since I was not comfortable pulling it out, I took the job of sitting on the tractor. As I was sitting on it as I took my foot off the brake to allow it to be pulled backwards it slipped a little forward first. Of course Jim had it all under control and seconds later the tractor was pulled away from the edge of the pond and I was safely off of it. But in that split second where it was slipping a memory slipped in, not just into my mind, but into my body.

The memory was of my best friend, my first love, who died at age 16. Her car went off a bridge and she drowned. Here's the part that was interesting. I had moved away a year before that and we had drifted apart ~ ya' know how it goes. You call alot at first then there are a few visits but then it stops. It stopped because our last visit I was very angry. I was angry because she had moved on with her life and was happy and I had been moved and was not happy. 6 months later she was gone. I didn't go to her funeral. I didn't even cry. I stuffed it...

Today all the emotions that were stuffed came back. It hit me blindsided. I didn't realize I had been holding so much anger and guilt. Anger that she left me (died) and I never got to say sorry. Guilt because I was angry at her for leaving. Lots of feelings that I was not even aware that I was holding.

So, the question I have is this... How many things happen to us on our journey here on this earth that we stuff that later comes out (when the just the right button is pushed) in yucky spewingness (I know, I know, not a word ~ but you know exactly what I am saying). And then the next question is how do we remember this lesson so that when someone else is feeling something that is painful so that we can hold the space of lovingkindness. That's the test. Holding the space of lovingkindness through the "stuff" that is being released, even when we are not aware that we are releasing stuff...

To end this post I say Thank You to my friend Missy Maloney who taught me about love and friendship and death and pain. She will never be forgotten in my heart.

Shamonic Journey with Elizabeth

She appears as the drum beat begins
the body's syncopation
Eager heart question not
As the eagle sits
on her unharmed arm

Take flight, receive, imagine, believe
Guidance whispered kindly "Stand Firm"
Whipping wind washing
memories of want
as the talons sink deep
into un-pained flesh

Stand firm
Stand firm
Stand firm

Sweet is the fruit that is planted in love, watered with kindness, warmed by a smiling sun and picked by a grateful hand. Endless shades and possibilities exist for each blossom to grow into. Treat yourself and your life as if it is the most bountiful tree in the orchard.

This to me is a most beautiful sentiment, and I believe it to be 100% true.

If we all could think of ourselves as the most beautiful tree in the orchard we wouldn't fall into the trap of comparison and labels. Comparison to others is a sure way to reduce yourself to the lowest common denominator, and then you create a label (I am...) to really reduce yourself.
I know it can be difficult to remember how special we each are, especially when commercials and advertising are letting us know how good we could be if we only purchased (x,y,z)... Do we really need things or do we want things. Can we survive on less? Will we be viewed as "less" if we HAVE less? I say the less I have the less I need. If I only have to pay $1500 a month to live (mortgage, food, car, etc.) then I only have to work for 40 hours a week... That gives me LOTS of play time, and when I play I create the vibration of joy, and when I am joyful I see myself as the most beautiful tree in the orchard, and when I create that vibration, I call to myself more resources to do what I want to do!

So my question to you today is: How can you live on less so that you can have (internally, in your relationships, in your community, etc.) more?

The acorn that we all are

This weekend I was in the presence of like minded loving individuals, playing and learning and experiencing Chi!!
While experiencing the question was raised about an acorn and what do you see when you look at the acorn... I see a seed, and potential, and the beginnings of beautiful strong oak tree! Then we were asked to see all those we come in contact with as the acorn and I thought to myself, what a concept, if all of us could do this more than not.

I do it in my practice of bodywork and energy therapy, but once in a great while I get stuck in seeing someone for where they have been and what they have done (to me sometimes, and sometimes to others) and I sit in judgement. So, my pledge to myself is this... to become more aware of when the non-acorn thinking is happening and to pause, take a moment to redirect my thoughts, and to see them as the beautiful strong oak that they are ~ no matter where they are on their path...

Thanks to all those who spent the time talking, working, and pondering about the possibilities of life! Be well!

Under the sea she lives

This past week has been interesting to say the least... I have learned many many lessons about following my own rules, being okay with letting go of a group of lovely individuals who are not in sync with my vibration, and being non-judgemental about them vs. me, or vice versa... All IS well! We are all free! This was the line of thought that was running through most of my interactions, thoughts and feelings as I sat down to write this morning with two amazing women poets!
Here's one of the poems that came through ~ Enjoy!

Her own rules

Under the sea she lives
diving, swimming, coming up for air
through the thick thoughts of others
whose minds are fertile with the
imagined story of her life.

