Amazing how the Universe Works... Within 3 weeks I manifested a new home (which was MADE FOR ME!), new massage space almost renovated and ready for clients, a beautiful country setting for my dogs to run and play, and peace that passes understanding...
I am unpacking with intentionality, and making sure that everything has a place that feels right and fits.
I am continuing to process the death of a dream, a relationship, a family, a business partnership, a large financial investment and a future that seemed pretty set... I feel like I am a strong person and handle life as it comes, but I find myself having memories seep into my thoughts. I continue to state my mantra "I forgive you and I forgive me for getting stuck in the process of change and for not being able to see each other clearly"... Mostly that helps, but at this moment I am still confused. Confused at how someone can go from one day being in love, planning classes together, talking about building onto the property, buying t-shirts for a business ($$$), and co-parenting, to the next day not wanting to be in a relationship and asking me to leave "our" home (which of course he said all the time was ours, but in reality even though I renovated it, it was his) by July. Is there someone else? What changed? How will I be reimbursed for my investment, etc.... Questions that I may never have the answers to. Ahh, the unknown.
The unknown. That really is what life is all about, right? We never really know someone elses heart, Their thoughts, their reality do we? All I can do for myself is to practice not taking it personally, to allow the hurt to be felt so that it can be released, and to be thankful for the lessons.
Moving forward consciously aware of the process and filling my heart with gratitude. It is the only way ... The only way ... the only way....
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
stuff
I have handed myself an amazing gift. The gift of learning how to love unconditionally when someone else is unable or unwilling to accept it. Love doesn't have strings. It doesn't keep track. It is an energy that when you learn how to stay in the flow of it can heal all wounds, can make all things bearable, can fill your heart over and over again so that you see your blessings instead of your challenges. I am so grateful ~ for life... for love... and for you!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Transitioning with Love
I have once again been given the opportunity to practice staying grounded and centered in a time of chaos... My life is changing once again. The partner I have been with for the past 2 years and who I planned a future with is now separating from the dream. Fortunately we are both being kind and trusting the process of transition. I never know what good will come from challenges, but I always trust that it is for my highest good and for the highest good of all concerned. With that said, I am human and I am feeling the separation both physically and emotionally, and I am so grateful that I have tools in my toolbag to help me through it. May all others who experience great change in our upcoming times of world change also have tools and be searching, like me (but in their own way) for the high road always...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Little things
Like most people I have periods in my life where I am learning and growing more than other times. During my growth periods I find that my mind is often re-thinking over and over and over events and conversations and choices. These thoughts seem to penetrate my conscious mind a lot lately. I have been practicing letting go, bringing my attention back to my breath and staying in the present moment by noticing the beauty in each moment, the gifts that are available to all like air, water, the trees, the crickets, the frogs, and on and on... I know that this is a growth period for me because when I am vibrationally getting ready to change, my mind thinks it will put lots of other thoughts in to my awareness so that I get stuck in the muck and remain prisoner to it. That's what happens to lots of folks (me too sometimes), we get stuck in the muck. Instead of attempting to figure things out I am letting things happen, I am practicing remembering ~ that we are all one. That we are all one does mean that we allow others to harm us or that we accept uncomfortableness in our homes or communities, it means that by standing in my own truth with love in my heart I am able to say No, or That doesn't work for me, or Yes without attachment to the other persons opinions clouding my own.
So when the little things start to be big things, I know that its time to stop, breath and smell the roses so that my heart leads and my mind takes a back seat!
So when the little things start to be big things, I know that its time to stop, breath and smell the roses so that my heart leads and my mind takes a back seat!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
In the end only kindness matters
I have been listening to the song Hands by Jewel and it brings up so many wonderings for me. I feel like sometimes I get caught in the being of "only kindness matters" and then forget that it doesn't mean that someone can speak to me unkindly, or use words or "jokes" that make me uncomfortable, or bully me because they have not be taught to respect others unless I allow it. If I don't speak up and let someone know that I am not okay with a situation, then how can I expect it to change? People treat us how WE TEACH them to treat us with our response to them. And if we don't stand up when we see someone else being treated unkindly, then we are just as much at fault as the perpetrator of the unkindness. Please Please Please folks, speak ~ with love, with respect, with kindness toward yourself and others. Its the only way we have a chance to make it through the changes that are happening in our world. Words to think about by Jewel:
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Resurrection Sunday and I am changed
Today, Easter, has always been celebrated in my family with church, new clothing, and big family dinner. Yes we talked about Christ and the resurrection but I never really felt it until today.
