Step parenting and the likes

It is so interesting to me that sometimes I just can't see whats right in front of my nose. I hang on to someone or something because I think its "the right thing to do". Or, if I love them I need to continue to try to be in relationship with them. But recently I have had an awakening... My 16 year old step son, whom until the last 2 months was lovely towards me, has taught me a good lesson. He has been increasingly sarcastic and rude to me. He has been aggressive and "in your face" with his Dad. It has been quite a change and one that has been surprising to me and has been hard on my heart. So last week he blocked me and his Dad on facebook. Then when he came home from his Mom's house, we said it didn't feel good to us, and that it felt like he was trying to keep secrets or wanted to be able to share things with others that he didn't want us to know about. He didn't see it the same way, and began first by belittling us for our feelings, then by trying to make us feel like we were being ridiculous, then when we remained kind but clear with what this choice of his might produce from us, he said he didn't want us to know his business. Then he got very direct and told me that I was not his mother, and that he loved me, and because I was married to his father he would have to deal with me in his life, but that he didn't want me taking part in making any school decisions or trying to help him with any personal matters in his life. And that he wouldn't be made to feel guilty for his choice to block us on facebook. So, of course, I took a deep breath and let him know that we didn't want him to feel guilty, and of course it was his facebook page, but that by blocking us it felt like he was being dishonest with us. It didn't feel good to us, but that he could do what he wanted in that area of his life and that we would do what we wanted in our area of life. I share this because I want you to get an idea of the energy that was present, not because I believe there is a right or wrong in the situation, or that anyone needs to take sides... It surprised me that I felt so strongly about the facebook blocking. I mean really, its a virtual thing, its not real, right? Wrong. We are very much a virtual society and I am not sure about anyone else but I feel energy coming through loud and clear in emails, and on facebook. I have a knack of reading between the words, and FEELING the energy behind things. And what I felt was a cutting out. I felt there was a clear intention and message of disconnect. A very strong message. And so I needed to sit with myself and figure out what was the best way to respond. At first I was thinking of lots of ways, angry ways, to say fuck you (sorry for the graphic words, just being honest). I thought about turning off the internet, and disconnecting his cell phone (both of which I pay), and shunning him, but after I screamed these things to the trees I began laughing. And I thought, he is right, I am not his mother. I am not responsible for his education or his entertainment or his laundry or his meals. I am responsible to love him, like I would anyone else who had hurt, disappointed, or generally sent yuck towards me. And I got very clear inside myself that loving him did not mean that I would participate in any behavior or conversation that was ugly or hurtful. So, on new years eve I did a ceremony for us. I wrote down all my feelings and burned them. I asked the Universe to help us each see the other clearly while processing this change in our relationship. And I felt a weight come off my shoulders knowing that we would be fine. And that he would be fine. He has two terrific parents who are capable of being responsible for him, and I do not need to be part of that energy. So I say to him, to myself, and to his parents... Live long, live well, prosper, and do the best you can during these lovely teenage years of exploration and testing and pushing and figuring and trying on personalities that feel just right. Happy New year y'all!