Under the sea she lives
Sacred dance unseen powers
experienced waters attune to
the internal rhythm of the self.

Under the sea she lives
Upstream the witness revels in the
timely severance of the current
release expected response
bathe, purify and forgive
the unserving patterns of the pack.

Under the sea she lives
Under the sea she lives
Under the sea

~Janet, 6/12/2010

spiritual parenting group

So dear blog friends, topic today is parenting... This has been in the forefront of my life ~ really in a big way ~ for the past few weeks. I am being given the opportunity to parent again and it is amazing how much energy this takes out of a human being when done in a good and loving way...

As you know, I believe we all do the best we can with what we know, so I wonder if we know better and there is a place to go to learn more, would we be able to collectively shift the energy of our school aged children? I have been processing this thought... Mulling it over you might say... Dreaming about it, reading about, asking for guidance about it, etc. I have also had a number of friends and clients bringing the topic of parenting out into the open for honest conversation.

So many of us have such full lives ~ overflowing at times ~ and it is our parenting, our connection with those young ones in our lives that tends to frustrate and put us "over the edge"... "I've tried everything and nothing works", "I just can't take it anymore", "Wish I could just take a break and breathe" are a few of the sentences other parents have used to describe their frustration and tolerance for teenage behavior. I have had those moments myself recently and I remember feeling that when my kids were teens and tweens.

One of the things that helped me stay grounded and keep me from taking my frustration out on my children as they were teens "trying on different faces" to see which one's fit best was this: A Mom's group. There were a group of us Mom's who got together once a month, did a dish to pass, and openly chatted about our parenting oooppsses and triumphs and then helped each other see another way of handling situations based upon our own experiences. Sometimes the information shared was not helpful for me personally but it was always helpful for someone in the group. We supported each other. We knew each other. We were there as back up daycare, as emergency transports to school events, as people in the community that our children felt safe going to with questions or when they needed help and just couldn't talk to their own parents. It was a safe haven this wonderful group of Mom's. It gave me a connection to other parents and helped me not feel crazy... So many times things seemed so BIG and yet when taken and aired out they were put into perspective and felt manageable.

I would like to take this Mom's group a step further. I would like it to be a parenting group that no one person runs, that all are committed to, and that is based on creating sacred space for parents and positive influence for kids. Sooo, if you or someone you know is interesting in co-creating a space for spiritual (not religious) parenting, please let me know. Would love to hear your thoughts and feelings on the subject. Until next time, may you be filled with love and all your dreams manifest into physical reality!! xo

Reflexology Certification Begins

Been a few months since I have delved into the books, so I have been guided to begin the process of reflexology certification. The practice of reflexology sheds a fascinating focus to the practitioner on the understanding of human health. The condition of the human foot is a reflection of the status of all the major body systems: skin, musculoskelatal, secretory, nervous, and circulatory. It can offer another way of pain control and stress releif that has been tried throughout centuries. Our health care "system" is re-discovering methods which were applied hundreds of years ago (reflexology) and are now coming "back to life" so to speak...

I have been practicing reflexology since 2004, but have only been incorporating it into sessions. Now, with this new advanced knowledge I will be able to do a whole hour of reflexology. In this program that begins June 13th and ends the end of October, I will form a totally new relationship with feet.

Preparing for this upcoming training has brought lots of attention to my own feet. I recognize how much they do for me ~ and I don't say thank you enough! Soooo, thank you feet, thank you for carrying me through this world, thank you for allowing me to stand upright, thank you for taking a beating with shoes that make you sweat, and shoes that are too tight and shoes that are too high and shoes that are too...

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Shaman Journey to the upper world

This weekend I was fortunate enough to participate in an introduction to Shamanism with Shaman and teacher Cecile Carson, M.D. In this workshop we got to "dive into" the world of Spirit (also known as non-physical reality or non-ordinary reality). What fun! What joy! Yes, another tool in my carpet bag (as mary poppins says). We were introduced to different ways to journey, different reasons why you would journey, and then got to journey for another in the class... In Journey work there are three "worlds", the upper world, the lower world and the middle world (which is very much like our physical reality world).

With that "tip of the iceberg" information I thought I would share one of my journeys from the weekend... here goes:

This is a journey to the upper world to ask for a spirit helper ~ an entity that will accompany me on my journeys and who I can call upon for help with divine guidance!

