Words and feelings

I love words...  I believe they can heal or harm and the choice is always ours...  Words words words.  Many things attached for us human beings.  One word may bring joy or heartache depending upon the intention of the speaker and the perception of the receiver.  I find as I get wiser in age I pay very close attention to how things make me feel.  I allow my body to speak to me.  I feel all conversations and then I use bodywork as a way to release anything that does not serve me.  

Very interesting story...  I have a friend who is a "tough" guy.  Raised in Brooklyn, very tough traumatic childhood...  He was sharing with me just yesterday that in one year he lost his 5 best friends to drugs or violence.  As he was talking I began to cry.  It confused him.  He asked me why I was crying and I shared that his words carried the weight of his suffering.  And i felt it inside my heart.  He didn't quite understand what I was saying.

 I often find that peoples stories affect me.  I am quite empathic and it is the reason why I struggle in large crowds.  I feel people, and when I listen to their stories I feel even more.  It's as if every cell in my body responds to their story.  It is an interesting thing for me.  Its one of the reasons why I love people so.  Everyone wants to feel.  But sometimes, like in the case of my friend, we have a story and we tell it and we are not really connected to it.  We dont feel it.  It's as if just by telling it we can release it... And yes that is important and our words surely help with that...  But if you tell it and don't feel it your cells, which have memory, hold the actual event of suffering.  It's as if our fabulous bodies say, this is big and I am going to protect you from more suffering by holding it until it is safe for you to connect to it both mentally and emotionally.  What a gift... But also the reason for dis-ease... So while you receive bodywork you are processing your lifes struggles and joys and to you I say bravo!  Feel it, release it, thank your body and then ENJOY the gifts that come!!

Many blessings on this day and may your words continue to nourish those around you!

The water element

This morning I watched a most excellent film; the curious case of Benjamin button. It was so beautiful. A memory of human existence backwards in time. The ending made me cry and as I look outside my window it is raining... Amazing how our energy can be so connected to nature. Nature... Natural... Normal... If only we could remember that it takes all the seasons and all energy to create the natural world. We need water and wind and metal and fire and earth... All of them. And they are all connected in the natural world as they are inside of each of us. Our own little cosmos. What we choose to pay attention to gets bigger. So today I will choose to look at my life through the water element. I will allow this precious natural gift that makes up 85% of my internal cosmos to carry any thought, memory, experience that has been challenging to me and wash it down stream so that only the sweetness remains. All experiences have sweetness if we take the time see it. If we recognize that nothing lasts and change is just the river flowing... because in the end we all let go. Letting go while remaining very present to every sensation is one of the gifts that I am very grateful for and may you all find the best way for you to get to that point also. And the sweetness remains the same!! Allow the juices to drip down your chin, sticky your fingers, and fill you up!

The path of least resistance

As I continue to go inward with my own practices of feeling breathing and wondering I am rewarded with a sense of peace that grounds me, nourishes me, and moves me. As I move forward in life it is interesting to witness the progression of my letting go of the "shoulds" and understanding that the path of least resistance means being in the flow. This was not the belief I was raised with, nor does it seem to be a societal belief. We as a society (here in the us anyway) for the most part are taught that to matter or have value we have to "work our fingers to the bone", have a big house, a nice car, the best of everything... Yes, having stuff is nice but I have been reminded that what we think and feel about our stuff makes a lot of difference to our health. If we believe that it defines us as a human being than we are setting ourselves up for failure. The only thing that is truly ours is our Self. Our internal landscape will always mirror our external landscape. But if we share and are grateful for our stuff it will continue to receive positive energy and things will come to us to make the path of least resistance the norm while still being the guardians of our "stuff"...
If many obstacles appear to slow you down or make something seem unobtainable go inward. Follow your breath and allow the path of least resistance to become the norm for you too! It's a journey worth exploring!!

No manual or guarantee

As the days blend into on another from my view from the couch I have had lots of time to ponder wonder and play in my mind... A few nights ago I made my first venture out of the house to a womens circle that was very much exactly what I needed. We talked about the four agreements (book by don Miguel Ruiz) and focused on the second one. Take nothing personally. Great reminder for me. Brought me back to the place of remembering that as a human family we all do the best we can and we create our lives exactly how they are with our thoughts and actions and reactions to others actions. This line of thinking brought me to the place of relationships... Everyone enters relationships with hope. We blind ourselves to anothers' for lack of a better word weaknesses. We see only the good. And as time goes on their ( and yours) "ouch places" are revealed. We are not taught as children how to deal with this. So we make excuses, emotionally disengage, or butt our heads against the wall waiting for change. None of these work. The only thing that I believe works is to pay close attention to yourself. To always bring the best you to the table and if it is not serving you to move on. When we are listening to our intuition and we finally realize something is not for our highest good we can then choose how to communicate and move forward. Sometimes it's hard... Matters of the heart are usually the hardest ones... My realization is that there are no guarantees. Promises can be broken. People can do things and say things that feel bad to us, but we are the only ones that think and feel inside ourselves. We can choose how to respond. We can remind ourselves to keep our energy clear so that anthers poison doesn't stick to us and cause holes in our own energy field. And we can pray. Let go of the fairy tale of forever. That's a long time. Appreciate the moments. Release when appropriate and love always. Life goes on and it is good!!