Late last night Brutus brought me a robin's nest. Still wet with cold mud, empty of eggs, with lots of threads of different grasses, twigs and even a strand of what looks to be dental floss... It felt like an offering to me. I felt like Brutus was trying to tell me something, but I just couldn't hear it with all the other noises around. I went to bed and forgot about it.
This morning I went for a long walk with one of my dearest friends Athena. She belongs to the Greek Orthodox church in Ithaca and she was telling me about midnight services and how Father Tom spoke to her heart and used a lot of metaphor to explain resurrection. It was beautiful to hear the story from Athena. Our hearts were full of love and as she spoke she was animated, humorous and serious all with her greek accent and sprinkling of greek words.
Toward the end of our walk we were so grateful for the birds that had seranaded us the whole hour we were walking and we stopped at what some people would see as "just a swamp". We saw it as beauty! The dry clumps of weeds with water surrounding, the many different greens and a few drops of red from the skunk cabbage beginning to bloom. As we were standing giving thanks a red winged black bird flew past us and landed on an old cattail. I told Athena how many people think of Robins as spring but I always think of the red winged black birds as my sign of approaching spring. I shared with her how Robins are always around, common everyday birds, that were just always present so I didn't really associate anything with them. I basically took them for granted...
Moments after this conversation we came upon a Robin which looked to be dead on the side of the road. We could have chosen to walk on by, but instead we stopped. For some reason I felt connected to this "dead" robin. I can't even explain why... As we stood looking down on this bird I knelt beside her (I say her because the bird felt feminine to me) and scooped her up into my hands and began to unwind her chakras and pray. Within seconds I felt her heart beat and Athena and I saw her open her eyes, look at us, take her last breath and then close her eyes. We felt her last heart beat, saw her chest rise and fall one last time as she released her spirit from the physical body that had been her vehicle here. And as she closed her eyes and I felt her bodyheat transfer to me I was changed.
We carried the Robin home and talked about what we imagined her life to have been and thanked her for the gift she gave us. We did a ceremony (and by the way, how did Brutus know the Robin would need her nest??) to witness this beautiful creatures exit from earth bound beauty into spirit soaring. It was beautiful, the words, the feelings, the community (our small community albeit), the sacredness of life and death.
Today with that Robin I understood and I am changed.
Blessed be, Janet
Late last night Brutus brought me a robin's nest. Still wet with cold mud, empty of eggs, with lots of threads of different grasses, twigs and even a strand of what looks to be dental floss... It felt like an offering to me. I felt like Brutus was trying to tell me something, but I just couldn't hear it with all the other noises around. I went to bed and forgot about it.
This morning I went for a long walk with one of my dearest friends Athena. She belongs to the Greek Orthodox church in Ithaca and she was telling me about midnight services and how Father Tom spoke to her heart and used a lot of metaphor to explain resurrection. It was beautiful to hear the story from Athena. Our hearts were full of love and as she spoke she was animated, humorous and serious all with her greek accent and sprinkling of greek words.
Toward the end of our walk we were so grateful for the birds that had seranaded us the whole hour we were walking and we stopped at what some people would see as "just a swamp". We saw it as beauty! The dry clumps of weeds with water surrounding, the many different greens and a few drops of red from the skunk cabbage beginning to bloom. As we were standing giving thanks a red winged black bird flew past us and landed on an old cattail. I told Athena how many people think of Robins as spring but I always think of the red winged black birds as my sign of approaching spring. I shared with her how Robins are always around, common everyday birds, that were just always present so I didn't really associate anything with them. I basically took them for granted...
Moments after this conversation we came upon a Robin which looked to be dead on the side of the road. We could have chosen to walk on by, but instead we stopped. For some reason I felt connected to this "dead" robin. I can't even explain why... As we stood looking down on this bird I knelt beside her (I say her because the bird felt feminine to me) and scooped her up into my hands and began to unwind her chakras and pray. Within seconds I felt her heart beat and Athena and I saw her open her eyes, look at us, take her last breath and then close her eyes. We felt her last heart beat, saw her chest rise and fall one last time as she released her spirit from the physical body that had been her vehicle here. And as she closed her eyes and I felt her bodyheat transfer to me I was changed.