I started out expecting to travel to the upper world on smoke from a fire, but as the drum began beating Mucca (my dog) appeared and she had wings (like the dog from the never ending story) and I climbed on her back and we flew into the clouds... When we reached the upper world I had the sensation of being cold in my body and as I opened my eyes there was nothing, empty space, and we continued to fly in the empty space. Then Mucca "spotted" something and landed (in the empty space that seemed to be empty but solid ground). When I climbed off her back Richard Dawson from family feud appeared and he smiled and pointed into the haze which seemed to draw to us a large wheel that turned out to be "the wheel of fortune". Under each "peg" that would be hit to make the "flap flap flap" sound was a seed. And as he turned the wheel and the marker hit the peg a seed would pop off and in very fast motion implant into the nothingness, grow very fast and out of the top of each plant would open and a little person would jump out. So as the little people were being planted and jumping out I was asking "are you my spirit guide" and they would not respond just fade into the haze. After a few turns of the wheel a white seed was planted and as it grew the stem was like morticia's dress (from the Adam's family) only it was white and a beautiful woman was appearing at the top and she was trying to wiggle out of her dress/plant and she finally stopped and looked at me and winked. She was a white lily (I could actually smell lily). She opened her mouth and beautiful music began to stream forth. She was singing but it sounded like the song of a whale and as I was feeling it in my body the drum beat changed and it was time to "come home" to physical reality. So I climbed back onto Mucca's back and descended very quickly and she "deposited me" at my front door and the journey was over...

So much information, lots more than I expected... I connected with a helping spirit (lily), and also was reminded that reality is moving very quickly, and the pegs represented thoughts and as the thoughts are touched they grow and become and some stay planted and others grow and move on. Mucca coming solidified our relationship and when I got home I thanked her for her service and she seemed to know exactly what I was talking about!!

Ahh, what a great weekend it was indeed!

As I Try

I have a lovely client who is a most amazing poet and writer who shared a poem with me that was written after our first session together. It is a reminder that we all hold "things" within us that we hang onto until we are ready to release. Bodywork / energywork are wonderful tools that can help us human beings let go of that which no longer serves us so that we can become the person we came here to be ~ our authentic self!

Because this touched my heart so that I asked if I could share it. Now a few years later I am sharing it. This is not my story, but I am honored to be holding space with/ for/ and around this beautiful human being who is a light to many! ~~~

As I try to find my higher power
I hear the masseuse ask if I was
ever hit in the head.

"you mean was I beaten as a child?"

No, no (visibly disconcerted) I mean, were you ever in an accident, did you ever have a head injury?

I want to tell her that I just left my wife
of 29 years, or explain the chronic, odd
dyslexic challenges I have recently
discovered, thinking these seemingly once
precious facts about me might answer her
question, but all of it seems to ruin
the aromatic lavender vapor that is deep
in my sinus-even my question about beatings
seems flightless and threatens the inner calm
she has just helped me reach.

I notice that her face is angelic-it is a face you
could swim in on a warm day in Belize-all fresh
and unused just like the pictures in National Geographic.

and your throat and the area around the heart seems constricted, like you want to say something and can’t get it out.

I think about my stifled inner child and my constant need
to express myself with words
and wonder how on earth
my body, in such a relaxed state
could betray me this way.

I want to tell her that I am trying to find my Higher
Power and then she gives the final report; the middle meridian (the pelvis area) and everything below doesn’t have much energy flowing through it.

you seem to be disconnected from your source power which flows from your feet up into the body, (she gestures generously and with love) and adds; but that is probably a factor of all that lower back pain

and I think, no,
that’s not the only reason.

My boys

Quite a few months ago (almost 10) I posted that "I am surrounded by male energy" and it was interesting how much I needed to "girly up" my surroundings so that I could remain grounded in my new home. Since then lots of things have happened... We have a female iguana and more delicate decor that helps me feel like home. Now that it is summer I find that the male energy that I was so struggling with is energizing me. I get to "be a boy"... playing outside, catching frogs, hanging with the boys, exploring the creek, catching snakes in the garden, and so much more. It isn't that these activities are "just boy" activities but I thought of them as such and so they were without me even being aware of it. With that said, I thought I would post a photo of my boys and share all of their maleness with y'all!

Telling your story

Yesterday I attended a fabulous workshop~Don Miguel and Don Jose Ruiz, speaking about the Five agreements. It was so beautiful and reminded me that we are all "Angels in Training". What a beautiful thought, huh. Angels in training! What that says to me is that everything that we do, think, feel, experience, is part of our training. It is necessary. And it will be used to meet the goal of becoming an Earth Angel. All we need to do is WAKE UP. Use the training as a stepping stone to release the past, give thanks for the learning, and see this amazing moment ~ right now ~ as the beginning of the future. And then see this amazing moment ~ right now ~ as the beginning also... And so on.