4 weeks in

Amazing how 4 weeks on a couch can remind you of what matters... I know a number of my clients who have faced cancer and chronic disease have told me the same thing, but hearing it and experiencing it are two very different things. Amazing how quickly the muscles atrophy and the desire to "run a marathon" is so gone...

Now the desire is to have coffee with friends and share our hearts, to experience the sensations in my body so that I can understand when another person describes it the same, to really get a handle on my thought patterns and watch as I do the work to change them, to be gentle with myself, to appreciate the little victories like being able to make coffee and let my dogs out and get myself to the porch to listen to the wind.

When our lives are really busy because we think we have to get everything done sometimes we forget to make time for the couch (or the meditation pillow, or whatever space quiets you). When we do that we forget about all of the amazing simple pleasures that as a human we get to experience. The couch is allowing my intuition the time to get really clear, my body to FEEL really clear, and I am completely satisfied and grateful for exactly where I am in this moment of time... I hope the same for you. Take time to connect with family and friends just being together. Listen, really listen to those around you without trying to fix or correct them, and offer yourself the same gift. Be where you are. Be grateful for what is right in front of you, and learn from the gifts and the challenges you have given yourself. We are all moving toward the same destination and no matter what we choose we will get there... The question is will you enjoy the ride? I for one say absofreakinlutely!!

Moving through it...

One of my morning rituals / practices is to process my dreams and pay attention to the first thought of the day. Today's thoughts were about my ex. They were angry thoughts, thoughts about his betrayal, his untruths to me, and my lack of listening to my own intuition about what was happening... My dream was about a moment in our relationship that I failed to see... In my dream we are standing in our (what I thought was ours) driveway and he kisses me. It started out feeling tender but then his tongue was that of a snakes, split...

In my dream interpretation I remember moments like in our relationship that when I felt his words did match his actions. This happens for most of us at one time or another in our lives. We are human, we make mistakes, we sometimes don't have the hudtspa to be totally honest... hopefully we learn and make better choices the next time. Anyway, back to the dream... As I processed and really felt the emotions that I had attached to the information I recognized that today will be a day of letting go completely. Because the dream and my morning thoughts "matched" I know that this is a thought / feeling pattern which does not serve me. In order for me to not put out that negative vibration of anger, today will be a day of mantras to bring me back to neutral so that I don't create this same lesson again in the future.

My mantra today will be I forgive you and I forgive me for getting stuck in the process of change and for not being able to "see" each other clearly. Every time I start to think about the "facts" of our relationship I will remind myself of the mantra. May I continue to learn from my life experiences so that when I encounter this type of energy again I will be aware. Not judging just aware of myself and the choices I make to either engage or not. To see it and be able to say " no thank you, that doesn't work for me" without any attachment to good or bad, right or wrong.

Continuing to work on my own stuff is my promise to the world. As I get clearer and clearer I put that energy out into the world which in turn makes it easier for others, since in my world we are all one!

I dream of a love

One can't create something that they don't ask for or dream of, so I spent some time in quiet contemplation and here is what I came up with...

I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.  Of being seen, of trusting another with all of me.  With feeling as if I can share all of my thoughts feelings dreams and desires.  Someone to be silly with.  Giggling turning into deep intense belly laughs, witnessing the energy move between us and fall gently to the floor like a silk bathrobe.  Being able to be physical and spiritual at the same time.  The ingredients of our love will include integrity, spirituality, wondering and playing with thoughts and ideas to feel what is truth for us, together and individually; a strong physical connection that is playful and passionate and gets better and better as we explore each others every curve, and kiss each others battle scars; a knowing, deep knowing that our words match our actions, that our love will bridge lifetimes, that we are one moving through this world in good times and not.  That we are in it for the duration, whatever comes our way.  That is the love I desire.  That is the love I wake up longing for.  That is the love I shall give and gratefully receive.  That is the love.

May it be so!

Going up

Up up up... Going up!
Today feels like a day of celebration! Is it because the sun is shining and I am sitting on the patio with the sounds of creation surrounding me? Or the feeling of freedom that is in our collective history (independence day, etc.), or maybe just the fact that I felt like i have come to a turning point in my healing... Whatever it is I am "running" with it! Today is a day of celebration. Through celebration of life and all the blessings seen and unseen I feel as if I can create anything! And that is true independence!! Independence of the self!!! May we all allow that energy to settle into out bones and may we see life as a celebration, wherever we are on our walk!!