We carried the Robin home and talked about what we imagined her life to have been and thanked her for the gift she gave us. We did a ceremony (and by the way, how did Brutus know the Robin would need her nest??) to witness this beautiful creatures exit from earth bound beauty into spirit soaring. It was beautiful, the words, the feelings, the community (our small community albeit), the sacredness of life and death.
Today with that Robin I understood and I am changed.
Blessed be, Janet
Saturday, April 2, 2011
The Blue Jay leads me into the heart
Today at our chakra workshop we were going in-depth into the 4th chakra, the heart. The heart chakra has two parts to it, the heart protector (green) and the pure light of the heart itself (pink or gold). I tell you this because my shamanic journey today was, like most of the journey's I take, very profound... Here's how it started:
I was running after, arms outstretched, a bright blue jay. The ground underneath me was a cobblestone street and as I run I am aware of the sound of my shoes (I think wooden shoes) clapping on the ground. As I become distracted by the sound and looking down at the shoes and cobblestone I lose sight of the blue jay. When I look up I am entering an open air market place. On the outside of the market are many vendors with colorful tents, ecclectic music, and celebratory voices and sounds. They are setup up in a circle on the outside edge (heart protector?) of the marketplace. When I arrive in the center I look around me and there are three dancers, dressed in black and wrapped in sheer colorful scarves. They begin to whirl around in circles (staying in one place) and their eyes are "glued" on me which seems to me to be their focal point to remain standing and not lose their balance. As they begin to twirl their scarves dance too and the colors "come off" the scraves and fill the air with a fine mist of color. The 3 dancers begin to sing. The song is Someone's knocking at the door, by Paul McCartney and Wings...
Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favor,
Open the door and let 'em in(repeat)
And as they are singing I look around me and I notice that the "awnings" of the vendors are rolling up and the sun becomes a spot light that is streaming on me and the dancers get closer and I am whisked into their hands that have formed a "kinds chair" and they are raising me up as if I am in a broadway play. And once they raise me up as high as their arms will allow I look around me and their is a glass staircase and on the edge of the glass staircase is beautiful purple and blue water as far as I can see and as I am taking in the vastness of seeing nothing but water forever and ever I hear "Just jump" and the journey ends and I am back in this physical reality.
So, what is the blue jay saying to me, what do I gleen from this wonderful adventure inward? Many truths and many things that will help me stay connected to my center, my heart, so that I can just jump and trust that the water will take me where I need to go!
I was running after, arms outstretched, a bright blue jay. The ground underneath me was a cobblestone street and as I run I am aware of the sound of my shoes (I think wooden shoes) clapping on the ground. As I become distracted by the sound and looking down at the shoes and cobblestone I lose sight of the blue jay. When I look up I am entering an open air market place. On the outside of the market are many vendors with colorful tents, ecclectic music, and celebratory voices and sounds. They are setup up in a circle on the outside edge (heart protector?) of the marketplace. When I arrive in the center I look around me and there are three dancers, dressed in black and wrapped in sheer colorful scarves. They begin to whirl around in circles (staying in one place) and their eyes are "glued" on me which seems to me to be their focal point to remain standing and not lose their balance. As they begin to twirl their scarves dance too and the colors "come off" the scraves and fill the air with a fine mist of color. The 3 dancers begin to sing. The song is Someone's knocking at the door, by Paul McCartney and Wings...
Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favor,
Open the door and let 'em in(repeat)
And as they are singing I look around me and I notice that the "awnings" of the vendors are rolling up and the sun becomes a spot light that is streaming on me and the dancers get closer and I am whisked into their hands that have formed a "kinds chair" and they are raising me up as if I am in a broadway play. And once they raise me up as high as their arms will allow I look around me and their is a glass staircase and on the edge of the glass staircase is beautiful purple and blue water as far as I can see and as I am taking in the vastness of seeing nothing but water forever and ever I hear "Just jump" and the journey ends and I am back in this physical reality.
So, what is the blue jay saying to me, what do I gleen from this wonderful adventure inward? Many truths and many things that will help me stay connected to my center, my heart, so that I can just jump and trust that the water will take me where I need to go!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