In our workshop we had the opportunity to release an old story. Don Jose told us a story about how some humans go out into the forest and collect their food, and when they get it home it is rotten, but they put it in their bowl, mix it up and eat it. Then they get very sick. But they wrap up the left overs and put them in their pocket. Later they are hungry so they take out the left overs and eat them ~ again ~ even though they know that it made them sick, but its all they have. And this continues until they learn that they need to gather new food so that they are not poisoning themselves (key word themselves) and that they throw away the left overs... He told it so beautifully and please forgive me if I didn't have it exactly right, but this is the "jist" of it for me... So in our exercise we took some time to think about the stories we tell about ourselves and how they are really only lies given to us from others. And I released the story of the men who have been in my life and who have seen me in a certain way (body image), and I embraced freedom, financial freedom and freedom to see myself (all of myself) beautiful and perfect. Felt wonderful! So I end this with my affirmation of: I am love, I give love, I receive love, I believe in love, I am always becoming love, it is never ending, always flowing, and perfect in every moment! And so are you!!

Blue flame of Spirit

And she'ssss backkkk...
Been a little while... life has been busy with the arrival of spring. Yard work, "mucking" out the inside~started a raw food diet~and walking in the woods reconnecting to the life around me!

Yesterday I had the privilege of participating in a shamanic journey with my friend Sue. I won't share her experience because its hers, but here is what I experienced.

When doing a journey you begin by setting the intention and asking a question so that spirit can guide you to the answer that is beneficial for your life path. The question we asked was "What is the meaning of the dream (a dream I had which included she and I) and what do we need to do together":

My journey begins with us sitting together around a fire, but not a fire made with wood, it is a fire of red hot rocks and as I remember I can feel the heat on my face and see the reflection in Sue's eyes. As we are connecting across from one another at the fire, we "open a door" in our midsection (looked kindof like a pot bellied stove) and inside there is a blue flame. The blue was very "other worldly" and was not hot like the fire but cool like water. Then we close our doors and I feel like I am a chimney and the blue flame rises up and out of the top of my head (the crown chakra) and dances with Sue's flame which is also rising. We intertwine and become the flame on a hot air balloon. The balloon "takes off" and fly's over many lands. The land below is green and lush and I feel like I smell earth... We float over to a cliff~its very grassy like a meadow~and we "land" the air balloon. We release the flame into our physical bodies which have "been along for the ride" and we open the door in the basket of the air balloon and walk to the edge of the cliff. I feel such peace and connection at this point and I feel myself coming back into my physical body as we witness the water below us. We pay attention to the waves and the life within the water and we are laughing. The drum stops (oh yeah forgot to mention that during a journey the shaman drums~its the vibration of the drum that carries the spirit to the answers of the journey) and I feel myself "land" inside myself. I am smiling. I know I don't need to "Do" anything... I just need to follow spirit and allow the joy within to guide the path that Sue and I are preparing to walk together.

keep your eyes open there's sharks in them there waters

This week has been, as usual, fabulous! I had one BIG lesson this week and one smaller lesson and boy were they eye openers...
Yesterday, as I was dropping off my daughter at her father's house, she said "Mom, come in, I need you to help me find my brown belt" and since her father was not home I thought it would be fine~ya'know trying not to infringe on his space and all... And it was fine... but when we got into her room she had lots of photo's sitting on her bed and as we were chatting I was looking through them and noticed that there were a number of them that her father had given to her that were of us when we were married and working hard on our future ~ bought land together and planned on when she graduated moving up there, living off the land, and being self-sufficient, with me doing massage, etc... Made me feel so sad. Really sad. All those dreams, and the photos of us working together brought it all right to the forefront. Then I realized that when I thought I was being the good ex-wife and not wanting to go into his (used to be ours) house to infringe, I was really avoiding the feelings of sadness that come for me when I see stuff that used to be ours, which is not anymore, and stuff that was never there, and belongs to someone else (who, by the way is quite perfect for him) placed very comfortably among the old belongings...
Wow, epiphany... The feelings I had at that moment were not nice, like a shark swimming in the water, who could bite hard... Could this be how Jim's ex feels? Could this be why even though she is very much moved on, when she returns to the house where they were building their future and working hard to make plans that she gives me the cold shoulder? Hummmm... Could it be?

Anyway, the other lesson was this... One of my clients shared with me that she made some choices when her child was younger that she HAD to make (or die, ya' know the kind of life choices I mean) and has now had a most loving conversation with her adult child letting him know that she was sorry that her life choices caused him so much pain and that if she could she would take away the pain, but she cant and she is so very sorry... And they are working toward a relationship, and it is hard for her because he sounds so angry (like his father) and what I thought when she left was this... I will never ever say anything negative about Jim's ex to their son. I will hold the space so that when he grows up he will make his own decisions about his mother, and I would hate for her to suffer like my client is suffering. All life choices are up to each individual person and they live the consequences, and it is not up to me to "make" it a certain way, just to hold the space and know that we all the do best we can at all given moments.

