My heart's content...

Lessons, past wrongs, energy flowing smoothly, winning, losing, right, wrong, anger, frustration, revenge, and then finally balance. Sound tiring? It has been. The last few days have been a roller coaster, a big 'ole ride inside, hills and valleys of my internal landscape... So here's my story. I tell it so that I can get it out, so I can share with others how I go inside and look deeply (with gentle, lovingkindness) at a life that I created based on choices made and lessons learned, and pave the way for others to do the same. A few years ago I lent a very large sum of money to someone for education and home renovations, with the understanding and agreement that we would create a marvelous business, offering opportunities for spiritual community, education about the body, and hands on work. I was trusting and fully invested physically spiritually and financially. I was excited about sharing and growing and creating. The person I was partnering with said they were excited about this too. What I found out later was that if you have a feeling of unease, and words don't match actions, its okay to recognize the behavior and end the relationship. Sadly, when money is involved in the ending of an unhealthy relationship, it touches a core survival instinct and can be just plain yucky... That's where I was a year ago. I had the signed agreements and the receipts and the statements and the repayment schedule discussed and the anger at learning that while I was investing in him, he was investing in another. I felt rage. Yup, that's exactly what I felt. Had visions of his body being enveloped in flames, and many many other nasty painful ugly thoughts. I sought justice. I filed a lawsuit and was going to hold him accountable for his lack of honor and integrity (blah blah blah)... Fast forward to the present... I must once again look at this because his "side" wants to move it from one court to another (again), which means more money and more time and once again another legal tactic to drag this out has begun... So I cried. I screamed. I broke down. I spoke directly to my guides, my angels, my teachers, the trees, the rain, the creator and I surrendered. I am not giving up, I am surrendering. I am feeling it, I am moving it, and I am once again with the help of energy work, prayer, and the amazing earth moving forward. Thanks be!