Prioroties

Sure has been awhile... Things have been pretty busy here! Working on a new "healing offering" for clients, seeing clients regularly, being a partner, mother, daughter and friend, and letting the rest of life's "responsibilities" go...
With that said, I have been a bit lax on my housecleaning "duties" which are only duties in my own mind (as I'm sure most of you understand). So this morning I decided to take a 2 hour walk with one of my lovely friends instead of doing the dishes, folding the clothes, or making the beds...
And wouldn't you know it, we get company... And company that I am not always happy about because everytime this "company" shows up she spews yucky energy. I feel it, I see it emminating from her eyes and facial expressions and body language. So today when she walked through my house with her nose in the air and that "look" on her face of disgust I was at first angry... Then I thought to myself (bad word here) you, this is my house, and I CHOOSE to spend time with people who I love and who fill me with joy, rather than have a spotless house that takes up lots of time and with a 10 year old in the house just gets messy again... There, I said it. I don't clean my house as often as I was "taught" was appropriate and necessary. There, I let it go ~ Mom, I don't need this belief anymore. There, its done!
Ahhh, what a relief! Tata for now, gonna go... and not to clean my house!

Memories and dandelions

Memories, the need to know, why and for who? Me? Does it matter? That is my question today, does it really matter and will it change who I am right now... Will it influence my life positively? Will it help me discover parts of myself that are deeply buried or is it someone elses memory given to me?

I keep hearing the song from Hocus Pocus where Whinny (the eldest witch sister) is trying to recall a spell and her other sisters are singing/chanting to her "Remember, whinny, remember" and I substitute my name: "remember, Janet, remember"... Hummm, still it is not coming. The memory belongs to someone else. I don't even feel attached to it, no cellular memory what so ever of the event that has been revealed to me by another.

I see the world like this: We are all in our own universe that we create, like a bubble from a child's bubble machine, large enough to fit ourselves and all of our life experiences. And then I think of this memory and wonder if I don't have it because it is in someone elses bubble, and did I immerse myself in their bubble and then expell into another, and another, morphing into others universes until I don't have my own bubble per se...

Where is the energy of Janet, not my name but my being ME. Labels and names being put in a neat little box and then up on a shelf or being like a dandelion and having someone else hold it and blow~watching the seeds catch the wind and spread and scatter... pieces of me that I need to call home. Parts that need to come home, looked at, loved, and then melted into the me that is today. Yes, that feels right. Particles floating around the universe coming home to roost. And as I write this I hear the rooster reminding me its morning, another new day, another new beginning another awakening and another chance to be the best me I can be!

Family and Aging

Family. What a beautiful word and idea... I have been fortunate, I have learned many many MANY lessons from my familial lineage, some things challenging, some things beautiful, all things that I called to myself to help me on my path!

This past week has been full of family. Time with my parents, time with my daughter at college and today time with my son and daughter-in-law. These beautiful human beings are all evolving and becoming and learning just as I am and it is such a gift to be part of the process...

The time with my parents was happy and sad because I know as they age (and they are aging ever so gracefully I might add!) they are nearing the end of their time on this planet in their earthly bodies. Of course they have not slowed down and this I am grateful for and learn from... they swim everyday, volunteer and are active socially in the retirement village that they chose to live in. They chose it because it has three "stages" of living available~independent, assisted living, and nursing care.

Mom and Dad told us kids that "they don't want to be a burden" to us, and they don't want us to "give up" our lives to care for them. Wow, I think to myself. I WANT my children to care for me at the end of my time on this planet. I want to share my thoughts and my wisdom on a daily basis. I want to be able to wake up in the middle of the night with an "aha" moment and share it with them. I want to be share memories with them about their childhood. I want to have them holding my hand if I get scared. And all of these things that I imagine for myself in "old age" I feel like I will be missing this with my parents.

I have chosen to honor their wishes and understand that everyone thinks differently, but I also sometimes feel sad that I will miss those moments of wisdom ~ and talking on the phone just is not the same as physically being connected ~ holding hands, rubbing their feet, etc... With this knowledge I made a commitment to myself: I will travel to see them at least every 6 weeks so that I CAN stay physically connected! I will bring my table and do bodywork, and touch them and love them and share my gifts with them, and they in turn can share their wisdom with me!

And so I rambled on but I leave you with this thought... We are ALL going to age. We are ALL going to have to make choices. We are ALL going to look back on our lives and make peace. And we are ALL going to move on. May you love the life you create and never look back with regret!

Empty Nest

Been thinking about my kids a lot lately! I always do, but it seems like lately there is a "tug" that is happening often. Yesterday I found an old photo of my kids when they were little and boy oh boy I was instantly right back there ~ taking the picture ~ thinking and feeling how lucky I am!

My children taught me (teach me) so much about life and love and forgiveness and patience and boundaries and acceptance and grace and ... So, as I sit here I know I don't have an "empty nest" but I am feeling the spaces where they are not. The breakfast chatter, the "Mom, can you ..." and "Mom, I gotta tell you something that happened..." and "What would you do Mom" and it is heavy on my heart... Its probably why I had a dream last night that I had a heart attach. It was fascinating~I witnessed it and didn't feel fear, just the thought that I wouldn't be here for my kids. And, when I awoke my ribs and chest hurt and I had that "tug" to hold my children and reassure them that I love them, am SO proud of them, and will always be connected to them!
So, before I close, I urge you to (if you have children) to love them, love yourself, and appreciate the time together!

Water, The Rune of Laguz

This morning I chose the Rune for "flow", which symbolizes water and all that is associated with the ebb and flow of water... emotions and unseen powers that nourish, shape and connect.

It seemed fitting to me that "flow" jumped into my hand since there is so much snow and it just keeps coming, and as I am outside in the snow, it lands on my nose and melts into water...

This Rune also speaks to the intuitive or lunar side of one's nature, which is also fitting since Sunday is a full moon and much energy is being kneaded, squished, fluffed, pounded, flattened and reshaped~all leading to the full moon and releasing that which no longer serves us. So many folks are sharing with me that they are traveling in dreams~"weird" dreams abound.
Mine have been all about relationships (water), past and present~some have ended and I am saying goodbye and thank you, and some are just beginning and I am learning many things about what I desire in any relationship.

The one theme that seems to be "flowing" through all of my dreams has to do with power~who has it, who wants it, what is it and what is the power of standing in your own authentic being and saying yes or no with passion for YOURSELF! I have graciously received many lessons having to do with power and the what I am reminded by the Rune of water is this... You can stand in your own "knowing" of yourself and your desires, and still be kind and gentle with others. Words and actions that hold the intention of Love, whether they are what someone wants to hear or not, always are received well. Words and actions that are said with the intention to hurt, even if you SAY you don't mean any harm can be felt also. I try to always do a self check before I have a "hard" conversation that has to do with power. If I am feeling "mean" or "ugly" about something (and you all know that feeling~that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach...) I don't share it. I breath and ask myself if I were to be receiving this information how would I be able to "hear it" without reacting to it. Then I wait until I feel peace and calm in my heart before I proceed. And sometimes it takes quite awhile, and sometimes I can do it instantly...

Here is a saying that has helped me many times to call that peaceful feeling into myself:

I bathe myself in generosity, appreciation, praise and gratitude for my fellow beings; reminding myself to always look for self acceptance and enlightened understanding of my life experiences, and to share only that which is filled with light.

Now that I have rambled (what can I say, it is about water and flowing...) I end with sending light to you my blog followers! May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you, guide your way on! xo

What's that buzzing sound?

Good morning beautiful blog followers! And, what a glorious day it has been!
It all started this morning (after a very interesting evening of dreams and communication with other beings) when Jim shared with me some interesting information. Over the past six months on many occasions he has mentioned a "buzzing" that hears when we are sleeping ~ it wakes him up in the middle of the night... So, last night when it happened he focused and paid attention. What was happening was pretty cool! I was "moaning" and "mummbling" and the buzzing sound was surrounding me. So he listened closer and he said it was like lots of "conversations" (voices) that were creating a buzzing and it appeared to him that we were in conversation. I know that I travel when I sleep and usually I set an intention before I shut down ~ whether it be for me or for someone else ~ and I always "know" in the morning what the answer to my questions are.

After that information was shared I thought to myself... hummm its the syracuse psychic fair today and we should go! So we had breakfast at the Dryden Hotel where Sam met up with some of his friends and was invited to go bowling (boy is he lucky~he almost had to go to the psychic fair with us!). So off we went to syracuse for a few hours of fun! Jim had a reading by Rev. Corbie Mitleid which he said answered MANY of his questions and I had a spirit painting by Sandra Fioramonti and then my palm read by Georgia (Libraservices). Georgia, who generally does 15 - 20 minute readings was so excited by my palm that she ended up doing 45 minutes and didn't charge me extra. She said had lines that she rarely sees and one that she has never seen. All in all she confirmed what I have known for a very long time. I'm special! (hehehe). Really what the reading did for me was validate what I hear when I work and dream and love~that its all energy and that I am an open gateway and information comes and sometimes I share and sometimes I don't. She said my biggest challenge is that this: I practice unconditional love with others, I easily forgive others, I easily love others, and I am very hard on myself. I think this is a truth for many folks that I know, but I have been practicing otherwise. Been doing mantras for gentleness for myself, practicing kundalini yoga and giving myself lots of time to breath!

With all this high frequency energy "buzzing" around here it is sometimes hard to find quiet space inside my head. BUT, I am doing it, I am committed to being kind to myself and know (not believe because knowing and believing are two different things) yes KNOW that I am on the right path, I am always divinely guided and I am always learning ~ and as my friend Rhonda so eloquently stated I am a LERT (Alert!)!!

blogging comments

So, as you can see there are a few blogs that I follow (pretty regularly I might add) that I have tried to leave comments on and I type up my feelings and choose my identity and hit post comment and my comments disappear... If you, my faithful blog followers, are having these same difficulties~ of course that would mean that you can't post on my blog~ please send me an email so that I try to figure this whole thing out...

janet@fallcreekhealingcenter.com

Love and kisses! Muah!

Avatar, incorporate and assimilate new energy

Sure has been a while since I last blogged... Its because I saw Avatar last week and have been working at letting the energy settle in my body... If you haven't seen it, I HIGHLY recommend that you do, it is the way of the new world...

So, here's the rest of the story: I wasn't going to see Avatar, had no interest, don't usually like "cartoony" type of movies, and it is a looooonnnngggg movie, but Jim and I had a kid free evening and he had been talking with lots of folks at school who were very moved by it so we decided to go. Five minutes into the movie I began to shake uncontrollably (almost like after my accident when I was in shock ~ that's the best way for me to articulate the feeling). I shook the entire movie and when we got home I felt like I couldn't move or speak. Something happened. I was seeing "trails" when I moved my hands ~ kind of like an acid trip for those folks from the 60's who can understand that experience. Jim and I went to sleep holding each other, both knowing that SOMETHING HAPPENED in that movie.

The next morning we both talked about our experience and it was amazing because we had similar experiences. We both knew that vibrationally we had shifted, and were incorporating new energy which would need some time to assimilate into the "old" energy. And this has been happening. Conversations with others about nature and how nature speaks to us and when we connect to nature we begin to have a different way of being in the world. Conversations about war, rightness or wrongness not withstanding, but feelings about it. There is one place in the movie where the main character (who is emotionally very young and inexperienced in the new world) has to kill another creature. His soon to be partner helps him get out of a dangerous situation and in the end of the skirmish he is "pumped up" and thanks her for being part of the killing... She on the other hand is crying and angry at him because the event was unnecessary. The killing was wasteful. He doesn't "get it". He sees the situation from a totally different paradigm.

As the movie progresses, and he becomes "awake" he understands... He sees that the Universe doesn't take sides, just keeps the balance. He begins to have a relationship with the other living beings in the new world (animals, plants, etc.) and death as he has known it is just another way of being and everyone is connected to the past and the future. WOW, what a concept. This has been my reality for quite a long time and I thought I was "weird, but in a good way" ~ like Sara says. Since experiencing Avatar my senses are keener, my heart is more open, the connection to other realms seems to be changing (not sure exactly how yet, but the knowing is there), and I so desire that everyone in this world sees it, and incorporates the new energy into their way of being in the world. Creating Pandora (thats the world or Avatar), one vibration at a time!

Needing the Connection

Today was supposed to be a very busy work day for me. I was booked from 9am thru 7:30pm. So, this morning when Sam woke up and he was a bit grumpy and tired and said he didn't feel good we said he needed to go to school. He spoke to his father and then later in the morning asked me how I was feeling and if I wasn't feeling well either (maybe trying to get a compadre to commisserate?). Anyway, he wasn't sick ~ no fever, headache, aches or pains, runny nose, watery eyes ~ nothing. Just tired and grumpy. AND I was not about to change MY plans for the day... after all I was booked and he had a weekend filled with friends spending the night (up late) and sledding all day and go go go, which is why he was tired anyway.

Of course, sometimes our stubborn ego's don't win... As Sam was leaving he made it a point to let me know how much he didn't feel good and said he understood that he had to go to school even though he didn't feel good and he wished he could just go back to bed. I was still on that I'M NOT CHANGING MY PLANS theme...

Jim and Sam were at the bottom of the driveway waiting for the bus and I heard "bring him back, bring him back, bring him back..." What don't you understand --- "BRING HIM BACK". What could I do ~ I know that when I hear something I listen even though I may not understand or even really want to soooo I brought him back.

I had to call all my appointments and let them know that I had a sick kid at home and did some juggling with time, etc, and each one of them said what a coincidence it was that I was calling them because they had suddenly had something come up (illness, car issues, wrote the wrong date on the calander, forgot about another appointment at the same time) and they would need to reschedule too! Of course, what else would I expect ~ again, what part of bring him back don't I get?

With all that said, Sam sat and listened to me juggle and reschedule and when I was done he said "wow you had to reschedule a lot for me... (sigh) why did you do it?" and I said what any "Mom" would said "I may not be your Mom, but I love your Dad which means that I love you... and that's what you do when you love someone". This actually got me a half hug and an interesting heart connection that had not been there moments prior.

Sam rested for the morning and then he had energy and HAD to go to the creek. It was fascinating watching him, I could almost see the creek calling to him and he had a physical reaction, like a pulling of his body toward the creek... We just had to go see it. So we did.

We walked the creek, took some photos and a video, noticed all the tree branches, and things floating, the beaver hill in the middle, the way the weeds moved differently than the trees, how different areas had "white caps" and other areas looked almost still... It was awe filled.
Then later on we built a little bonfire by the pond and "roasted" tater tots (can you imagine !!) and he told me stories and we talked about how hundreds of years ago the only thing people worried about was where was their next meal coming from and how could I stay sheltered from the elements. Much more to that conversation but I can't even begin to articulate the imaginings of this beautiful boy.

The day ended and he went to bed, and I got a hug and then a little elbow to the side and that amazing smile that says "thanks for a great day, you're not so bad...".
And ya know what, I would do the entire day again in a heart beat, I can't remember a day so perfect in quite some time and I am going to sleep with more love in my heart than I started with. Kudo's to me for listening! Kudo's to Sam for being Sam, Kudo's for Jim for bringing him back!

Broom fell, company's coming

Boy it sure has been a while since I have been sharing my life with you. This is because my new website was being worked on and ~ viola ~ it is done!!! I am so happy with the site and all the new things that are happening in my life! Last night someone said to me, "you should write a book, because your life is so not an ordinary life". I was honored that this person who generally appears to be a black and white thinker noticed that being different was kindof cool... Did our conversation inspire her? I sure hope so!

There, now on to the company's coming... If you have been reading my blog then you know the story of Elizabeth. Well last week a friend and I had breakfast together and she told me an amazing "WOW" story. She said that my blog popped up on her phone to the entry about Elizabeth. She said she had never been to my blog, so it was strange how it just "appeared". Then she asked me if I was aware of who Elizabeth is... I chatted about how I feel that she is part of who I have been in the past and that we are very connected energetically. Then I described what she looks like to me, and my friend said "Elizabeth is my mother... (she crossed a number of years ago) and she (her mother) came to me and said I needed to tell you who she is because you are "not getting it"". Ooohhh, chills all up and down my spine, hair on my neck standing on end and a deep sigh. How cool is this! And It is not Elizabeth Hartquist, it is Elizabeth's Heart Quest. She is no longer "company" she is family!!!

Since that breakfast I have been seeing Elizabeth everywhere ~ in the mirror when I brush my teeth, in the hallway petting Brutus, standing beside Sam at the dinner table and by the pond looking into the woods. I think she opened a door. A portal if you will to another time (time is a whole nother topic) and I wonder who else will enter into my life. I'll keep y'all posted on that one!!

Thanks for reading and being open to hear "the rest of the story"...

Patterns

I can remember when I was a little girl and I would be watching my mom knit I would be fascinated with patterns that she created out of one thread (yarn). It is this thought that has motivated me to share what I think and feel about patterns...

Patterns can be found everywhere, they are in our material surroundings, nature, relationships, words, thoughts, writing, behaviors, etc.

Noticing this reality has been wonderful for me. I even noticed when I pour the cream in my coffee and stir there are patterns, and many things influence the pattern... I could do it the same everyday, pour the coffee, dab in the cream, stir ~ and even though I "do it the same" if one little thing is different the pattern changes ~ the size of the cup, the speed of the stirring, the distance of the cream container to the cup when pouring... With this simple realization I am reminded that with other patterns too they can be changed and influenced with small changes... So, when something doesn't feel comfortable for me in my world, I will look for the pattern (behavior, conversations, thoughts, etc.) and even in the noticing it can be just enough to change the pattern...

My thoughts to you today are ~ what are your patterns, do they serve you and others, can you take a moment and notice them and in that noticing change and reshape the pattern!